


Bliss

by Foxstress



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Anal Sex, Blood, BotFA - my version, Canon with a twist, Canonical Character Death, Depression, Durin Family Angst, Durincest, Fluff and Angst, Hurt, Injury, M/M, Masturbation, Mentions of Abortion, Oral Sex, Rimming, Sibling Incest, Sibling incest just to remind you, Slightly implied Bagginshield but I won't elaborate, Smut, Somewhat alternate ending, Violence, life story, so much tears
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-26
Updated: 2015-01-19
Packaged: 2018-03-03 18:11:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 27
Words: 43,599
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2860283
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Foxstress/pseuds/Foxstress
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“I will always, always, no matter what, be your brother, Kee.”<br/>--<br/>A story of Fili and Kili's lives, of their bond, of their love, and the great adventure that they followed their Uncle into. Also a story of the pain and the dark secrets hidden by the line of Durin.</p><p>Fili's point of view, pretty much.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> So. This is a work that has taken me almost a full year to write, because I'm lazy and blocky. It's not that long, by AO3 standards. I might not be the most epic. But I put a lot of my heart into it and it helped me through some hard times. I hope you'll enjoy it.

Some time after the storm in their lives had somewhat settled, Fili came to realize that in a way, he had always known the Secret. He just hadn’t been aware of it. He had been preoccupied enough with his own secrets. But it made him wonder: had their parents made different choices in their lives, would anything – _anything_ – have gone the way it had? And would it have been better if things were different? The latter question was what sometimes kept him up at night. Other times, it was the warm, naked body pressed eagerly against his in the dark.

*

 When Kili was born, Fili knew immediately that he was the most beautiful baby who ever lived. From the chubby little toes to the bright brown eyes that stared up at him curiously, Kili was perfect. He was resting peacefully on their mother’s lap by the time Fili was let in the room with their father, who stood overwhelmed by the foot of the bed while Fili went straight to the baby. Mother looked very tired but she smiled at the little bundle in her arms.

 “He looks very happy to meet you, Fili.”

 And sure enough, when Fili extented his hand to carefully touch the baby’s tiny fingers, it grabbed his thumb with a fierceness that surprised him. How could such delicate little creature, not yet two hours old, have such an unyielding grip?

 Mother chuckled very softly at his excited face. “You’re a brother now, Fili. A big brother.”

 As she spoke, her eyes – exactly the same shade of brown as little Kili’s – were suddenly full of tears. “What’s wrong, Mother?” Fili asked, worried.

 She could only sob as an answer, but now Father had sat down by her side on the bed and gently put his hand on her shoulder. “Your mother is very exhausted. Giving birth is a trying task. It is normal to be emotional afterwards.” His voice seemed to tremble ever so slightly in Fili’s ears, but he managed to smile at his eldest son before turning his eyes to the new baby.

 For a moment, he just stared at Kili. Then he he said, with a hushed voice: “He’s beautiful, Dis.” And Mother burst into even louder sobs, large tears falling from her eyes to the baby’s swaddle. Father gestured voicelessly for Fili to take the baby, and Fili sat steadily on the bed before lifting his little brother on his lap with short but sure arms. For a moment, he thought that he saw tears glistening in his father’s eyes too, but that was impossible. Father never cried.

 Fili focused on Kili again. The baby seemed sleepy, and Fili watched with an endless fascination how he slowly drifted asleep, eyes not leaving Fili’s face until they closed. He listened to the baby’s steady, soothing breaths and very lightly caressed the impossibly soft cheek. Had he not been so immensely absorbed in this precious thing before him, he might have noticed that Mother was still quietly crying and that Father had not touched the baby once.


	2. Brothers by Blood - 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Have an early update, because I got a friend coming over for the night today.)  
> Few words about the structure of this story: I've essentially written it in three parts, although I'll publish them all under the same title here. The first part takes place in Fili and Kili's childhood, the second when they're young adults, and the third decipts the Quest to reclaim Erebor. 1st part is named Brothers by Blood, 2nd is Brothers by Love, 3rd is Brothers by Iron. Blood, Love, Iron is where the title comes from - BLIss. (I'm a dork.)

Kili grew fast. And although Father was often gone for weeks at a time, working from town to town to support them, Fili later remembered Kili’s first few years as one of the happiest times in his life. He was always next to his little brother, teaching him to crawl and stand and walk and talk, spent hours making up elaborate bedtime stories when Kili was old enough to understand them. Mother had soon noticed the special bond her sons shared and always felt it safe to leave Kili under his brother’s care.

Kili was six years old when he first met Uncle Thorin. The exiled King had left some time before Kili’s birth to wander some faraway land in search of his father, Thrain. Fili had some vague memories of his deep, calm voice and long dark hair, but Kili’s birth had rather effectively made him forgot most of his life before his ever-laughing little shadow.

So when they stood side by side in front of the somber, prestigious Dwarf who glared at them as if they were grown soldiers and not just two lively Dwarflings without a care in the world, Fili couldn’t blame his brother for looking nervous and fidgety. He felt rather unsteady himself.

“So,” Thorin finally spoke, “my sister-sons. It is good to see you.”

Fili bowed a little, as Mother had taught him, and replied: “And you, Uncle Thorin.” He glanced at his side and almost winced to see that Kili was not bowing, merely staring at Thorin with that idiotic puppy-ish headtilt of his. Fili nudged him, but it was to no avail. Kili looked straight into Thorin’s eyes, and for a while, Thorin stared right back.

To Fili’s surprise, their uncle was the first to avert his gaze. There might have been a fleeting hint of smile on his serious face, though Fili could not understand why; even if Kili was only doing it because of his childish ignorance, it was still offensive to not bow properly in front of his Uncle and King.

But Thorin, it seemed, let it slide. “Well, you two seem healthy and happy enough. I see good manners and courage also – although those qualities seem to be somewhat divided between you. You both might want to work on that.” Thorin gave another dry smile and gestured them towards the door. “It is settled, then. Off you go.”

Fili had no idea what he was talking about, but he was relieved to take his brother’s small hand in his own and walk him to the door, turning briefly for one last bow (Kili still remained upright and Fili suppressed a frustrated sigh) before exiting.

“Kili, you little moron. You’re lucky he wasn’t mad at you. Why didn’t you bow like Mother and I told you to?” Fili questioned as soon as they were definitely out of hearing distance, heading towards their own quarters through the well-lit tunnels.

Kili was still holding onto his hand, like usually. He didn’t answer; instead he retorted with questions of his own: “Why was he so sad? Isn’t he the King? Shouldn’t kings be happy to be rich and have people to serve them?”

Kili’s face bore an unusual seriousness and Fili couldn’t help but smile at the sight. “Well, for one thing, Uncle Thorin is not all that rich. And he’s unhappy, I guess, because he’s far from home. Remember what Mother told us about Erebor? And the dragon?”

“Tell me again?” Kili pleaded. They had arrived home and went straight to their joined room, since Mother was not yet home from the market.

Fili shook his head. “I don’t know that story all that well, Kee.”

Kili looked disappointed, but then grabbed his brother’s sleeve again. “Then tell me the one about the Troll and the human princess?” They sat down on Fili’s bed, Kili started braiding the elder’s hair and Fili retold his brother’s favourite story for the fiftieth time, it seemed.

Kili was uncharacteristically quiet, though, not interrupting the story more than two times to ask for spesifics (“But if the princess didn’t have any beard, why would the brave knight even fall in love with her?”) when he usually barely let Fili finish any sentence. Soon they heard their Mother come home and call them to help with dinner.

When they got up, Kili suddenly blurted in a voice that told Fili that he had been thinking about this for a while: “Maybe Uncle Thorin will tell us about the dragon some day.”

Fili frowned slightly. “Maybe.” But truthfully, he thought it unlikely. Thorin was the King, there was no way he would have time to waste on telling stories for the two of them. 

*

That night, Fili awoke in the dark. At first he didn’t know what had interrupted his sleep. He didn’t have to pee, he wasn’t cold, and Kili hadn’t crawled next to him like he sometimes did after a bad dream – the younger brother was snoring peacefully in his own bed a short distance away. Then Fili heard it: muffled voices from the kitchen, arguing. The first one was definitely Mother and he thought he recognized the second voice too, and it gave him a worrisome feeling in the pit of his stomach.

Holding his breath, he slipped out of the bed and tiptoed to the door as quietly as he was able. He did not want Kili to wake up to this, no matter what. With all of his eleven-year-old’s flexibility, he opened the door, slid through and closed it silently behind him and then sneaked slowly towards the light in the kitchen, staying a little distance away from the doorway so as not to be noticed.

“By Durin’s beard, Thorin, I will not let you burden my sons, the lights of my life, with the results of your own misguided stubborness!” Mother spoke with a low voice, but her anger was obvious.

Uncle Thorin hissed back: “You know not what you speak of, Sister. It’s a glory, not a burden, and you should be proud. As my heir, one of them will have the chance to rule the greatest kingdom of Middle-Earth, to be honored by all dwarfkind, to be remembered throughout the ages in songs and tales.” Fili tiptoed closer with great curiousity. This was big news indeed.

Mother’s answer was almost whispered, and Fili knew it to mean she was even more furious than a moment before. “One of them, you say. But which one?”

A silence followed, and Fili knew he had to see what was happening. He grasped his mane of golden hair in his hand so it wouldn’t sway in the light and expose him, and edged his face ever so carefully closer to the open doorway until he could just see Mother and Thorin with his left eye. Mother was standing at the end of the table, her hands grabbing the edge of it so hard that her knuckles whitened. Her mouth was a line of rage and her face flushed. Thorin, on the other hand, was sitting down opposite her and seemed very pale.

“ _Which one, Thorin?_ ” Mother whispered again, demandingly.

Thorin seemed to be having some sort of internal battle with himself. Then his gaze dropped to the table. “Fili,” he muttered. “It must be Fili.”

Mother took a deep breath. “Very well, then... But only if it’s his wish to take on this responsibility. And you will make sure that Kili does not feel left out. You owe us that much.”

Thorin nodded. “I know.” At this point, Fili sensed that the conversation was about to end, and made back to the bedroom as fast and as silent as he could.

Once he was safely back in his own bed and laid his head down, he realized how fast his heart was beating. This must be what Thorin had meant when he said it’s settled. So Fili was to be Thorin’s heir, next in line for the throne? It sounded unreal at best, and he was not quite sure how he felt about it.

And there was something strange about the argument he had just heard. _Which one_ , Mother had asked. But heirs were always the eldest sons. Kili shouldn’t have been even considered. He felt his heart fall at that thought; he wanted his brother to be his equal in everything. And on the other hand, who’s to say that Kili wouldn’t make a better King than him? He certainly had mastered the habit of ordering people around…

“Fee?” said a small, sleepy voice suddenly, and Fili was startled out of his thoughts.

“What is it, Kili?” he whispered back.

“I’m cold, Fee. Can I come to your bed?”

Fili smiled. “You know you don’t have to ask. And you usually don’t.” Apparently, Kili decided not to dignify that with an answer. Fili heard a swish of a blanket being pulled back, a couple of soft footsteps, and then Kili snuggled tightly against his side, warm and clingy and bringing with him a comforting scent of sleep. Fili wrapped him in his arms like always, but couldn’t quite bring his worried mind to sleep yet.

“Kili? Do you think you would like to be a king some day?” he whispered.

Kili sighed sleepily and grabbed the front of his brother’s shirt tighter. “I don’t know… Maybe. Would you still be my brother?”

Fili felt a sudden chokehold of emotions in his throat. “I will always, _always_ , no matter what, be your brother, Kee.” Kili nodded against his chest. Fili hesitated for a moment before asking: “And how would you feel if I was a king?”

Kili was starting to fall asleep again, but muttered: “I’d like that. You’d be a really good king, Fee…” Then he was asleep. Fili’s heart was still far from easy, but he felt like he could breathe a little lighter. Burying his nose into his little brother’s sweet-smelling hair, he slowly felt himself drifting to a dreamless sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't quite decide who I love to write the most - grumpy Uncle Thorin or baby Kili. Thank all deities for the gentle, lovely Big Brother Fili. When I started writing this, I didn't even think for a second before choosing Fili's PoV. It feels so comfortable and easy, like he's welcoming you into his head.


	3. Brothers by Blood - 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the love, it means a lot! Now let's see how Fili's feeling about his Uncle's plans.

For the next week or so, Fili felt like he was walking on the edge of a cliff, scared of falling but at the same time, tired of waiting for the inevitable. He did not dare to jump, though; letting his mother and uncle know he had heard their conversation would have been like kicking a beehive. But how frustrating it was that they hadn’t said anything yet, even though a decision had clearly been made! Fili couldn’t even speak to anyone about his worries.

Little Kili had no memory of their short night-time conversation – Fili suspected that he had been more asleep than awake anyway. Kili did help him sooth his mind, though, by just being his usual sunny self and sleeping by his side each night (after asking for permission). But each day Fili was faced with Mother doing her normal chores (if perhaps somewhat more easily irritated than usual), with no indication that she had agreed her eldest son to be raised as a king. And Uncle Thorin kept his distance.

Then, Father came home from yet another working journey and Fili realized that his return was what they had all been waiting for. Still, it was a joyous occasion in their little home, as always: Kili jumped in his arms, babbling some nonsense excitedly with a high-pitched voice, Fili received a bear-hug and a hair-tousling, and Mother looked uncharacteristically shy but happy when Father placed a tender kiss on her bearded cheek.

They spent that evening by the fireplace, Mother braiding Father’s long golden hair lovingly, Father telling stories from his journey and the boys listening eagerly while eating the sweet blueberries he had brought them.

They went to bed with their stomachs full and fingers blue. And once again, Fili woke up to the conversation from the kitchen. But this time, Kili was already snoring against his chest and he didn’t dare to get up. His parents’ argument didn’t sound as angry as the one between Mother and Thorin, but from the tones of voice that he could make out, it was an argument nonetheless.

Mother sounded sad but unyielding. Father seemed to be protesting at first, but finally took a turn to defeated. Fili knew that time was running out, but he still didn’t know what he wanted to do about it. Kili let out a frustrated noise and stirred slightly; Fili forced himself to breath deeply, calm down his heart and relax his body, and Kili didn’t wake up. Fili, on the other hand, stayed awake for a long time, feeling his brother’s heartbeats against his side. 

*

“No.”

“ _No?_ ”

Fili shook his head to confim. “No. Uncle Thorin, it is a great honor that you would want me to be your heir. I realize that. But I’m not worthy of it. And I have no desire to be King.”

Behind him, Fili could sense his parents exchanging looks and taking an uncertain step closer. Thorin didn’t notice; he was busy trying to stare down his nephew. He looked even more intimidating than usual, and for a second, Fili was glad that Kili had been left at home with old Balin, even though he missed the little hand in his.

“No desire to be King?” Thorin repeated, like he didn’t believe his ears. “But as King, perhaps one day even the reclaimer of Erebor, the most coveted riches of Middle Earth would be yours. The glory – the respect – how could you – what could you possibly find more important than all that?” he all but shouted, losing his composure with this unpleasant surprise.

Fili remained calm, even though his heart was apparently trying to beat its way out of his chest. “My brother.” That was followed by a ringing silence, so he continued. “Kili is my dear little brother and I will never want to have anything that he can’t have as well. We are equals.”

That was part of the truth, of course, but there were other reasons, reasons that he couldn’t quite explain even to himself. Most of all, he feared that his being King would break something from the bond he shared with Kili. And Kili meant more to him than this self-important, grumpy Dwarf in front of him. At the moment, said Dwarf seemed so genuinely astonished that he even forgot to look disapproving. Fili was rather sure it was the first time that had ever happened.

“I’m sorry, Uncle. I have made my decision. Thank you for the offer. Have a good day.” He bowed and then took his exit before anyone could stop him. 

* 

After that, it didn’t take long for Thorin to leave again. To find folk to trade with, was the official story – but Fili knew for sure that it was to get away from them, from the only family Thorin had left in the world. The young Dwarf would have felt sorry for his uncle, if it wasn’t for the immense relief he felt at him going away.

Things were awkward when he was around: Fili was uncomfortable under the pressure he still felt from Thorin, Mother was irritated with him, and his relationship with Father seemed to be cold at best. Fili wasn’t sure he had ever seen the two of them trade more than a few words outside of the obligatory greetings. And Kili… Kili only ever seemed to stare at Thorin, with some mysterious fascination that not even Fili could wrap his mind around.

So, after visiting them to say his gruff goodbyes and giving Fili one last appealing look, Thorin was gone. The very air around them seemed to lighten with an unspoken relief. Fili could only hope that everything would return to normal now.

* 

For a time, it seemed that his wish was granted. He felt light and happy after shedding the weight of responsibility from his shoulders. Kili started to grow out of his most childish phase and the boys began to take a liking for pranks and tricks. Kili’s sleeping next to his older brother was starting to diminish as well, only occuring after the most frightful nightmares. Mother was back to her happy and busy self, and Father did his best to spend longer periods of time at home with his loved ones. Thorin was rarely mentioned, and usually just as the King, not a member of the family.

Then, a little over a year after Thorin’s unsuccessful visit, they received a message from a little village on the bank of river Baranduin, where Father had last been working. But the message wasn’t from Father. Instead, it gave them the news of his death.

And everything started to fall down to darkness.


	4. Brothers by Blood - 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a short but painful one... By the way, you may have noticed that I never gave Dis' husband a name. It just didn't feel right for me, and I can get by just calling him "Father", since the boys are still so young that they would call him that anyway.

When he thought about it later, Fili realized he remembered almost nothing of the time right after Father’s death. Their neighbours visited them a couple of times a day to make sure there was something to eat and to watch uneasily over their sorrow. Fili didn’t bother talking to them. He felt so empty he just wanted to scream, but knew that it wouldn’t help.

Mother stayed in bed for days with a blank look on her face. Kili cried, pleaded for Mother to talk, buried his face in Fili’s chest, shook his head and refused to understand what his brother tried to tell him. Fili couldn’t remember eating or sleeping, just the gray haze of disbelief and Kili’s heart-breaking sobs in the night.

When Thorin turned up behind their door, Fili wasn’t even surprised.

It had been five days since the news, five days that lasted a lifetime each. Fili sensed that they were all nearing the end of their ability to live like this, but didn’t care much – although in his clearer moments the pain in his heart seemed to recede a tiny bit to give room for his worry over Kili. The dark-haired Dwarfling was in a serious need of caretaking, but he didn’t know what to do. And just as he was about to give up, there was a knock on the door and there stood Uncle Thorin, looking dirty and sleepless, but still with his natural authority in his eyes and voice.

“Fili. How fare you? And Kili? Your mother?” Thorin questioned before he even walked through the door.

Fili opened his mouth, found it dry, and coughed a few times before trying again. “I don’t know.” His voice was small and harsh; he hadn’t used it for at least two days. “Kili’s sleeping, I think. Mother won’t leave her room.” He felt dizzy. The fact that Thorin had left them in less than cordial atmosphere did not seem important anymore.

The King was here now, and maybe, just maybe, that meant that Fili could just let go? That he could give himself a permission to cry and mourn properly, instead of walking in this cloud of unknowing? That he could give in to the spinning of his head and fall into Thorin’s steady arms? And then he did just that.

*

When Fili woke up, he was lying comfortably in his own bed. He looked to his right side: Kili’s sleeping form was still in its own bed. And Thorin was sitting next to Fili’s legs, his fur coat gone and a bowl of something hot in his lap.

“I saw to your mother. She’s very deep in her sorrow, but I got her to eat a little bit and go to sleep. You need to eat too.” Without giving him even a chance to protest, Thorin dipped a spoon in the soup and brought it to Fili’s lips. It was good, and he felt a small tugging in his stomach; he realized it was hunger. He let Thorin feed the whole bowl of soup to him, and started to feel… something. Not much of it, and he didn’t know if it was sorrow of anger or frustration, but it was good to be able to feel something.

Thorin placed the empty bowl on the bedside table with a small clunking noise. In his bed, Kili stirred and sat up slowly. His brown eyes, red-puffed with all the tears shed and all the hours of sleep lost, lingered in Fili for a moment before finding Thorin.

The King returned his gaze with just a hint of uncertainty. “Hello, Kili.”

Kili said nothing. Instead, he slid down from his bed, took three steps and threw himself in Thorin’s lap, little hands grabbing the fabric on the back of his shirt. For a second, Thorin looked like nothing in his life had ever scared him so much. Then he relaxed and put his arms around Kili, petting the head of messy hair that was pressed against his collarbone.

“I’ll take care of you,” Thorin said quietly and turned his eyes to Fili. “All of you.” Fili nodded, put his face in his hands and cried for the first time.

*

Thorin was a Dwarf of his word. Though the pain of the sudden sorrow was visible in his face, he carried on and kept the rest of them going too. Kili spend each minute of his time clinging to either his brother or Thorin, and it seemed to help him cope. He still cried sometimes, but was starting to talk more again. He even talked to Thorin now, like it was the most natural thing in the world.

Fili felt relieved. The gray haze had mostly lifted and he could process his thoughts and feelings in a way that was painful, but would surely be for the best in the end. For the first time, he started to think that maybe they would survive this.

Mother took more time to improve, but Thorin’s insistent care – along with some gentler attending from her sons – slowly pulled her away from the deep pits of depression. One day Fili overheard her complaining to Thorin about the state of Kili’s hair (“He never remembers to un-tangle it, you or Fili need to make sure he does it!”)in a very familiar tone, and in that moment, a great weight seemed to drop from his heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love Grumpy Thorin, but I love Thorin stepping up and being protective even more.


	5. Brothers by Blood - 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So guess what? Let's have two updates today, since the last one was so short and this one is actually the final chapter of the first part. Some feelings ahead!

“They said he was fighting some Orcs when it happened.”

Thorin looked up from his carving at the words. He and Fili were sitting alone in the kitchen, on opposite sides of the table. Mother had felt strong enough for a quick visit to the neighbours to thank them, and had taken Kili with her, so the two of them had been left to guard the pot of stew heating up over the cooking fire. 

Thorin had taken out a small carving knife and a block of dark wood, and started to shape it into some toy or other (for Kili, of course, Fili knew that without asking). Fili had taken in the relaxed silence for a while before he became unable to hold in the topic he had been itching to discuss with Thorin for some time now.

Uncle Thorin looked into his eyes – they were a shade of blue very close to his own (and Father’s), Fili noticed for the first time – and then nodded. “Yes. He was. He was very brave.”

Fili waited for three heartbeats, but Thorin did not elaborate, so he continued himself. “He was with you.”

Thorin sighed very heavily at that. Fili waited. His uncle stared very determinedly at the table, and just as Fili was wondering if he would say anything, he spoke without looking up.

“I ran into him in a small village along the river. He was working there with a few other Dwarves, and I had been following the tracks of a small Orc pack but lost them. I was only going to stay there for a night or two. I was exhausted and I wasn’t paying enough attention… I didn’t realize that the Orcs had doubled back and followed me, instead of the other way round.” Finally he looked up, and the pain in his eyes was alarmingly _real_ to Fili.

“You have to know that even though your father and I had our… differences, he didn’t hesitate for a second when the Orcs attacked. He was there to fight by my side. He was a good Dwarf, and one of the best axe-swingers I’ve ever met. But one of those fiends managed to strike him in the leg with his filthy blade… We overpowered the Orcs soon after that and slayed them all, but it was too late.

“Your father got ill from his wound. He was gone before the morning came. He died because of my carelessness. He died, and it should have been me.” Thorin was almost shaking now, his words were hurried like he was afraid he wouldn’t be able to get them out unless he did it fast. Fili thought that he must have wanted to talk about it too, after all.

Fili had heard the rumours about Father’s death from the neighbours’ whispering. He felt like after everything that had happened with Uncle Thorin, maybe he should have blamed him for it, like the King seemed to blame himself. But he didn’t. He had always known that a Dwarf’s life in exile was filled with unique dangers, and so had Father. And Father had stood by Thorin’s side. He had been ready to die for him. It was as simple as that, and now that Fili knew what had happened, he suddenly didn’t feel like talking about it anymore.

But Uncle Thorin looked absolutely crushed, and Fili thought about how much he had feared Thorin just a short year ago, and about the way Kili’s eyes brightened in the rare moments when Thorin could be persuaded into telling them a story.

“I wasn’t your fault, not really,” he said with the most reassuring voice he could manage. “Any Dwarf would consider it an honor to die for their King.”

Thorin didn’t look any less guilty at that, but he waved his hand a bit in a tired manner, as if telling him to drop the subject. But something had once again piqued Fili’s interest. “Why didn’t you and Father get along? You said you had ‘differences’, what does that mean?” Thorin’s expression changed at once from depressed to infuriated, and Fili almost jumped.

But Thorin didn’t have the chance to give an answer; they heard the front door open and close. Thorin hastily grabbed his nephew’s wrist and hissed: “That is none of your business and I shouldn’t have even mentioned it. Now, make sure you never talk about it again, to anyone. Understand?”

Fili nodded, his eyes wide, but felt the urge to make a counter-demand. “You need to tell Mother about Father’s death. She should know what happened.”

Thorin’s face grew gentler and he let go of the thin wrist. “I will. When she is ready for it.” Then Dis and Kili walked into the kitchen and the twosome around the table tried their very hardest to look like there had been nothing but silence while they were gone.

*

Fili wasn’t sure how he knew it – his mind was still very full of loss – but after Thorin had been with them for two months, he was certain that the King hadn’t forgotten his wish to make an heir out of him. And the thing was, he wasn’t so sure about refusing it anymore. Father’s death had changed a lot. Thorin had become closer to all of them (although Mother was still quick to give him a piece of her mind whenever she disapproved of something he said or did) and his demeanor didn’t feel as threatening as it had the year before.

Fili was also suddenly feeling the responsibility for his family getting heavier. With Father gone, he would need to take care of Mother and Kili. And he was rather sure that being heir to the King was pretty much the best way to ensure their wealth and safety.

At times, he wondered why Thorin didn’t simply marry and have a son to continue his line. It wasn’t like it would have been hard for him to find a wife; besides being the King, he was considered very attractive for his unique, slightly less-than-traditionally-Dwarvish looks and fighting skills. The rumors about his various female admirers had reached basically all the ears in the Blue Mountains, but he apparently turned them all down with his sincerest apologies.

But Fili dared not ask about it, not after the discussion about Father. He decided that Uncle Thorin was probably just not really cut out for marriage; Fili could imagine how hard he would be to live with, what with all the brooding and glaring.

When he felt the time was right, Fili talked to his mother about becoming an heir. Mother, in her unique way of expressing both pride and worry at the same time, simply smiled sadly and said “If that is what you wish, my brave boy.” It wasn’t quite the reassurance Fili had been hoping for, but he realized that Mother was trying her hardest not to let her own feelings affect his decision.

There was one more person whose opinion he needed, whose words he would blindly go by, whatever they were. They were in their room, playing with some of the wooden animals Thorin had carved for Kili, when Fili blurted out of nowhere: “I think Uncle Thorin wants me to be his heir and become the King after him.” Kili’s eyes went wide but his sincerely delightful smile was even wider. And just like that, Fili’s heart was set.

When Thorin asked him to his chambers to talk, he said “Yes” before the King had even finished his sentence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WHOOP there we go, little Fili being so responsible and rational that it kinda breaks your heart. So that was it for the first part, and what happens next is we're gonna take a leap forward in time - some fifty years or so...


	6. Brothers by Love - 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This part is where things start getting exciting. Also, Kili's a little shit and I love him.

~50 YEARS LATER~

 

Fili woke up with a start. For a moment he was still inside his dream, a dream that had brought cold sweat of distress out all over his body. Then he blinked, it was a bright morning in his room with sunlight streaming through the curtains, and he couldn’t remember anything about his dream. Just that it had been scary.

It didn’t surprise him that the memory of the dream had faded fast; he never seemed to remember any of his dreams properly. Kili, on the other hand, would amuse him with wild tales of his epic, long dreams that often seemed to have actual storylines, although they followed the absurd dream logic.

Sometimes Kili asked him if he really didn’t remember anything of his own night-visions, even fragments? And Fili would be reminded of some dreams – those with a warm, wet mouth searching his most sensitive places and an unidentifiable body sprawled on top of his, making him insane with lust.

From those dreams, he woke up with tenting trousers and a guilty feeling of pleasure. He never shared these thoughts with Kili, just blushed and told him that no, he didn’t remember _anything_.

Now he got up from his bed with a sigh of frustration: even though the nightmare was out of his memory’s reach, the uneasy feeling would probably stay for the whole day. And today would be an important one: Thorin was expecting him to join in a meeting with a delegation from the Iron Hills. They would be discussing the prices for which the Dwarves were selling swords to Men, or something like that.

 _Probably the most boring meeting since the infamous “Should we braid our beards in more than six braids for the festive occasions?” -discussion,_ Kili had commented the subject once Thorin had been safely out of hearing distance. Truthfully, Fili had to agree with his brother, but as Thorin’s heir it was his duty to observe these meetings, along with everything else he’d had to learn.

Fili slomped to the kitchen he shared with his brother, and to his delightful surprise, found Kili there already digging into his plentiful breakfast. “Morning! You are up rather early, little brother.”

Kili looked up at him, his wide smile a picture of innocence, and answered: “Well, can’t be late for the important meeting, can we?” Another surprise.

As the third in line for the throne, Kili had of course been through some training, alongside Fili’s. This had included, for example, battle training with Thorin’s good friend Dwalin and various other skilled fighters; history and politics lessons with old Balin; gem- and metal-knowledge with a dwarf named Fedur, who seemed to be an expert on all things shiny; and on top of that, plenty of advice, orders, corrections, annoyed sighs and even some rare praises from Thorin himself.

But Kili was never so much _required_ to join these lessons, more like _encouraged_. It seemed to be the common opinion that the youngest member of Durin’s line would be somewhat… unsuited for the throne, at least compared to his uncle and brother. Fili, although irritated by this injustice, could kind of see why.

Kili did have some rather un-kingly qualities, such as a hot temper, short attention span, a taste for pranks and the tendency to act long before thinking – that is, if he ever thought about anything at all. But while his responsibility was nowhere near as heavy as Fili’s, he often joined his brother in lessons to keep him company and to lighten Fili’s mood whenever he was worried about the weight of the throne on his shoulders. Still, he rarely attended anything he deemed too uninteresting for his taste, unless it was a specific request from Thorin.

But now, he was voluntarily going to join Fili in a most likely boring meeting and showing such a happy face about it? Maybe he was finally growing up, Fili mused. The thought tug a little at his heartstrings, but also made him very proud. His little brother would show his worth to everyone else for once!

He really should have known better.

* 

Five minutes into the meeting, Fili already knew that they would never survive this without some dire consequences. Thorin was glaring daggers at him and Kili whenever the visitors from Iron Hills were looking the other way. Fili squirmed uncomfortably, but Kili simply seemed amused.

Since they first entered the room, the dark-haired prince had done his very best to make complete fools out of both himself and Fili. He had greeted the guests with some seemingly naïve, but offending observations (“Oh, you must be very wealthy since you don’t waste gold on nice clothes, Master Luwin!”), burst into silent, but noticeable fits of giggles at completely random times, and had finally produced from his inner pocket a handful of bright-coloured live flowers, which he was now braiding into Fili’s hair like there was nothing else happening in the world.

Fili was too mortified to even try to stop his little brother. He knew Kili’s obsession with pranks and jokes better than anyone – he had taught him the best ones, and lately the younger Dwarf had pulled his tricks more often than ever. He should have realized that Kili’s desire to join the meeting had nothing to do with learning and everything to do with causing mayhem.

The Dwarves of Iron Hills were giving Kili some very long looks by now. Gathering up his courage and trying very hard to forget the soft movements of the hands currently braiding daisies into his golden mane, Fili spoke up to answer to some question about swords posed by Master Luwin.

In the middle of his sentence, Kili snaked his hand under the table to squeeze Fili’s thigh and he let out a small squeak of surprise before falling into a stunned silence. Everyone was staring at him now, and it was so quiet that he could hear Kili trembling with inheld laughter beside him. Fili felt his face redden like never before and gave a look of desperate appeal to his uncle.

Thorin’s eyes were positively murderous, but he took pity on his nephew, cleared his throat and brought up some other issue. Once Thorin was again the centre of everyone’s focus, Fili decided that it was time to minimize the damage of the situation. “Get up, we’re leaving now,” he hissed in his brother’s ear and stood up, trying to be as invisible as possible. 

Kili, still grinning, obeyed his brother and they walked towards the door. The other Dwarves seemed to be once again rather invested in their discussion and paid them little attention. Reaching for the door handle, Fili gave a small sigh of relief.

Exactly that moment, Kili decided to grab his ass. Fili yelped and immediately threw a hand on his mouth. The silence behind them was deafening. His body working faster than his mind, Fili grabbed Kili by the wrist, opened the door with his other hand and pulled his brother half-running to the other side, down the hallway, and behind a few corners before stopping to take some deep breaths. Next to him, Kili was finally howling out loud with laughter.

“Oh, Brother! Did you see the faces of those old bats?” Kili giggled, holding his stomach. “Now _that_ was a meeting worth having!”

“Are you completely insane?” Fili fumed, still slightly shaking with panic. “What on earth were you thinking, acting like such an idiot in front of all those highborn Dwarves, and Uncle Thorin? Oh gods, Thorin. He’s going to kill us. I’d be surprised if he doesn’t desire to kill us multiple times after all that!”

Kili refused to show even the smallest hint of remorse. “Lighten up. I just wanted to shake them a little bit. It’s good for them, they’re all so stuffed up and old-fashioned.”

Actually, Fili knew what his brother meant. He felt like he could nearly have laughed, too, if it wasn’t for the nagging feeling of irritating uncomfortableness on the back of his mind. He was still quite shaken and it took him a moment to place the cause of his anger, but when he did, he gave his brother the most stern look he could muster. “And just what was the point of grabbing my… my backside?” He questioned. He felt a bit flushed again, and even more so when Kili gave that damn puppy-smile.

“I thought it would be the best way to give you a little jump.”

All of a sudden, Fili was feeling very annoyed at the lightness with which Kili was handling the situation. “I think we should return home now, and wait for Thorin to come and kill us,” he said with a rather cold tone and started pacing away.

Kili hurried two steps behind him and pleaded, “Oh, don’t be mad… Fee…” The use of his childhood pet-name almost made Fili forget his anger. Almost. But he knew Kili was just trying to play his weaknesses and strode on.

They arrived home and retired to their respective bedrooms in total silence. They stayed in them until they both heard a sudden opening and slamming of their front door, followed by the enraged voice of the King Under the Mountain: “BOTH OF YOU, IN HERE, NOW!”, and knew that it was time to face the consequences.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, they're in so much trouble... By the way, yes, Fili and Kili's quarters are situated by the outer walls of Ered Luin so they do indeed have a couple of windows. It's their priviledge as the members of the royal line. Dis and Thorin don't care for such things so their homes are windowless, but the boys love the sense of freedom and fresh air it gives them.


	7. Brothers by Love - 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's technically Wednesday here already (four AM) and since I won't be at the computer tomorrow (gonna see BotFA again with my girls and then head to a little New Year's drink party), have the next chapter with a growling Thorin.

“Kili, you are without a doubt the most irresponsible and least rational Dwarf the line of Durin has ever suffered. Tell me, do you ever give a tiniest bit of thought to anything you do?” Thorin wasn’t mincing his words, and in spite of his own annoyance, Fili started to feel sorry for his little brother.

Kili, too, was affected by their uncle’s disapproval and finally seemed to have a little bit of regret in his down-laid eyes. “I’m sorry, Uncle Thorin. I meant no harm, I just felt like having a bit of fun.”

Thorin’s eyes flashed dangerously. “You are of a royal bloodline, it’s not proper nor wise to waste your efforts on childish pranks! And even if it were, there is a time and place for that!”

Kili looked ashamed, and Thorin turned his attention to Fili. “And you – after all these years, have you still not learned to keep your brother in line? You know he’s prone to this kind of foolishness, yet you turn a blind eye to his antics? He should respect you as his future King as well as his older brother!”

At this, Kili seemed to forget his shame. “I do respect Fili!” he blurted. “And what are you blaming him for? It was my fault, and mine alone. He had nothing to do with it, and he already yelled at me for it. Please leave him alone.” Fili stared at his little brother with a fearful surprise. Kili’s gaze was stern and directed right at Thorin, who was fuming.

“I don’t believe you are even aware of what respect is. And because of you, not only yourself and your brother, but also I have quite possibly lost the respect of our friends from the Iron Hills. You made the line of Durin look like a joke.”

Kili’s face turned perplexed and he blinked. “Lost the respect? You? Uncle, what on earth are you saying? Do you even hear yourself?” This was said with such a sincerity that both Fili and Thorin were taken aback.

Kili leaned forward. “Uncle Thorin. You are the King Under the Mountain. The descendant of the mighty Durin. The most powerful and wise of Dwarf-lords. You are Thorin Oakenshield, the great hero of our people. Do you really think that my silly pranks in some otherwise uneventful meeting could even begin to take away from the respect that each member of our kind has for you?”

A long silence followed his words. Fili was amazed. Of course he had known that Kili looked up to Thorin, much like himself, but it was most unexpected to hear him talking like this, so seriously and with such dignity. Thorin, it seemed, was absolutely dumbstruck by Kili’s speech and the sentiment behind it. Their eyes were still locked, but instead of anger, Kili’s were now filled with earnesty and Thorin’s with surprise.

Then Thorin turned his gaze away (the gesture seemed to stir something in Fili’s memory, but he let it slide) and said: “Very well. I will believe that you didn’t mean to do any harm. Nevertheless, you have acted in a way unsuitable for your position, and I will figure out a punishment for that. Now, please go to your room. I need to discuss with your brother for a while.”

Kili looked suspiciously at Thorin before turning his eyes to Fili and receiving a reaffirming nod. Then he stood up from the table, took a bow at Thorin (as if to underline his words of respect) and walked to his room, closing the door behind him. Fili looked after him, lost in thought. He wondered, and not for the first time, about the curious, invisible bond his brother and uncle seemed to share.

With Fili, Thorin always behaved very much like a King and Uncle was to be expected: he gave praise or scold when they were needed, he was kind and warm enough but always kept the polite emotional distance his rank required, and yet he was never needlessly harsh with him.

Kili was a different story. And Fili was quite sure that neither of them realized it themselves – but he had watched them all his life and knew everything there was to know about their behaviour. He had seen how easily Thorin would lose his temper with Kili, and how quick he was to forgive the dark-haired prince for anything he did.

Fili had seen a rare glimpse of tenderness in Thorin’s eyes occasionally when the King looked at Kili, but it never appeared around anyone else. It was safe to say that Kili was Thorin’s weak spot, even though Fili didn’t know why – perhaps it was Thorin’s worry over the youngest (and most accident-prone) of Durin’s line? Or maybe he saw something of himself in Kili? Balin had once told them that Kili reminded him a lot of Thorin in his youth.

And as for the other way around, Kili certainly went out of his way to impress Thorin (when some prank wasn’t stealing his attention). And then again, his easily irritated temper seemed to be at its worst around their uncle; when Kili was younger, the two would have shouting matches that echoed all around the hallways. He had calmed down a bit with the years, but he would still face his uncle straight on when he felt the need to defend himself.

That was probably the most eye-catching thing about their relationship: Fili had seen grown, dignified Dwarves shrink under Thorin’s intense gaze, but while Kili respected their uncle greatly, he didn’t have the slightest bit of fear for him. _Everyone_ feared Thorin a little bit (Fili knew he did) for his inner darkness and unyielding authority, but not Kili. Then again, it might have just been because he was an idiot.

“And here I always thought he wouldn’t be able to act respectfully if his life depended on it. It seems that Balin has managed to teach him something, after all,” Thorin was now saying, pulling Fili back from his thoughts. The King was chuckling to himself quietly ( _there it was again in his eyes, the tenderness_ ) and then let out a deep sigh before looking up at Fili again. “Now, I know what happened today wasn’t your fault, but I would still like for you to keep a closer eye on your brother.”

Fili carefully kept his face neutral, even though he was wondering how on earth he would be able to watch Kili even more closely than he already did; they spent almost every waking moment together.

“He seems more restless than usual. I believe that if something is bothering him, you will be the only person who could find it out. Can you talk to him?”

Fili was a little flustered at Thorin’s certainty of his influence over Kili, but nodded. He had noticed Kili’s behaviour too. “How are you going to punish him for ruining the meeting?”

Thorin smiled dryly. “He didn’t exactly ruin it… Our guests seemed to think that I deserved their support for having to deal with such a dimwit of a nephew, so they were quite a bit more agreeable than I expected. But if you ever tell that to Kili, I’ll have Dwalin try his new axes on you.” Fili couldn’t help smirking. “But as for the punishment, I might send him to the kitchens to peel potatoes for a few days, I think it’ll do him good.”

Thorin started to get up. “I must go, I will be needed in another meeting after dinner.”

“Would you like me and Kili to join you as well?” Fili asked, still grinning.

“Not if you value your lives,” Thorin groaned as an answer. Fili laughed out loud at that, and Thorin dared to smile at his nephew as well. “By the way, you still have flowers in your hair,” The King noted lightly as he stepped out of the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't even with these three. So, the next chapter will be up on January 1st once I wake up from my hangover - see you then and have a happy New Year's Eve :)


	8. Brothers by Love - 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all had a lovely New Year's Eve! Now, let's kick in 2015 by getting down to some business, shall we?

That night, Fili suggested that they cook supper for themselves, instead of going to Mother’s like they did most evenings. Over the years, their childhood home might have grown too small for their convenience, but Dis never seemed to tire of feeding them whenever they felt like visiting. Nevertheless, they were somewhat decent cooks themselves (or rather, Fili was – Kili just did what his brother told him to) and enjoyed dining in just each others’ company every now and then.

So, when they were almost finished with their roast beef and mashed potatoes, Fili felt content enough to voice the question that had been on his mind ever since Thorin had left.

“Is there anything wrong, Brother? Anything bothering you?” Kili looked up from his plate with surprise. So far, the supper had been fairly quiet (hungry Dwarves don’t like to waste time on small talk when there’s food around) and after their uncle’s visit, the air had seemed cleared from their earlier clashing.

Kili was clearly in high spirits after not getting in as much trouble as he had thought, and Fili’s inquiry came out of the blue to him. “What do you mean? Do I seem like there’s something wrong?”

Fili squirmed just a little bit. “Not exactly… But you have certainly been… restless lately. More so than usual. I mean, you can’t sit through a lesson without driving poor Balin insane with your fidgeting. And you almost hit your own leg with an axe the other day when we were training. And the pranks! I thought Mother would die right there when she found the grasshopper you had put in her saucepan.” The edges of Kili’s mouth twitched just slightly upwards at that, but otherwise his expression was blank and expecting.

“I mean…” Fili continued, struggling to find the right words. “Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mind any of that. Although you should pay closer attention in training, I don’t want you to hurt yourself.” He didn’t even think about what he was doing when he reached to the other side of the table and touched Kili’s wrist, just with his fingertips. “But I can’t help wondering if this isn’t your way of dealing with something that’s bothering you. Something that you’re hiding.”

For the absolutely briefest moment, something flashed in the dark brown depths of Kili’s eyes that made Fili’s heart pound. Fear? Joy? Despair? He couldn’t tell, it was over too quickly.

And then Kili was smiling again, the same brilliant smile he always wore, and it was like soothing balm to Fili’s worried mind. “Everything is alright, Brother. You’re worse than Mother sometimes. And besides, I would be more worried about myself if I were you…” Kili stood up and reached to touch Fili’s hair, pulling something out.

Fili found himself strangely frozen at the sudden touch. Then Kili dangled a small, bright red flower victoriously in front of him. “Someone might mistake you for a golden-haired maiden if you keep wearing flowers.”

Fili snorted, fingers combing through his own hair now. “And who was it that put them in there in the first place? I thought I got all of them out already,” he murmured.

Kili chuckled. “Too bad. I think you looked rather cute with them.” With that, he took his plate and excused himself from the table. He left the flower behind with Fili, who stared after him once again lost in thought, fingers still sliding through his hair.

*

In his sleep, Fili saw red droplets of blood that turned into small flowers. He heard a familiar laugh and felt a hand grabbing his ass, and then the grab softened into a caress, and warmth was flooding through him and a fire was rising between his legs –

Suddenly awake, he bolted upright in the moonlight, painfully close to a release, and without a second thought he reached under the blanket and stroked himself a few times before coming with a soft moan, the red flower dancing behind his eyelids. He wiped the mess on the corner of his blanket, laid back down and fell asleep again almost immediately, without dreaming.

He didn’t remember anything in the morning.

 *

Although Fili was widely recognized as the more clever brother, it was not exactly something to take pride in – pretty much everyone was considered to be smarter than Kili. And it took Fili quite some time to realize that something was off. It didn’t happen overnight. At first, he wasn’t even sure it was really happening. So maybe he was looking at his brother more often than usual when he didn’t notice. What of it? Thorin had specifically told Fili to keep an eye on the younger prince.

And Kili was nice to look at, everyone knew it. The dwarf-maidens of about their age (whose mothers were quite usually the ones with a keen interest in Uncle Thorin) followed him around giggling wherever he went, it seemed. Maybe Fili found it a little irritating. Or a lot.

But was that so strange? After all, Kili was of Durin’s line, not some piece of meat to be slobbered over (in the back of his mind, he knew that the wenches were actually quite respectful and not at all slobbery, but he successfully ignored the voice of reason).

But more and more of these things kept happening, and in the solitary of his room at night, his mind started to drift towards the reasoning that it wasn’t exactly normal to feel like this. But he pushed it away… Until a day came that he couldn’t do that anymore.

They were training, like they did most days. Dwalin made them work hard and the day was hot, so they felt extremely sweaty and dirty by the time he deemed they had done enough for the day.

And it just so happened that Kili knew of a small forest pond, close enough to the entrance of the Main Hall of Ered Luin, but still secluded. “I discovered it one day when practising my bow and arrows by myself,” he explained. Fili nodded. He knew Kili didn’t like to practise with a bow in front of an audience, it raised too much muttering about “fighting like Elves”.

They set off towards the forest that began right outside the foot of the mountain. They joked and talked and felt all-around good – why wouldn’t they, on such a lovely day and with an evening full of relaxation to look forward?

 *

Kili excused himself to take a piss behind the bushes before going in the water, so Fili stripped and went ahead alone. The pond was absolutely perfect: hidden in a beautiful place in the middle of lush green trees, and small enough that the bright sunlight had warmed it up nicely during the day.

Fili closed his eyes and let out a sigh of complete satisfaction as he felt the sweat and dirt washing away from his tired body. The water wasn’t very deep even in the middle of the pond, and he could keep his feet planted on the bottom of it while letting the rest of his body just lull in the water. It was so relaxing, he almost dozed off for a moment.

The sound of a quiet splash snapped him out of his half-awake state. He opened his eyes and realized that Kili had joined him by the pond, had also rid himself of his clothes and was standing still just ankle-deep in the water. Fili’s breath caught. He couldn’t help it. Kili was looking towards the forest (listening to the birds, apparently) with a soft smile, staying perfectly still with one leg before the other, one hand brushing through his own hair and the other behind his back, smoothing over the aching muscles of his lower back.

There was something undwarvishly graceful, almost delicate, about his stance. The green and golden light of the early evening was bathing his naked skin and making him look like some magical forest spirit. His black hair glistened in the rays of the sun.

It was the most beautiful sight Fili had ever laid eyes upon.

Then Kili broke the idyllic picture by taking three running steps before jumping in stomach-first to make a huge splash and almost colliding with Fili. “For Gods’ sakes, Kili, calm down!” Fili snapped with more irritation than he meant, because he was a little overwhelmed by the feeling in his lower stomach awakened by the sight of Kili.

But the younger brother simply laughed, shaking the wet hair away from his face. “Sorry! Just felt like splashing a bit, you seemed like you were falling asleep.”

Fili shook his head and let the issue slide. He walked a couple of steps away from his brother, taking a deep and slightly trembling breath. What was this? Why did looking at Kili make him feel like this? Of course Kili was beautiful, Fili had known that from the moment he was born – but the sensation that had stirred in his body at the sight of him just now was definitely not something he should be feeling towards his little brother.

“Fili?”

He made very sure that he was crouched enough that he was up to his chest in the water before turning slightly towards Kili. “Yes?” Kili’s smile reminded him of the one he had worn on the morning of the disastrous meeting, and it put him on his guard.

“Would you wash my back for me? My shoulders are aching badly, and I’d rather not strain them too much.” Kili tilted his head ( _not the damned head-tilting_ , Fili cursed in his mind) and turned his lean-muscled back to his brother, the water swaying about his waist. Fili stood undecided for a moment, then sighed and walked closer.

Kili let out a half-sigh, half-moan of pleasure when Fili dribbled water down his shoulders. Behind his back, Fili turned red and wanted to kick him. He stayed as far away from Kili’s warm body as possible, his arms straight and stiff as he scrubbed the sweat and dust away, leaving only clean, water-slicked skin. When Kili’s back was properly washed, he turned to look at his older brother with a dazzling smile of gratitude, and Fili became distinctly aware that his arms weren’t the only things going stiff.

It took him a considerable amount of self-control to calm himself enough to get out of the water fifteen minutes later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You're not alone Fili, a sight like that would make anyone a little bit dysfunctional.


	9. Brothers by Love - 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It wouldn't be a love story without some torturous pining, now would it?

In the privacy of his bedroom, in the comforting silence of the night, Fili tried to sort out his mind. But he only found dead ends and dark corners that he was not quite ready to face.

Instead, his mind’s eye kept flashing back to the image of Kili standing in the water. His smooth skin, his strong legs and arms, his handsomely sculpted chest, covered in dark hair that trailed down his stomach and below… His cock, resting between his thighs. Fili felt his own hardening again at the image. He tried, weakly, to ignore it for a while, but then got frustrated and decided to deal with the arousal now and the regrets later.

He pulled down his trousers and took his hard member in hand. Grabbing a small jar of oil from beneath his blankets with his free hand, he poured some of it over the tip and then started to slide his hand up and down, spreading the oil all over. He let out a little grunt and arched his back with enjoyment.

While stroking himself towards release, Fili let his mind wander freely, and found it circling intensely around his brother. Kili’s smile. Kili’s stomach. Kili’s laughter. Kili’s lips on his own. Kili’s hand on his cock, Kili moaning with pleasure, Kili gasping beneath him, Kili’s body locked with his, Kili shouting his name in ecstasy, Kili – Kili –

Fili came with such intensity that for a while, he forgot to breathe. His ears were ringing. When the overwhelming pleasure slowly began to subside, he started to draw huge breaths and just stared at the ceiling in the darkness, laying there bonelessly.

Obviously, he had a problem.

 *

It could be simply lust, he pondered the next morning while secretly glancing at Kili all through the breakfast. Maybe if he just found a pretty Dwarven maid to court and bring to his bed, his inappropriate feelings would fade away. He tried to believe it, he wanted to believe it.

But when Kili looked up at him and gave that smile again, that uniquely dazzling and relaxed smile that was only ever reserved for his big brother, Fili felt the happy jolt in his heart, not his privates. And if he was honest with himself, he had known from the start that Kili was the person he cared most about and would always love the most.

Love. There it was. Fili was in love with his little brother. It was wrong in all the ways it could possibly be, but he knew it to be the truth. It made him sick and it made his head spin and his heart pound with panic. But when Kili said that he would join him in Balin’s history lesson that day, no pranks included, the explosion of joy in his chest wiped all that aside, for a moment at least.

 *

The next few days were the longest Fili had ever suffered through, if he didn’t count the horrible time after Father’s death. At the worst moments he almost missed the emptiness he had harbored back then, because now he was just constantly feeling so many things at once that it utterly exhausted him.

The oblivious warmth he felt in Kili’s presence, the guilt and horror, the frequent pangs of arousal, the jealousy if anyone else got too close to his brother. The way that each time Kili’s arm or leg happened to brush against his seemed to set a fire to his entire body. And the underlying feeling behind it all, the love that had not faded in the slightest but instead appeared to grow more intense with every passing hour. It was all very hard and confusing and at times, he thought he was certainly going crazy.

He wondered if it would be easier to just shout out his feelings right at Kili’s face and be done with it, come what may. But Fili was scared beyond belief that Kili would hate him and push him out of his life. The thought of Kili’s absence from his side terrified him even more than Thorin’s fury, Mother’s disappointment and society’s judgement. He could not and would not live without Kili. Better to just keep his dirty secret to himself, no matter how much it pained him.

 *

Once again, it was training time with Master Dwalin. Thankfully, the weather was a bit less hot today; it looked like it might rain later. But Fili was distracted, his eyes wandering towards a certain dark-haired figure swinging a large axe at a wooden Orc about ten meters to his left.

“Concentrate, Fili!” growled Dwalin as he brought his sword down, and Fili barely managed to prevent the strike with his own blade. Dwalin snorted disapprovingly. “Yer head is in the clouds today, lad. We might as well stop now, before you hurt yerself. Get a grip and make sure you do better next time!” With that, Dwalin walked away, leaving Fili with his head hanging in shame.

Then Kili was by his side. “Cheer up, Brother. I bet Dwalin has some off days too. Want to practise with me for a while? I promise not to yell at you if you’re terrible.”

Fili threw him a dirty look, but couldn’t help smirking. He wasn’t sure if it was the best idea to swing swords with the very person who was the cause of his distraction, especially when they were all alone with no one else in sight, but the temptation was too much – and besides, he _did_ want to get some more practise done.

They took their places, facing each other with large two-hand swords. At Fili’s nod, they sprung into action, leaping here, stepping there, clanging the swords together. Although they usually sparred with Dwalin, they had also practised with each other for years already.

Both of them knew the other’s movements and strategies so well that by now, they moved together with an unusual fluidity for Dwarves; it almost seemed like they were dancing rather than battling. Although they liked to spice the fight with snarky comments.

_Clang!_ “Is that all you got?”

_Clang!_ “Watch your step, Brother!”

_Clang!_ “Almost had you there!”

_Clang!_ “You couldn’t hit me if I was standing still, Kili!" 

Kili laughed at that, slightly out of breath, and the sound made Fili’s stomach flutter and his brain froze for just a second. A second too much, as it turned out. Kili was swinging his sword again, right towards Fili’s arm, and Fili fumbled with his sword. Kili realized it, tried to stop the motion, but the sword was heavy. Fili side-stepped, but a bit too late; Kili’s sword grazed his right forearm, hard enough to slice through the leather tunic and bite into his flesh.

Fili yelped; Kili screamed and dropped the sword. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry! Are you hurt? Let me see!” The face of the younger prince was turning white as he hurried to his brother’s side and started to peel away the sleeve of the injured hand. Fili tried to protest weakly; the wound stung but he didn’t think it was dreadfully serious.

Kili wouldn’t hear it. His lips began to tremble when he saw the wound and the blood seeping slowly from it. “Oh no, oh no, I’m sorry,” he whispered.

Fili placed his left hand soothingly on the top of Kili’s head and said softly: “It’s all right. The wound is not deep, I will be fine. Please calm down, it wasn’t your fault.”

Kili looked at him then, a frown on his face, brown eyes welling with tears. “But I _hurt_ you, Fee.”

Fili kissed him.

He wasn’t thinking. He wasn’t… anything. There was only the look in Kili’s eyes, those eyes that he loved more than anything, this person whom he needed more than he needed air, and kissing him right then was the only possible thing to do. Their lips moved smoothly against each other, and for a fleeting moment, that was all he knew and needed. Then a thought crossed his mind, a single thought: _Kili’s kissing me back_.

And before he could linger on that, the whole situation suddenly crashed down on him and his oblivion changed to ice-cold panic. He broke away, eyes immediately down to his feet, too terrified to look at Kili. He didn’t want to see the anger or confusion or fear on his little brother’s face, he couldn’t.

When Kili spoke, it sounded like his voice was very far away. “Fili, please…” he was searching for the words. Fili didn’t want to hear them, he didn’t, he had to leave. Kili’s hand touched his cheek – and he turned around and walked away, ran away, as fast as he could. Kili was shouting after him, but he shut his ears and kept going. Raindrops started to fall from the sky.

 *

Fili was at the pond. He didn’t know why, his legs had just led him there, and then given in underneath him. He was on his knees in the mud, and the sky was leaking water all over him until there wasn’t a dry inch on his skin, even under the leather tunic.

_It’s over_ , he thought, _everything’s gone wrong_. Kili would hate him. Kili would leave him. His chest tightened and he felt tears forming in his eyes. He let them fall; why would it matter? His wounded arm was still exposed, and the raindrops touching the wound were tinted red.

The sky was dark and the rain kept falling and he didn’t know how long he stayed there kneeling, feeling nothing but the cold, lost in his despair. The thunder was rumbling – but that wasn’t thunder, it was footsteps. He looked up, and there was Kili, yet again. There was no anger, confusion or fear on his face, only relief at the sight of his older brother.

“I found you,” Kili sighed and walked to him. Fili tried to get up, but his legs were numb from his uncomfortable position and he fell on his ass.

Kili sat in the mud next to him like it was nothing, and took his healthy hand. “Fili,” he said with a soft, calming voice, “why did you run from me? Did you think that I would be angry that you kissed me?”

Kili’s unyielding gaze at those words made Fili blush, and he stammered: “I – I didn’t – are you not, then?”

The younger brother chuckled quietly. “Let me tell you something, Brother.” His thumb was sliding across Fili’s knuckles and his long dark hair was getting more soaked with rain every second. “You said a while back that I have been restless. It’s true. I was being nervous and edgy and over-energetic, because I wanted to tell you something and didn’t know if I could or should. I’m – I’m still not sure if you want to hear it, but I can’t shut up anymore.”

Kili closed both of his hands around Fili’s and looked deep into his eyes, not blinking. “I love you, Fili, I’m _in love_ with you. I have been for a long time. I didn’t want to… to burden you with it, but lately it’s been harder for me to hide. And then you kissed me, and I thought, maybe… maybe you are also…”

Fili could hardly even hear anymore over the beating of his heart. Kili’s eyes were turning wary, but had a wild spark of hope in them, and Fili decided at that exact moment that the consequences be damned, he would take this blessing. “I am, Kili,” he whispered before pulling his brother to him, their lips finding each other in the pouring rain.

This time Fili was conscious enough to really savour the kiss. The softness of Kili’s lips, the hands tangled in his wet hair, the thrilled little noises that Kili was making in the back of his throat. And most of all the knowledge that this was what they both wanted, what they both knew to be right, and it made his heart leap with almost feral joy.

After half a lifetime, it seemed, they softly broke apart, but kept their foreheads pressed together and just stared wordlessly into each other’s eyes for another long while. Then Fili slowly grew conscious of the cold water running down his tunic and had to turn away quite abruptly to sneeze.

Kili chuckled, his eyes still a little glazed with bliss. “We should get back home. You’ll catch a cold, sitting here in the mud in this deluge.”

Fili muttered something pointed back, but was not opposed to getting into somewhere warm and dry. They helped each other get on their feet and started to walk back towards Ered Luin, hands linked as if on a common agreement.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How cute are these two dorks? Aww.


	10. Brothers by Love - 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More fluff? More fluff. And dessert.

After he had dried himself, bandaged his wounded hand and put on a pair of night-trousers, Fili heard a familiar knock from his door, just as he had expected. “Come in,” he said, and Kili walked in, clad only in trousers like himself. There was a wordless question in his eyes, and when Fili nodded and smiled, Kili smiled back and crossed the room to place a soft kiss on his lips.

A flare of warmth flashed in Fili’s lower belly, but he knew that neither of them wanted to pursue anything too intimate tonight; they were both tired and the situation was very new. They had all the time in the world, so it was better to ease into it.

But that didn’t mean they couldn’t sleep beside each other, like they had as Dwarflings.

Kili waited for Fili to get under covers before he slid beside him and snuggled closer. It was incredible to feel his warmth on Fili’s side, incredible both in body and mind, and Fili took him in his arms with a relaxed sigh. Kili nuzzled his face into Fili’s neck. “I can’t believe I’m here. I can’t believe any of this.” He raised his hand to caress his brother’s cheek. “I love you, Fili, I really do.”

Fili lifted his chin with a gentle finger. “I love you too, with all my heart.” The kiss they shared was sweet and lingering. Fili was quite sure he would never get bored of kissing Kili, but when their lips parted, he still felt the need to bring out his older brother responsibilities – for the good of them both.

“But are you sure you are ready for this?” Kili’s face was confused. “I mean… This is what I want, but everyone else is going to see it as something dark and twisted. And wrong.” Kili’s eyes flashed with internal pain, and Fili pulled him even closer.

“It’s one thing to have relations between males, even if it’s kind of frowned upon. You know, with the ‘importance of regenerating the bloodlines of the Dwarves’ and all that,” he quoted Balin’s words from their lessons. “But it’s another matter completely to be romantically involved with your own kin. We would certainly be in a lot of trouble if anyone was to find out. Punished, exiled, thrown into dungeon… I don’t think it’s unheard of to even get a death sentence over something like that.”

“Are you _trying_ to make me depressed?” Kili asked, his lips trembling almost unnoticeably.

Fili couldn’t help but chuckle. “Of course not. And I know it seems unfair, but it’s the truth, and you should understand it fully before we get into anything that cannot be reversed. If we are to do this – if we are to become lovers – we must always hide it. We can never take our love out into the open. And we will be faced with a lot of questions and demands, if we will never marry and produce heirs.” The gravity of it was just now beginning to dawn on Fili. “We could be responsible for the end of the line of Durin.”

Kili didn’t have a response to that, and the silence was a slightly pressured one. After several moments, Kili got up on an elbow, looking down at Fili. “Does that make you feel that our love is not worth all the trouble?” he asked, no blame or anger in his voice.

Fili only had to consider for a heartbeat. “No. I think that our love – that _you_ are worth anything and everything that we will have to face.” And as Kili lowered down to bring their lips together once again, he knew it to be the truth.

 *

Over the next few weeks, Fili found that it was actually possible to get dizzy with happiness just by thinking of someone. Not that he had to spend too much time only thinking about Kili, since they were together almost all the time, and didn’t even have to worry about it being suspicious; things had been very much the same even before they came to confess their feelings. But now that they had, all of their everyday routines seemed new and exciting.

They greeted each other with sleepy kisses in the mornings. During training with Dwalin, they threw secret glances and smiles at each other (but otherwise kept their heads cool, so Dwalin wouldn’t get a reason to complain). On other lessons, they would often link their hands together under a table for a short while. At home, of course, there were no prying eyes so they were free to cling onto each other and talk about their fears and hopes.

When the night came, they would climb to the same bed (usually Fili’s, because it was slightly larger) and kiss and touch and whisper secret things into each other’s ears. They hadn’t had sex yet – they wanted to be absolutely comfortable when it came to that, and after living as brothers for so many decades, it took some getting used to the idea. But by the fire that was lit in his lower abdomen when Kili’s hands grazed his thighs, and by Kili’s little moans as they kissed hotly, Fili didn’t think it would take too long.

The hardest challenge for their delightful secret proved to be the times when they visited Mother for dinner, which wasn’t really a surprise. They were extremely aware of the fact that Dis knew them better than anyone (excluding each other), and struggled to act like everything was normal between them.

But like Kili had commented when they discussed the matter, it’s hard to act normal when they didn’t really know what “normal” meant for them. It’s not like they had ever focused on the way they acted before. But after the first time they visited, Fili felt like they managed well enough, although maybe they overdid it a little by staging a fake argument over the last steak. He thought that he caught Dis giving them a strange look a couple of times, but convinced himself that it was nothing.

It was a bit unexpected that fooling Thorin was almost as hard as lying to Mother. The King saw more than he let out, Fili supposed, and he had probably watched his nephews more closely than they realized. At first, Fili felt more than a little guilty in front of Thorin because of the fact that he and Kili would not be able to produce heirs. Ever since becoming Thorin’s heir, Fili had done his very best to be worthy of his praise, and yet he would betray his uncle’s hopes in this vital matter.

But he could not bring himself to feel bad about it for too long, not with Kili’s adorable sleeping form curled to his side by nights. He trusted that things would turn out alright in the end.

However, for a while it made his heart pound to be in the same room as Thorin. The King’s eyes bore an intensity quite similar to Kili’s, and Fili had to fight to not look away when he was addressed. In meetings and councils and on the few times that Thorin visited them or Mother’s home, Fili found himself watching his uncle more closely than before, to spot any possible hint that Thorin had guessed what was going on.

To his great relief, the King seemed oblivious to their secret; however, something else started to nag at him quietly in the back of his mind.

One afternoon, Dis had cooked a splendid dinner. And as rare as it was, Thorin joined them for it. They ate in a relative silence, with Dis sometimes questioning if everyone had enough of everything and Kili making some of his nonsensical and pointy comments about the boring quality of their lessons. Fili chuckled at his brother’s complaints and even Thorin seemed almost relaxed beneath his usual grumpy mask.

When their plates were empty, Dis collected them and said with her most motherly voice: “I have some dessert for you as well.”

“Is it cake?” two voices asked in perfect unison, and Fili looked up. Both Kili and Thorin were looking expectantly at Dis, apparently not even noticing their harmony. Now that Fili heard their voices at the same time like that, it was really clear how similar they sounded. Fili himself had a bit softer and huskier voice, but the two dark-haired Dwarves always spoke with a deep, clear baritone.

Dis smiled at them now and answered: “No cake today, you two. Just some fresh strawberries and cream.” At this, a slightly disappointed expression of not having their favourite treat creeped on both Thorin and Kili’s faces. Thorin was clearly not as much on his guard as usually, because he let his feelings show like that, and the two of them looked almost identical in their disapproval.

Fili had to laugh at that, they looked so funny somehow, and the thought of Thorin being as much of a cake enthusiast as Kili was simply hilarious. His brother and uncle looked at him with surprise, but then realized what they were doing and looked slightly embarrassed.

Dis chuckled for a moment too, but then fell serious, turned abruptly and walked away with the plates, keeping her back at them for a long while. Fili frowned a bit at that, but when Kili nudged his leg with his toe under the table and smiled, everything else quite effectively faded from Fili’s mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How about we up the rating to Explicit tomorrow? ;)


	11. Brothers by Love - 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ohh, I love the smell of E-rating in the morning.

A few days after the dinner with Mother and Thorin, Fili and Kili found themselves with an entire free day before them; Dwalin and Thorin, along with few others, were away on some hunting trip or other, and their sword practice was cancelled.

And although they were usually happy to always have something to do with all of their youthful energy, they had been working hard lately and were grateful for the day off. Especially since it meant that they could spend the entire day huddled together, preferably in bed. The heat between them had been rising more and more every day, and Fili found himself wondering if this was to be the chance for them to really take things forward.

Kili, as it turned out, was well past wondering about it.

After a long and bountiful breakfast, Fili decided to sit down for a while and pick up a book that Balin had suggested he read. It was a large collection of Dwarvish legends, illustrated with beautiful drawings, and he was soon quite absorbed in it.

At least until he felt a sudden warm weight on his leg and turned the book down to find Kili sitting on the floor in front of him, chin placed on his knee and a devilishly inviting expression on his face. The mere sight made Fili’s blood flow towards his groin.

“Seeing as this is our first free day since Durin knows when, how about you throw away the dusty old book and come celebrate with me, without clothes if at all possible?” The smile on Kili’s lips was blinding.

Fili blinked, put the book down (carefully) and swooped down to capture his brother’s lips in a fiery kiss. They tumbled down on the floor, into a mess of searching hands, opened buttons and clasps, and breathy whimpers. Fingertips met skin, bruises were sucked on necks and their need was growing more urgent by the second.

“Bedroom,” Fili gasped when he managed to tear his mouth away from his brother’s heated skin for a moment. Kili was only too happy to obey, and with some difficulty (since they didn’t seem able to stop the kissing and caressing) they succeeded in stumbling to Fili’s room.

Kili stopped when he felt the backs of his knees hitting the edge of bed. He broke away from the kiss and grinned at the whine that came out of Fili’s throat. The younger prince opened the last buttons of his shirt and threw it to the ground before sitting on the bed and slowly edging himself to the center, never breaking eye contact with his brother.

Fili was almost drooling as he got rid of his own shirt and kneeled on the bed, covering Kili’s body with his. Their lips, already swollen, found each other again as they brought their bare chests together. The warmth of his little brother filled Fili’s mind with pure bliss.

Kili grabbed a fistful of Fili’s long golden hair with both hands when Fili moved his lips from Kili’s mouth to his jaw, his neck, his collarbone… Fili slid slowly lower, and when he ran the tip of his tongue over a hard pink nipple, Kili’s back arched and the older brother felt the evidence of his arousal pressed against his lower stomach.

Fili moaned into the soft skin and started trailing wet kisses further down. “You make me lose my mind, Kili,” he whispered in between the kisses. “I want to see all of you.” After receiving a moan of approval, he set to opening the laces of Kili’s trousers and pulling them down. He stripped Kili of his last clothes and tossed them aside, and then just knelt there for a while, unmoving, eyes scanning every inch of the naked body before him.

There was an adorable blush on Kili’s cheeks, but he didn’t try to hide himself. Instead, he ran his own fingertips slowly, enjoyably over his body. From the dark hair on his chest to his creamy stomach, to a strong thigh, as if presenting himself to his brother.

Fili let his eyes fall between Kili’s legs, where his cock was standing rock-hard and twitching slightly under Fili’s attention. He slowly stroked its underside with two of his fingers, sliding them from the base to the tip, and Kili threw his head back with a long moan. “More, Fili… Touch me more.” Fili grinned and lowered his head.

“Oh!” Kili gasped as Fili tentatively slid his tongue along the shaft. Pleased with the reaction, Fili pressed a sloppy kiss on the tip of the cock before taking it in his mouth, inch by inch. Kili’s mouth was hanging open and his eyes screwed shut, but he had apparently been rendered voiceless.

Once Fili had slid all the way down, he took a moment to get adjusted to the fullness in his mouth and to find a comfortable breathing rhythm, while Kili was gripping the headboard of the bed so hard his knuckles turned white, to control his urge to thrust into his brother’s hot mouth. Then Fili started to move, up and down, carefully keeping his teeth behind his lips and his tongue teasing the cock inside his mouth.

It felt strange, and yet natural. They were both inexperienced, but it wasn’t hard for Fili to imagine what kind of touches would make his brother feel good – and he had fantasized about this moment often enough to know what he wanted to do. Kili tasted better than he had expected. He savoured the taste of his precious little brother, the little brother who was all his, and the idea was nothing but arousing.

Fili altered the speed and intensity of his sucks and licks, and the noises that came from Kili’s mouth were unreal. Kili’s hands were gripping his hair and he felt himself growing even harder. “Ohhhh, Fee…” With some struggle, it seemed, Kili was pulling Fili’s head up from his shaft and towards his upper body. “Kiss me… kiss me, Fee.”

Fili was happy to comply. He crawled on top of Kili again, grinding his still-clothed groin against the younger brother’s, and locked their lips in a hot, blissful, brain-melting kiss. He knew that Kili could taste himself on his mouth and the thought made him shiver slightly with arousal. Kili broke the kiss to take a sharp breath in and whispered: “You’re wearing too much clothes.”

As Fili struggled to rid himself of his pants, it suddenly occurred to him that Kili seemed to be calling all the shots here, ordering him around. It didn’t bother him in the least. In fact, it suited perfectly well with what he had in mind.

Once he was just as naked as his brother, Fili laid down next to Kili, so that they were both lying on their sides, facing each other. They were once again lost in a passionate kiss, tongues sliding deliciously against each other, and Kili ran his hand down Fili’s side and then to his crotch. Fili moaned into his mouth. Kili closed his fist around his brother’s shaft and pumped it, slowly at first but then gaining speed, and Fili hooked one of his legs over Kili’s hip and grabbed his shoulders tightly. He felt Kili smiling.

The hand moved from his cock further down to fondle his balls and he broke the kiss to throw his head back and let out a small whimper. Kili took the opportunity to attack his throat with wet kisses and gentle bites.

Fili decided to make his move. Stretching his hand somewhere under his pillows, he pulled out the oil jar and then (with an enormous amount of determination) grabbed the wrist of the hand that was busy stroking his nether regions and brought it up. Kili looked at him, confused, but his expression soon turned lustful when Fili first licked and sucked his fingers and then started to pour oil over them.

Kili hadn’t yet quite figured out Fili’s plan, but he caught on quickly when his brother pulled himself even closer, their erections rubbing together in the most wonderful way, and guided Kili’s fingers to his backside. “Are you sure?” Kili whispered breathlessly. Fili nodded, a firm look in his eyes, and let go of Kili’s wrist.

Kili knew instinctively that the right course of action here was to progress slowly, so he suppressed his natural fiery urge to _take everything now!_ and began by squeezing his brother’s ass cheeks in a slow caress. When Fili moaned approvingly, he slid his oily fingers along the cleft until he found the small opening. He teased it with small circling rubs and was very happy with the sounds that Fili was making, his face pressed against Kili’s neck.

When Fili started to grind his hips against his brother’s, Kili assumed it was the right time to slide his index finger inside. He did it gently, constantly focusing on whether there was any sign of pain from the golden-haired Dwarf.

Fili gasped at the strange feeling; it didn’t feel bad, just _full_ in a completely new way. He realized that he had stiffened up a bit, and took a deep breath in order to relax the muscles around Kili’s finger. Once he succeeded, Kili started to move his digit back and forth, and Fili lost himself in the feeling. It went from intruding to tingly and then pleasurable.

Soon he was rocking himself back against Kili’s finger in time with the thrusts. “More,” he whispered, bending his head forward so that his lips grazed Kili’s ear. The younger brother was eager to comply and carefully slid in another finger, loving how Fili’s hole was stretching for his exploring.

Fili was keening now, his eyes fluttering open and closed with each thrust, and Kili was watching him with an exceedingly lusty look on his own face. He scissored his fingers, pushed them even deeper, and suddenly Fili grabbed his shoulders so hard it almost hurt and the blue eyes went wide. “Do that again, that spot, please, please Kee,” he gasped, out of breath.

Wild with arousal, Kili searched with his fingers until they brushed again over the hidden place that made Fili roar with exstacy. Kili felt it safe to add a third finger, and continued his sweet torture for a while, ghosting over that pleasurable spot every once in a while but making sure not to stimulate his brother too much just yet.

This was better than anything Fili had ever dreamed of, better than anything he could have imagined. The initial strange feeling had worn off and now he just felt the burning pleasure with each movement of Kili’s fingers. He was quickly losing himself when suddenly their erections brushed together and he was reminded of the next step there was to take.

“Wait, stop,” he said hastily and touched Kili’s wrist again. Kili was more on par with the situation this time (perhaps because of the throbbing need in his cock) and pulled his fingers out. Fili whined and urgently pushed Kili down on his back. Then he straddled his little brother and poured some oil over his member. Kili moaned and scratched the sheets while Fili worked the oil all over his hard shaft. When Fili felt everything was ready, he positioned himself and very slowly started to press down on Kili’s cock.

Eyes wide and mouth gaping open, Kili could do nothing but stare at his brother and listen to the rush of blood in his ears as Fili’s incredibly tight warmth enveloped him. Fili’s eyes, on the other hand, were screwed shut, and he let out little gasps as he sank himself lower and lower. This was much more than the fingers had been, and there was some pain, but the very thought of him and Kili bonding this way, of Kili being inside him, doubled his pleasure.

Once he was all the way down and could feel Kili’s coarse pubic hair touching his ass, he stayed very still for a moment and took some shivering breaths to get used to it. Warm hands slid to his thighs and he opened his eyes. Kili was panting and his eyes were heavy-lidded with lust, but he focused on Fili’s face and asked: “Are you in pain? Your legs are trembling…”

“Yours too,” Fili answered with a soft smile, and they laughed a little. They were both indeed trembling slightly, but it was the result of excitement and arousal and nerves rather than pain, and they ignored it in favor of locking their lips together again. Fili had to lean forward to do that, and the change of angle was so enjoyable to Kili that he let out small squeals of delight between kisses and squirmed desperately in an attempt to keep himself from thrusting up.

The older brother decided to take pity on Kili (and himself) and pushed himself just a little bit upwards before lowering down again, steadying himself with his hands on Kili’s abdomen. Then a little more… and a little more…

And fairly soon, they were moving on a steady rhythm, hands planted firmly on each other, moaning and panting and gasping in a haze of pleasure. Fili watched as his little brother arched his back wantonly under him. It was like one of his guilty fantasies come to life, and damn if it wasn’t beautiful.

It didn’t take them long to come close to the climax. As the all-consuming heat was starting to build somewhere in his lower abdomen, Fili knew that this was all he needed, all he wanted in life; just Kili, and no one else. Then Kili closed his hand around Fili’s throbbing cock and that thought was banished from his head, along with all others.

A few more thrusts, a few more strokes, and he came so hard that he dug his fingernails into Kili’s skin, his muscles clamped around his brother’s member, and then Kili was coming too, with a broken wail that might have been Fili’s name.

When the bliss slowly diminished, Fili felt absolutely drained. He hung his head and took deep breaths, and only after a few moments realized that he was seeing some droplets of blood mixed with the semen on Kili’s belly. He had broken the soft skin with his nails in the peak of his passion. “Shit,” he gasped, “I made you bleed… I’m so sorry, Kee, does it hurt?”

Kili just smirked. “After all that, I doubt I’m even capable of feeling any pain anymore. That was… You were… unbelievable.” Fili smiled and lifted himself up so that Kili’s softened cock slid out of him. At the loss of contact, Fili suddenly felt his legs giving out and would have crashed down if Kili hadn’t caught him and lowered him down gently next to himself.

They laid there, foreheads pressed together, fingers entwined, breaths mixing. Fili had never been so happy in his life. He almost wanted to cry, because this was a true miracle, this perfect person in his arms. “I love you,” he said, looking deep into the beautiful brown eyes.

“I love you too, Fee,” Kili answered tenderly.

Fili waited for a few heartbeats before continuing: “And I think you are my One.”

At that, Kili gave that brilliant smile again. “And I _know_ you are mine.” Their lips met in a sweet kiss that was full of hopes and promises.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now, this is the first time I've written Hobbit smut, but rest assured that I've been writing porn ever since I was a morally compromised 17-year-old, and probably reading it even longer. It never gets old.


	12. Brothers by Love - 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You like the porn? HAVE SOME MORE. :D

Once they had crossed the line to sex in their relationship, they were eager to explore it more during the following weeks. Which meant that they were on each other like rabbits at every possible chance.

Their days became a delightful haze of stolen kisses in empty hallways, naughty gropes whenever their teachers’ backs were turned, and meals missed in favour of finding some secluded place where they could hastily pleasure each other with hands or mouths. And yet, when they retired to their private quarters each night, they found themselves still more than willing to continue their explorations in more length.

Although Fili had wanted to be the receiving end of their lovemaking on the first time, after that they frequently took turns, usually just going by their current mood. Kili, it turned out, enjoyed being filled by his brother just as much as Fili had – although he tended to get so loud in his cries of pleasure when getting pounded that Fili sometimes worried the voices might even carry outside their quarters. Or rather, he would have worried about it if he hadn’t been so lost in the absolute bliss that was burying himself in Kili’s ass.

What with their less than hushed volumes and daring escapades in public places, it was truly lucky that they hadn’t been caught yet. But they hardly cared, they were too immensed in their deliciously heart-warming secret and each other. They felt certain that they could take on anything, as long as they faced it together.

One day, as the summer was drawing to a close, the brothers were spending their free afternoon in Fili’s bed, limbs tangled together and talking about everything and nothing, the way they always had. Kili was absent-mindedly re-doing Fili’s moustache braids, when he suddenly thought to ask: “Why did you want to ride me on that first time when we made love? Not that I’m complaining, I just would have thought that you would appeal to your older brother authority or something to get to fuck me first.”

Fili blushed slightly at Kili’s straightforward words (as Kili had known he would – he found it an adorable sight) and closed his eyes while he took some time to think about the answer.

“I suppose… I suppose that I wanted to show how serious I am about my love for you, that I would be willing to submit to you if that’s what you desired. I wanted to give the power to you.”

Kili answered with a soft kiss to show that he understood what Fili meant and also knew what he was not saying: as the heir to the throne, Fili would always be held in higher regard by their people than his brother. And as the heir, he had to accept it in public – but ever since they were small, he had felt it was an injustice.

The need to hold Kili as his equal came from somewhere very deep within him, from a place he didn’t even fully understand. Submitting to his little brother in bed was a way of saying that even though Fili would someday hold the reigns of the kingdom, Kili would always hold the reigns of his heart, and in that sense, they would both be kings.

But here, in their little world of warmth and closeness, titles and kingdoms hardly mattered. And in an attempt to lose themselves in that world, they kissed more passionately and let their hands wander on each other’s skin. Kili broke the kiss to strip himself of his shirt and said with a cheeky grin: “You can have the power for today, Fee.” Fili didn’t need any more persuasion.

They removed the rest of their clothes in a flurry of limbs and kisses and excited squeals, and Fili climbed on top of his brother, relishing in the feeling of their naked bodies fitting together. He knew that he would never get bored of it, of Kili’s energetic warmth under him and touching his skin everywhere.

Growing impatient, Fili moved lower and trailed hot kisses all over Kili’s skin as he went. He reached the younger prince’s hard member and gave it a few long licks and teasing sucks. It drew some lovely sounds from Kili, but Fili had come up with a devious idea. He grabbed the undersides of Kili’s knees and pushed his legs up as high as they would bend. Kili made a questioning sound that turned into a pleasured gasp as Fili’s tongue slid over his entrance. This was certainly new. He fully approved of it.

Fili realized that this was quite a scandalous act. He had heard of it during some night in a tavern, surrounded by some of his less than sophisticated acquaintances and an outstanding amount of ale. It was spoken of in fits of drunken laughter, but with the underlying implication that it feels good. Extremely good. And naturally, if something was really that good, he wanted to try it on his dear little brother.

So he explored Kili’s most sensitive areas with his tongue, sometimes flattening it, sometimes teasing with just the tip of it. The excited moans mixed with Kili’s panting quickly assured him that he had been right to try this. Soon Kili’s entrance was wet with saliva and swollen with need, and Fili gently pushed his tongue inside. Kili threw his head back and squirmed, grabbing Fili’s hair with both hands to keep him in place. “Oh yes, Fee, more!”

Fili complied, sliding his tongue deeper and deeper, enjoying this even more than he would’ve thought. He fucked Kili with his tongue and watched as some glistening drops of pre-come trickled down his brother’s shaft. Kili was whimpering by now, and each sound seemed to harden the arousal between Fili’s legs even more.

“Oh Fee, just… just fuck me, now! Please!” Kili sobbed, sweating and panting with need. Fili didn’t waste any time. He repositioned himself, hastily oiled up his cock and pushed himself into Kili’s tight, wet warmth. Once he was fully inside, he paused to take some deep breaths.

Kili, meanwhile, was arching his back and his eyelids fluttered deliriously with pleasure. His neck was splayed out invitingly and Fili leaned forward to kiss and lick it. “Move!” Kili whined. Fili couldn’t help smirking; his little brother, always telling everyone what to do. Then he started to move.

The sheer ecstasy of thrusting himself into his brother’s body again and again never ceased to overwhelm Fili. It felt so right, like their bodies were made for each other just as much as their hearts were. The hot pressure around his cock made all of his blood burn like fire and spurred him into a more intense pace.

And the sounds – oh gods, the sounds that Kili was making. The moans and whines had turned into feral yelps and lust-filled shrieks of “So good, you feel so good, Brother, take me harder, please!” and it drove Fili nearly insane with desire for his little brother. Kili was absolutely insatiable and loved to shout out his passion.

Fili felt his climax approaching and leaned again to capture Kili’s lips in a searing kiss, muffling his cries. The change of angle made Kili tremble and after a few more thrusts, he broke the kiss and screamed out his orgasm in a long, high-pitched wail. The sound and the clenching of Kili’s muscles around him drove Fili over the edge too, and he buried his face in Kili’s hair as he came hard, gasping for air.

They laid there for a long while, bodies still joined, their breaths slowly evening out. Finally, Kili broke the blissed-out silence. “I’m hungry, Fili. You want to get something to eat?”

Fili snorted at Kili’s idea of romantic aftertalk, but admitted that some food would be nice. He pulled his softened member out (Kili grunted disapprovingly) and pulled his previously discarded pants back on. Kili followed his lead swiftly, and they exited the bedroom door and walked to the kitchen. Once there, Fili stopped in his tracks. Something was not right. He looked around and his eyes fell on an object of the kitchen table, an object that had not been there that morning.

It was a comb, made of deepest black obsidian stone and decorated with blood-red rubies. An exceptionally beautiful item, even by Dwarven standards, and yet the sight of it made Fili suddenly nauseated. Kili saw it in his face. “Fee? What’s wrong?”

Fili gulped. “This comb…” Kili only now paid attention to it, and picked it up to admire it closer. “It belongs to Mother,” Fili continued. “I was visiting her the other day when she found it from some old box, all covered in dust. It looked so beautiful, I wanted to comb your hair with it… So I asked Mother if I could borrow it, and she said she wanted to clean it up properly first, and that she would stop by to bring it once it was ready… I completely forgot.”

Kili had caught on and his face was suddenly turning white. “She came in here while we were in bed.” He squeezed the comb very tightly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoops.


	13. Brothers by Love - 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 13th chapter... Ominous, isn't it? By the way, drama seems to fit my mindset very well - this chapter and the next one practically wrote themselves.

The next half an hour was pure agony. The brothers sat at the table, holding hands, discussing the situation in varying levels of panic. If Dis had been in their kitchen while they were making love, she had without a shadow of a doubt heard them – Kili’s cries of passion, although Fili loved them, were loud and left very little room for misinterpretation. Which meant that they were in a lot of trouble.

After a while, they decided it best to just go to their mother and confront her, hoping for understanding or at least some mercy. It was not in their nature to hide and wait, they would rather face their fate with their heads held high.

So they dressed hastily and made sure they looked presentable enough. Right before they were about to walk out of the door, Fili said: “Kee, wait.” Kili looked at him questioningly. Fili pulled him in for a long, tender, desperate kiss.

After that, they held each other for an unknowable amount of time, foreheads pushed together, breathing in perfect harmony, looking deep into each other’s eyes; speaking volumes without a single word uttered aloud. They didn’t break the silence as they finally broke apart and stepped out of the door.

All too soon, they arrived to the door of their childhood home. Heartbeats thundering in his ears, Fili knocked on the door and they stepped in. One glance into the kitchen told them that the situation was, if possible, even worse than they had thought. Dis was sitting at the head of the table, eyes downlaid and reddened with recently shed tears.

And a few feet away from her stood Thorin Oakenshield. He looked up at the brothers and Kili took a hasty step back when he saw the rage in their uncle’s eyes. Fili took his hand then – he couldn’t help himself, and at this point it could hardly put them in any more trouble than they already were.

“We will talk. Now,” Thorin said very quietly. “Kili, you stay here with your mother. Fili, come with me.”

Kili stiffened and squeezed his brother’s hand tighter. “No.”

Thorin’s eyes narrowed dangerously and Fili hurried to say: “It’s okay, Kili, please just stay here.” Kili looked like he was about to protest vigorously, but Thorin had already stormed past them and Fili had no choice but to throw one last appealing look at his brother and follow. Thorin lead him to one of the bedrooms… The one that had been his and Kili’s. He felt chills down his spine and wondered how they were ever going to survive this.

“Sit,” Thorin growled, and Fili sat down on his old bed. He squeezed the bedspread without really realizing it. Thorin remained standing, and for a while he just seemed to gather himself, rubbing his forehead.

“You are young. And reckless, and foolish in many ways,” he finally spoke, with the tired tone of a man who has been punished with all the misfortunes that the world has to offer. “And I know you cannot possibly comprehend what exactly it is you’re gambling with. But this thing going on between you and your brother – it has to stop. Now. There are no other options.” He finally looked up, and his eyes were full of pain.

“Believe me when I say that it is only for your own good. If this was to continue, you would not only doom the royal line of Durin, you would also bring unimaginable heartbreak and suffering to yourself and him. You have to do the responsible thing. You are the heir to the throne.”

“I _am_ the heir,” Fili responded. “But I am also a Dwarf of my own, and a person who wants to have real love in his life.” His face was pale, but determined. “This is not some mindless sex affair to fulfill our needs. Kili is my One, and I am his.” Thorin’s eyes widened.

“We did not plan it that way, it’s just how it is. There is zero doubt about it. We are aware of the consequences to this, we have discussed it plenty… But we simply cannot live without each other. If you try to separate us, I will give up the throne and we will leave.” He had never seen Thorin look so appalled. “I’m sorry if you are disappointed, Uncle, but I do not regret anything about my relationship with Kili. He is worth more to me than anything else. I do not expect you to understand.”

“I understand more than you think,” Thorin snapped, and Fili raised his eyebrows. “But you have definitely lost your senses, Fili. He is your brother, of your own blood and flesh! Such a thing is against everything that our race stands for – pride, dignity and loyalty for our kind!”

“We are also known for greed, corruption and stubborness,” Fili retorted, knowing he was on thin ice now, “but none of that matters, because this matter is between myself and Kili only. I realize the problem with the continuation of the bloodline, but we won’t have to face it for decades yet. We will find a solution by then.”

Thorin was absolutely fuming. “A solution, you say? Like a loveless phony marriage with some Dwarven maid, perhaps? Do you think about anyone but yourself? Do you realize how painful that would be for all involved? And the effects that such a lie would have on the kingdom…”

Fili was getting very angry now as well; he was distantly reminded of the time before Father’s death, when he had refused to be Thorin’s heir. “That’s a sacrifice I’m willing to make, if it means that I’m free to love him!”

“You speak of sacrifice! As if you had any idea what that means!” Thorin spat. “As if you could possibly understand! And love – you think it’s love that you’re feeling? You’re just blinded by lust! Taking advantage of your own brother!”

Fili slapped him.

Thorin looked startled and Fili knew immediately that he had crossed the line by far. But this was something he would not hear, not even from the King. “I am _not_ taking advantage of him. This is what we _both_ want equally.”

A slightly twisted smile appeared on Thorin’s lips as he rubbed his reddening cheek, eyes downlaid. “You are so much like him,” he whispered, and Fili wasn’t sure if he was talking about Kili anymore. But then the King lifted his gaze and it was colder than mid-winter ice. He looked like a stranger to Fili.

“So. You’re equals, is that it? And if I take this matter to the Council of Elders, would you prefer to be punished equally?” Fili flinched. “Or will one of you take the responsibility? Will one of you admit that he is to blame?” Thorin’s eyes were glazed with barely contained desperation now, they almost looked appealing, like he was trying to make Fili say something.

“Was one of you the instigator? The one who… seduced the other? The one who confessed his feelings?” Thorin was grabbing the front of his shirt now, and the desperation was growing in his eyes. _He wants me to take the blame_ , Fili suddenly realized. _Why? I’m his heir and Kili… and Kili…_

“Which one of you was it?” Thorin almost whispered now, demandingly. “ _Which one, Fili?_ ”

Then it all clicked together in Fili’s head, like he had been hit with a hammer, and the shock was so great that he gasped for breath.

Memories flashed in front of his eyes. Mother asking: “ _Which one, Thorin?_ ” when he was little and spied from the kitchen door in the middle of the night. Thorin talking about Father: “ _We had our differences…_ ” and telling him to never ask about it again. Little Kili staring at Thorin, like he was the most curious thing the world had to offer. Kili and Thorin asking Dis in unison if they would have cake for dessert. The way Mother had been so cold and stern with Thorin when they were small. Mother crying on the day Kili was born. And that expression… the one Thorin sometimes had when he was looking at Kili.

By gods, he had been a blind fool not to realize it before.

Fili’s heart was pounding and he felt sick when he finally looked up at Thorin, who was very obviously puzzled about his nephew’s sudden overwhelmed reaction, but still angry. “What? What is it, boy?” Fili just stared at him for a moment, trying to decide whether he should speak or not, but it was a lost cause; the words came almost forced out of his mouth.

“You’re his father.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BOOM.  
> Someone called it a couple of chapters back (good for you!) but I hope I didn't make it too obvious along the way...  
> Should I be sorry about this? I'm not. Like I said, drama suits me, and I'm not the first one to go there either. So, uhm, please don't stop reading? I love you guys. Have some cookies.


	14. Brothers by Love - 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know how sometimes, an idea simply gets stuck in your head and it keeps nagging at you and keeps you awake at night until you let it out? That's pretty much how this story came to be. (At some point, I'll tell you where the idea came to me but not now because it's ridiculous beyond measure.) So it's not a particular headcanon of mine that Thorin is Kili's father, or anything like that, it's really more of an AU thing. It's just an idea that wouldn't leave me alone until I wrote it. And oh boy, did I love writing it!

“You’re his father.”

All the fight was wiped away from Thorin at those words and slowly, he slumped down on Kili’s bed, blank eyes on Fili. A very restless silence followed, during which Fili felt slightly dizzy. Then he braced himself to speak again; Thorin’s reaction had really said it all, but he needed to be absolutely certain.

“It’s true, isn’t it? You’re Kili’s father. Aren’t you?” he asked with a voice that was much lower than his usual tone; he was suddenly very aware that Kili and Mother were so near them, just two rooms away. But Thorin didn’t even seem to hear. He was lost in his thoughts.

“Answer me!” Fili hissed, and Thorin’s gaze focused on him again.

“Yes,” he whispered after a moment, so quietly that Fili was scarcely sure he heard it. But it was enough to make his head spin again.

“How? How is that – did you – Mother – and, and Father – how could you – _how could you?_ ” He held Thorin’s eyes, but his own were starting to moisten with anger, confusion and frustration. How could any of this be true? “So you actually mean that you had… with – with Mother? With your own _sister_?”

At that, Thorin’s eyes very momentarily flashed dangerously again. “You’re one to talk.”

Fili felt a sudden, hysterical urge to laugh, but suppressed it right away. “It’s different. My brother and I aren’t taking a risk of producing mentally or physically impaired offspring each time we fuck!” He couldn’t censor his words anymore, too many different, shocking thoughts were running through his head at the same time; Kili wasn’t impaired, he supposed it was just dumb luck. This explained his looks too, Dis and Thorin both had unusually delicate features for dwarves, and so did Fili, but Kili’s beauty was on a whole other level.

And Kili wasn’t his brother. Not fully, anyway. He remembered the words he had once whispered in the darkness to the little Dwarfling in his arms: _“I will always,_ always _, no matter what, be your brother, Kee.”_ His heart felt like it was breaking into pieces.

Thorin was talking again, and Fili struggled to focus on him. “…what it sounds like, but wasn’t like that. It was – it was just one time, and we were both very confused and lost back then. It never should have happened.” His eyes glistened slightly, and if Fili had been able to take in any more shock, this would have been the place.

“But that is not the issue here. If anything, it should just convince you to listen to me, because I know what I am talking about,” Thorin continued, regaining the authority in his voice. But Fili was currently immune to it.

“Don’t try to change the subject. How dare you condemn the love between me and Kili after what _you_ have done? And your threat about ratting us out to the Council of Elders… Well, I’m pretty sure they would be more interested in your crimes, so it would be better for you to leave us alone.”

Thorin looked like Fili had slapped him again. “Please, Fili. You have to believe me. You have to end it. Your mother and I fell into a dangerous trap because we were weak, and it has cost us so much. Nothing good can come of such a thing.”

Fili thought about Kili’s radiant smile. “Something good came out of it,” he said.

Thorin was speechless, and Fili had had enough of this conversation. He stood up to leave and walked to the door.

“Don’t tell him,” Thorin breathed from behind him. Fili turned to look at his uncle; a tear fell from Thorin’s eye.

Fili said nothing and stepped out of the door. He found Kili in the hallway close to the front door, crying. “Fee,” Kili sobbed when the blond prince approached him, “Mother said that we can’t be together… That we have to stop… Oh Fee, I don’t want to!”

Fili had never seen him so upset, his brown eyes so full of misery. The shock in his mind about his new discovery gave way to the all-consuming urge to make Kili feel better and keep him safe. He pulled his little brother ( _half-brother_ , a nasty voice in his head said, but he shushed it away) into his arms and tried his best to comfort the weeping Dwarf.

“Don’t worry, Kee. They can’t separate us, ever. I love you so very much. Please don’t cry.” He didn’t fully realize that tears were running down his own face as well.

Soon enough, Kili calmed down a bit, and looked up at him. “Mother said that you should go talk to her now and I – and I have to talk with Uncle Thorin,” Kili said, and Fili noticed a hint of something in his eyes that had never before been there when Kili spoke of Thorin.

It was fear, and Fili knew immediately that it was his job to wipe it away. “No. That can wait,” he said determinedly. “You don’t have to see him now. Let’s go home.” He took Kili’s hand and they slipped away through the front door, desperately longing to lie down on their bed at home and hold each other until all the fear was gone.

 *

Some hours later, Fili was holding his sleeping little brother in his arms in the familiar darkness of his bedroom. It had taken Kili a while (and lots of reassuring whispers and kisses from Fili) to settle down enough to fall asleep. He had been scared that Mother and Thorin would come after them once they realized that the brothers had gone, but Fili had reassured him that they wouldn’t. He had not given Kili any particular reason to that, but now that the younger Dwarf was asleep, he had time to think about it.

So Thorin was Kili’s father. This revelation shed light on a great many things, including some that he had never even realized were clouded. He also finally knew what had caused the cold relationship between Thorin and Father. But even though Father must have known, he had stayed with Dis and raised Kili as his own, never treating him differently from Fili.

For the first time in decades, Fili’s eyes filled with tears at the thought of Father. He understood better now why Thorin had felt so uncharacteristically guilty about his death. Why the King had never deemed himself worthy to take a wife.

And as Thorin’s son, Kili was the true heir to the throne. That was a simple fact. And yet, like Thorin himself had said so many years ago, it had to be Fili. Kili’s true parentage could never be revealed. It was bad enough that Fili knew now; among all the other things he was feeling, his stomach was squirming with guilt when he thought that the position that had been given to him was actually Kili’s birthright. And the question that tormented him more than even that, kept his mind far away from sleep: Should he tell Kili?

His first instinct screeched that he should without a doubt share everything with his brother, his lover, his One; especially something so crucial. But then again, would it be for Kili’s best to know? Maybe it would just make him miserable. Maybe he could never forgive Mother and Thorin (Fili wasn’t sure yet if he could do it himself) and get estranged from them. Maybe his feelings for Fili would change.

That thought made him shudder. He knew it wasn’t likely – he certainly felt as strongly for Kili as he had before, even though it hurt his heart to know that their blood relation was not as complete as he had thought – but it was still a possibility, and it frightened him.

His thoughts were looping around in circles and there was no way out by himself. There was only one person who might be able to help him right now. He knew she would be waiting, not sleeping, even though it was late. So he very slowly and carefully untangled himself from Kili’s sleeping grip, got up from the bed and made sure his love was warmly tucked under the covers so he wouldn’t wake up. Then he put on some pants and a light shirt and walked out of their home.

 *

Dis was awake, sitting in the kitchen, as Fili had known she would be. Thankfully, Thorin was not there – he couldn’t have dealt with his uncle right now. Dis managed a weak smile when her oldest son walked in and sat down opposite her. “Thorin wanted to come and talk to you right away, but I convinced him to wait until you were ready.”

“I figured,” Fili answered. He didn’t thank her. He thought she looked a hundred years older than on the day before. After a moment of silence, Fili decided to help her get started. “You heard us and you told him. And he told you that I realized the truth about Kili. And he’s Kili’s father. Would you perhaps like to explain all of this to me?”

Dis stared at the table for a moment, then took a deep, shivering breath and started to talk. “After our grandfather had died and our father gone missing, Thorin, Frerin and I went through some very dark times. We felt alone and unsafe. Our people were scattered and pushed down. Thorin was feeling the weight of his responsibility and it was extremely hard on him.

“Eventually, I met your father and we got married, and that helped me through the worst. I felt like I could smile again. Then we had you and I… I couldn’t have wished for a greater gift in life.

“Frerin had also found a lovely Dwarf maid whom he wished to marry. But there was another who sought her hand, and he challenged Frerin. Even though the girl made it clear that she chose Frerin, my foolish brother still decided to duel for her, to prove his honour.”

Dis gave a crooked, joyless smile. “Frerin lost. We still don’t know how it happened, since he had never before been defeated, but we think the other suitor tricked him somehow. Nevertheless, Frerin was dead – a sword stabbed right through his stomach – the other suitor disappeared, and our family was once again struck with a grief unlike any other.”

She sighed. It seemed to Fili that she was having a hard time continuing now, but did it anyway. “Your father wasn’t here when Frerin died, he was away working, far to the south. You were still very small, too small to understand what had happened. I was devastated, brought down with my sorrow, and had a hard time taking care of both you and myself.

“I managed it somehow but most of the time I just felt like walking through a mist… Crying and hurting and having nightmares.” Fili felt a shiver down his spine; this sounded a lot like what he had gone through when Father died, and a sudden wave of sympathy for Dis went through him when he thought that she had had a similar experience at least twice in her life.

“Then one night, Thorin came to see us. He helped me put you to bed, told you a bedtime story, and then we sat down to talk. Like I said, I was very depressed, but I found that Thorin was in a much worse state. You have to remember that while I had found new hope with your father and you, Thorin had still not given up on the grief over our father and grandfather when our brother died. It was almost too much for him.” Dis rubbed her temples with her fingertips.

“We had been so close when we were young. We had since lost that connection somewhat, but that night we needed each other to feel safe. I felt – I felt so lost and alone, I missed your father so much, and Thorin was all but broken inside. We spoke of Frerin, we cried together, we held each other, and then…” Fili saw a tear fall on the table.

“I’m not even sure what happened. One moment, we were hugging each other, I remember wishing that I could just somehow take away that empty feeling I had inside, and next I realized his lips were on mine, his hands in my hair, he was crying and I was crying and I couldn’t take it – so I just let myself go.”

She looked at Fili now, a silent plea in her tear-filled eyes. “It was only that one time. One night. There was nothing else we could do that night to comfort ourselves, so we let ourselves fall, not even capable of thinking about the consequences.

“But of course you can guess what happened next. We were so ashamed in the morning that we couldn’t even look at each other. He left, I turned to my normal routines and felt the sorrow somewhat easier to bear, even if it was replaced with guilt and shame. Thorin and I kept a mutual distance between us for a while. It took your father another week before he finally made it home, but by then I had already started to suspect that I was with child.

“I was _horrified_. There are no words for the terror that was screaming inside my head. Having the child of my own brother – it was so wrong and twisted, I wasn’t sure if I could live with myself if I did that. But what could I do?” She hesitated, but then placed her hand over Fili’s. The gesture was half soothing, half pleading, as if she was trying to keep him from running away when she continued.

“I… I haven’t told about this to anyone, not your Father, not Thorin… But when I was in my most desperate, I found out about a method that Men use to... to… to take an unwanted baby from it’s mother’s womb before it’s ever born.”

Fili felt dizzy and sick, and Dis squeezed his hand harder. “They do it by drinking a special herbal tea. And of course it has never been brought among our people, because we are so much fewer in number than Men and every child is so precious… But I managed to get some herbs. I made tea from them.” If Fili had seen his face in the mirror at this point, he would have noted that it was almost as white as mid-winter snow.

“But at the last moment, I broke down. I couldn’t do it. Not because of Dwarven values. Not because I was afraid of the pain. But simply because I felt his presence inside me, and I felt like I knew him, like I had known you before you were born.

“I threw away the cup and just cried for a long time. But when I gathered myself, I felt calm and knew what I had to do. Because no matter who the father was and what he would turn out like, the child would have a mother who loved him. And a brother.” Fili was now crying as well.

“I went to see Thorin first and told him. He raged on for a while, as you can imagine, but I made it very clear that the child was mine and would be raised by me, with or without your father, and Thorin would only ever play the role of his uncle. He didn’t like it, but what choice did he have?”

“And Father?” Fili asked, his voice hoarse from the strangling feeling in his throat.

Dis sighed. “Telling him was the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life. I was so scared. And your father was devastated. But he was such a good, gentle man. He never lashed out at me. He forgave me, even if he couldn’t forget. He did punch Thorin, though, when he next saw him.” Dis’ lips twitched a little, as the memory almost brought a devious smile to her face.

“Thorin left for one of his journeys soon after that, and didn’t return until Kili was a few years old.”Fili remembered that, and realized with a little jolt that he had been present on the occasion when Thorin first met his son. He remembered that little odd smile on the King’s face when Kili would not bow at him.

“Your father and Thorin were always cold with each other afterwards. But when Kili was born, your father soon learned to love him all the same. And how could he not? Kili was such a lovely child. Lively, happy and so very beautiful.” Fili had to smile at that.

“I had been so afraid that he would turn out to be damaged somehow, because of his parentage, and I pleaded for every god there was that he would be fine. My prayers were heard, I guess. Well, he can be rather thick-headed occasionally, but otherwise he’s perfect.”

“You don’t have to tell me that,” Fili said quietly, and Dis’ expression hardened.

“Yes. And that brings us to you and your relationship with him.” Fili slid his hand away from under Dis’ and sat back in his chair, bracing himself.

“I don’t know how that happened, or why. But now that I have told you all this, I trust that you realize I know what I’m talking about when I say that you must stop it. I know, better than anyone, how much pain such a relationship can cause, and I do not want either of you to go through that.”

Fili cleared his throat before answering. “Yes, Thorin said the exact same thing. But Mother, you need to understand that what is between me and Kili is very different from what happened to you and Thorin.

“Kili and I are in love. We fell in love with each other gradually, and it was very hard for us both to come to terms with it at first. But when we are together, it just feels right. We are each other’s One, and there’s nothing else to it. You don’t want us to be in pain? Being separated would be the worst kind of pain for us.” Dis looked unsure at that, her life experience telling her one thing and her love and trust for her sons another. “Didn’t you feel the same way for Father?” Fili asked gently. Dis nodded.

“We didn’t choose to fall in love with each other. But we did, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I know it will be difficult and I know – by gods, I _know_ how much is at risk here. Kili and I both know. But Mother, we want this anyway. More than anything. You just have to trust us. Can you do that?”

Dis was blinking fresh tears from her eyes and nodded again. “Can _you_ forgive me, darling, for all my mistakes?”

Fili smiled. “If you hadn’t made those mistakes, we wouldn’t have Kili.” Dis chuckled through her tears and Fili got up to hug her tightly.

“I will talk to Thorin,” Dis said when they pulled apart. “He will not be alright with it, not for a long time, maybe never – but I can convince him to leave you two alone about it for now.”

“Thank you,” Fili said fondly. “Do you… do you think we should tell Kili about Thorin?”

Dis shook her head instantly. “No. It would serve no purpose, it would just hurt him. The fewer people know the secret – both secrets – the better. You, myself and Thorin are the only ones who know the truth about Kili, and that’s how it should remain.”

Fili felt the sting in his heart again. “I hate to lie to him.”

“I know. Me too. But it really is what’s best for him. I know you understand that.” Dis smiled sadly. “I would be lying if I said that this is what I wanted for you two, or that I wasn’t very worried about you. But I have always known that you will take care of each other no matter what, and I still believe in that.”

Fili nodded, feeling the weight of her fear and trust on his shoulders. After a last squeeze of his mother’s hand, Fili took his leave – not really certain if his mind was more clear or more confused than when he had arrived.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't even think of anything snarky to add to this...


	15. Brothers by Love - 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm completely awestruck by all the love (and slight horrification) thrown at this story by you guys. It means a world to me, it really does. Thank you.

In the next few days, after Dis visited her sons to give her tentative but genuine consent to their relationship, and Thorin _didn’t_ visit to rage at them, Kili’s fears seemed to diminish greatly. It was very much like his little brother after all, Fili mused, to never give sadness and uncertainty too much of a foothold.

Kili was soon almost his normal happy self again, although he tended to crave even more physical contact than usual, fidgeting with Fili’s hair and burying his face in Fili’s neck each night, like he was afraid that someone would try to take him away.

Meanwhile, Fili knew that their problems were far from over, but decided to just take things as they came. Mother’s approval, even if cautious, was a big victory for them. Maybe Thorin would come to accept them as well. For now, Fili was happy that Thorin was giving them a bit of distance, although they did see him during some formal dinners and meetings and such (he glared at them sourly and only spoke to them when his role as King so required).

This gave Fili a good opportunity to mull over the startling truth he had learned about his brother and Thorin. His initial shock about it was starting to subside, and he was beginning to take note of all the little similarities about the pair of them that he hadn’t before.

Obviously, Kili had Thorin’s hair. The deepness of his voice, the quick hands, the height (Kili had upstaged Fili in that department long ago – not that he particularly minded). The fiery temper and the thrice-cursed stubborness, but also the bravery and loalty. They even walked alike. Now that he knew, it really felt like the truth had been staring at him right in the face and he had just been too blind to see. But it was relieving to know that no one else had noticed it either.

His guilt at keeping the secret from Kili made him sleep badly for a few more nights, but Kili’s body against his soothed his mind like nothing else. Eventually, he convinced himself that Kili would forgive him for keeping the truth hidden, since it was the best for him. Kili didn’t need to suffer because of something that wasn’t even his fault.

It took two whole weeks before Thorin (with a fair amount of pride-swallowing and chastising from Dis, Fili believed) summoned Fili to his quarters. Heart pounding, he arrived there to find Thorin glaring and gritting his teeth, much like he had been doing each time they had seen each other since the spilling of their respective secrets.

Fili had wondered how much of Thorin’s anger actually had to do with his nephews’ sinful bed activities and how much of it was simply his hurt pride over the fact that Fili had seen him lose his composure when realizing his secret. For a moment, they stared at each other. Fili wouldn’t have dared to speak, even if he had known what to say.

Then Thorin spoke, with a strained tone: “I do not approve of your choices, and I will keep hoping that both of you come to your senses. But I care about you as much as I always have. Because you are my nephew and heir, and Kili is… well, you know… I will not upset you by voicing my displeasure about the matter any further. But for the love of gods, if you insist on keeping this up, make sure that no one else _ever_ finds out. I will not protect you if that happens.”

Despite the stern words, Fili felt his breathing get a little easier. They wouldn’t have to live in fear of Thorin. “That is most gracious of you, Uncle. Thank you. We will be careful.” He bowed and was about to leave, when Thorin cleared his throat.

“In return for me keeping your secret, I would just like to request…” He paused, searching for words.

Fili took a guess: “For me to keep your secret as well? Of course I will. I won’t even tell Kili.”

“Of course you must keep it, that goes without saying!” Thorin snapped. “But what I wanted to say was…” He looked down and almost whispered the rest. “Please… Take care of him. Keep him safe. Make him happy.”

Fili almost didn’t believe his ears. Thorin looked like it was the hardest thing he had ever had to say. There was a whole new feeling passing through Fili now, a new kind of connection to the older Dwarf. The realization that Kili was the most important person in both of their lives, for different but equally meaningful reasons.

He felt a sudden urge to hug Thorin, but it seemed too big a step in this delicate situation. So he inched just a bit closer and put his hand on Thorin’s shoulder. Thorin looked up at him, eyes unreadable. Fili stared at him for a moment, trying to convey through his eyes that he knew how much it had taken for Thorin to speak his wish aloud, especially when he disapproved of the situation so much. Then he simply nodded, gave Thorin’s shoulder a quick squeeze and turned to leave, to go back home, to Kili.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That concludes the second part of the story. The next chapter will find the brothers nineteen years later, in a forest near to a certain little land inhabited by certain Halflings...


	16. Brothers by Iron - 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So. Brothers by Iron, as in brothers-in-arms. Here we start tracing through the journey as told in the movies, and I like to keep as close to canon as possible, so I've opted not to rewrite every single moment of the films, you guys probably know them as well as I do. Also, excluding maybe the last two chapters (which took me disproportionately long), this whole story was written before DOS EE and BOTFA came out, so they're not taken into the account here, sorry. But enough rambling, let's get back to our boys!

~19 YEARS LATER~

Fili had just gotten the fire going nicely, when something large and warm unexpectedly knocked him over to his back. Had he not immediately recognized the mane of dark hair that fell on his face, he might have been alarmed.

As it was, he buried his hands in aforementioned mane and interrupted Kili’s squeal of “Fee!” with a long, deep kiss. It had only been a few days since the brothers had last seen each other, but it had been enough to make them miss each other terribly, and Fili’s heart filled with warmth now that Kili was back in his arms.

They were currently in a little forest a few miles south of the border of a land called Shire, which was inhabited by Halflings who called themselves Hobbits, or so Thorin had told them. Travelling there was to be the first part of a heroic quest to reclaim Erebor, the lost kingdom that they had heard so many stories of. They couldn’t have been more excited to take part in it – Erebor, if reclaimed, was after all set to be theirs one day (or Fili’s, technically, but in private he always made it clear that Kili would rule as his equal, even if in secret).

Fili had embarked on the journey a bit ahead of Kili, because Thorin had ordered him to visit an old friend of his, an especially skilled jewelry-smith who lived in solitude near the town of Bree. “I ordered something from him and I would like for you to pick it up,” the King had said in his no-further-explanation-required tone.

Although it had saddened the brothers that they wouldn’t start the journey together, they had not argued the point. Thorin had begun to accept their relationship more as years had went by (or more likely accept the fact that he couldn’t do anything about it), but they still didn’t want to needlessly anger him.

They broke the kiss to just stare at each other for a while, Fili petting Kili’s hair and Kili fidgeting with his moustache braids. “Did you find it easy to get here, Kee?”

“Yes… But lonely, I must admit,” Kili said with that mischievous spark in his eyes that never failed to set fire to Fili’s loins. Almost two decades since they first declared their love for each other and Kili still drove him mad with desire.

“Well, I was just going to cook some fish for lunch…” Fili said, deliberately teasing. Kili dove down to attack his neck with open-mouthed kisses and hot strokes of his tongue until the older brother was whining with lust.

“I’m not all that hungry,” the dark-haired prince whispered and brought their lips together.

They didn’t bother hiding in the bushes; it was extremely unlikely that any of the other members of their company would pass through this forest, and if one of those Hobbits came by? Who cared, really. Fili certainly didn’t, when Kili rid him of his coat and shirt in a heated frenzy and flicked his tongue out to tease his nipples.

Fili bucked up his hips, but Kili moved himself so that he couldn’t find the friction he yearned. He tried to slid his hand between his legs, but Kili slapped it off. “You’re evil, Kee,” Fili gasped and felt his little brother smiling against his chest.

Kili’s tongue-work was absolute magic and Fili’s nipples had always been sensitive, so before too long he was squirming, moaning and begging with each lick. “Kili please… Brother, I’m going crazy. I need you… need you to touch me!”

Kili actually giggled for a second, and then said with a deep, honey-glazed voice: “Only if you touch me too. Get out of your pants.” Fili almost twisted his ankle as he tried to get his pants off before remembering to remove his shoes first. Meanwhile, Kili stripped quickly enough, but a bit more gracefully. He motioned Fili to lie down on his side on the soft grass, and then laid down in front of him, but with his head on level with Fili’s hard, leaking cock.

Fili barely had time to marvel at Kili’s cock, which in turn was right on his face, before Kili took him in his mouth and everything went white for a second. He would never get used to how good Kili’s mouth felt. For a moment he just relished in the heavenly feeling, but then a disapproving moan around his member reminded him that he had a job to do as well. Fili darted out his tongue and drew a long lick along the shaft in front of him; he felt Kili shiver with delight and put his hand on his brother’s back, caressing it softly.

From then on out, Fili was aware of nothing but the sweet taste of Kili in his mouth and the hot, wet pressure sending waves of euphoria from his crotch throughout his entire being. His head was spinning, Kili was warm and wonderful against him and everything about this journey would be perfect as long as they were together –

He came into Kili’s mouth with a long moan around his cock, which in turn made Kili go rigid and climax, hand searching Fili’s and grabbing it desperately hard. When they came down from their high, they let each other’s members fall from their lips but kept the same position, heads resting on each other’s thighs. “Gods, Fee,” Kili said after panting for a while, “I love it when we do that and come at the same time. It’s like we’re not even two different people when that happens, just one body curling around a big ball of pleasure.”

Fili chuckled. “Well aren’t you eloquent today.” But the experience was quite similar to him, and they both knew it, like they knew everything there was to know about each other. They were still holding hands.

Once they were dressed again and readying themselves to leave the forest (“There’s no time to eat anymore,” Fili had said with a meaningful look at his brother, “We need to be there by midnight, and the sun’s going down already. There’ll be food at the Hobbit’s house – Baggins or Boggins or whatever his name was.”), Fili remembered the little metal box that was securely tucked in his backpack, and fished it out. “Oh right, there’s something you need to see.”

“Yes?” Kili looked at the beautifully carved thing with great curiosity.

“Remember the jewelry-smith that Thorin send me to see? To pick up an order?” Kili nodded. “Turns out that the old fox had me go all that way to fetch a gift for myself… and you.” Fili smiled softly and opened the box for Kili to see. Inside were two large silver hair clasps, beautifully and intricately designed. Both unique, similar but still so different that Kili had no trouble knowing at the first glance which one was his and which one Fili’s.

“Oh Fee… They’re beautiful. Thorin had these made for us? Really? He’s going soft, that old sourpuss,” Kili said, his tone half mocking and half gentle.

“Supposedly they will keep us safe during our quest,” Fili explained. He didn’t comment on Thorin’s supposed softness; he knew, of course, that Thorin had always had a soft spot for Kili, so that was nothing new. But the gesture did warm his heart, because it emphasized his connection with Kili and Thorin must have known that.

Deep down, Fili still felt bad about the fact that Kili didn’t know about his true parentage, but he had reached some sort of peace of mind about it. They were happy, Kili was happy without that knowledge, and that was all that mattered.

They carefully placed the silver clasps on each other’s hair – Kili making a braid on Fili’s, but demanding, like always, that his own hair be kept braid-free – admired them for a moment, shared another warm kiss or two and headed out.

 *

Upon finding the place they were supposed to meet the others in, and having been greeted by a most flustered Hobbit, they were glad to find Balin and Dwalin already there. They hadn’t even begun to really catch up with their old teachers, when a whole bunch of other Dwarves flooded the kitchen they were in. Some were sort of familiar from the halls of Ered Luin, some they didn’t know at all.

Thorin was nowhere to be seen, so the brothers felt less need to act like proper heirs of Durin and went merrily along when the others started to empty the large pantry, the Hobbit protesting mildly all along. The Wizard had now appeared as well, the one named Gandalf, whom Thorin had introduced to them a few months before as a vital part of their group.

The food and ale were plenty, and Fili and Kili found themselves making lots of new friends while filling their stomachs. In their own halls, Dwarves were usually civilized enough – but in the company of others, they tended to get a little too sucked into the image that the other races had of them, which resulted in them being messy and very noisy.

It was just a bit of tricksy fun for them, but the Hobbit – Bilbo, Gandalf seemed to call him – seemed genuinely shaken. So they tried to cheer him up by cleaning the mess with a lovely tune to sing, and it was hilarious, but then there was a knock on the door and they immediately knew it was Thorin.

“He’s here,” Gandalf said. Fili heard excitement in his voice, the same that flashed in Kili’s eyes and filled his own mind. Him and Kili were the first to rush to the hall, but it was Gandalf who opened the door. Thorin stepped in, as majestic and bursting with confidence as ever.

He nodded briefly to the others, but at the sight of Kili, a warm smile spread to his face. Kili smiled back and stepped in to take his travelling cloak, like it was the most natural thing in the world, even though he was among the most highly ranking dwarves in the room and much above such a task. It both warmed Fili’s heart and broke it.

Thorin was given supper, and they all gathered around the table again – with a much more civilized air this time. They talked about the quest ahead. It was a hard thing to hear that they would be facing the dragon with such a small group, only thirteen of them; but Fili and Kili didn’t lose heart so easily. They were all for the adventure.

But the Hobbit, Bilbo, didn’t seem to take the news of his employment quite so well. He fainted, actually. It was a tiny bit pathetic, but kind of funny as well. Fili heard Kili stifling a giggle next to him. In the short fuss that followed, with Gandalf stepping in to see to Bilbo and some of the other Dwarves going to check the pantry once more, Fili motioned Kili to follow him quietly outside.

They stepped out of the funny round doorway and sneaked to the lush backyard. There they sat down on the grass and lit their pipes in a comfortable silence. For a while they just smoked and listened to the crickets. The night was warm and beautiful. “What do you think?” Kili finally asked. He didn’t need to specify.

“I think this will be fun,” Fili answered. “And it will also be dangerous. So I want you to _promise_ me,” he took Kili’s hand, “that you will be careful.”

Kili grinned. “You sound just like Mother. I already promised her.” He squeezed Fili’s hand back. “And what do you think of the Hobbit?”

Fili took a moment to think about that. “He seems a little squeamish. But he might be stronger on the inside. And Gandalf seems to believe in him, I guess that’s good enough for me. Thorin might be harder to convince, it looks like he hates Bilbo already.”

“Nah, he doesn’t. He just doesn’t think he will be able to keep a creature like that safe on the road and it’s eating at his conscience. He acts grumpy because he doesn’t want anyone to know he’s actually concerned.” Kili said all this like it was clear as a day. Like always, Fili was amazed for a moment, but he had long ago accepted the fact that Kili could read Thorin like no other. It was almost eerie.

“Well, whether Bilbo joins us or not, this will definitely be an interesting journey. We have some real characters in the group. And we’re going to see some amazing things, especially when we reach Erebor.”

“Mmm-hmm. But it will be hard for us to get any time alone,” Kili whispered, leaning towards his brother. Their lips met and they laid down on the grass. They kissed intensely for a moment, the sweet scent of crushed grass filling their noses.

Fili was starting to feel the familiar heat coursing through his body, and with a great effort broke the kiss. “Oh my love… I want you so much, but we can’t. Not now. There isn’t any time, someone will be missing us back inside any second.”

Kili looked disappointed but nodded. Then he lifted his gaze up to the starry sky. Fili looked up too; it was magical. He had never seen a sky quite so filled with stars. It almost seemed like a good omen for their quest. Fili leaned over to share one more lingering kiss with his brother before they got up and went back inside to get ready for some sleep. Or maybe to do a bit more singing first.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thorin giving them the hair clasps is most definitely one of my favourite headcanons.


	17. Brothers by Iron - 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Seriously though, how the fuck else could they possibly miss a damn Troll coming to steal their ponies?

“Fili, Kili, look after the ponies. Make sure you _stay_ with them!” Thorin’s order had a sharp tone to it, and Kili grinned at his brother. Thorin, being the only one in the group to know the truth about their relationship (although Fili wouldn’t have been surprised if old Balin saw more than he let out, and Bofur had watched them with a very peculiar smirk once or twice), was always very concerned that someone would find out, and didn’t really trust them to be alone – but since the brothers spent all their time together anyway, it would have been suspicious to keep them apart too much.

Before they could gather the ponies, there seemed to be some sort of argument between their uncle and Gandalf, and the Wizard stormed away. The Dwarves didn’t think too much of it – Wizards were known to be temperamental – but Bilbo seemed rather worried. “He just needs some alone time. Anyone would want a break after discussing with Thorin for too long,” Kili told the Hobbit when he walked past him, and gave him a pat on the back.

Bilbo looked slightly alarmed and stole a guilty glance at their leader. Fili chuckled to himself. Kili was as much of a tease as ever, but both of the brothers had grown to like the Hobbit quite a bit.

They had been surprised but happy when Bilbo had decided to join them, even if belatedly. Not only was the Halfling very much fun to prank (although Thorin was furious to catch them at it), but also just somehow a relaxing person to be around. Everything on the road was a wonder to him, and Fili and Kili were happy to tell him stories (if maybe sometimes a bit exaggerated) about all the places they had been to and people they had met. Bilbo was a great listener and always asked for more specific details, saying that he might write a book someday and was collecting material.

“You think his book is going to include a chapter about Dwarves being annoying arseholes?” Kili asked his brother when they lead the last two ponies to a small clearing with plenty of grass for them to eat.

“I don’t see how it could not!” Fili laughed. “What with Thorin treating him like a piece of burdock stuck to his fur coat and all.” He fumbled a bit with the pony’s bridles, and by the time he managed to get them off, Kili was done with his pony and sneaked behind him. Strong arms hugged Fili close and Kili’s face was buried to the side of his neck.

“Hello,” Kili’s muffled voice said. “I’ve missed you terribly.” Fili leaned back into his brother’s body and sighed happily. As Kili had predicted, in the company of eleven other Dwarves, a Hobbit and a Wizard it was virtually impossible to get any intimacy – save for some stolen kisses in the woods and squeezing each other’s hand in the dark when they went to sleep, always side by side but not suspiciously close.

Here, just out of seeing and hearing distance of the rest of the group, they were the most alone they had been since the day in the forest outside of Shire. And yet it was very risky – someone could come to check on them or the ponies or bring food or anything…

Fili couldn’t care less. He turned around and kissed Kili desperately. Fingers tangled in long strands of hair, they stumbled behind some bushes and let themselves fall to the ground in a mess of limbs and moans. They didn’t take their clothes off, there was no time for that and they were too anxious anyway. Kili snaked his hand into his brother’s trousers and grabbed his hard member. Fili did the same to him.

They stroked each other and it was bliss, the angle was awkward and their rhythm unsynchronized but they didn’t even really notice. Fili knew nothing except the sweet, familiar taste of Kili’s lips on his and that heavenly grip around his shaft.

It didn’t take him more than a couple of minutes to climax, gasping, into Kili’s hand. It made him tighten his own grasp on Kili and soon enough, the younger brother was moaning out his orgasm as well. Fili watched his face go from an image of deepest passion to calm and relaxed again; it was a beautiful sight, like always. They kissed lazily and pressed their foreheads together. Fili felt that incredible peace fill him, the one he always felt when he was this close to Kili. It was safe and nice and warm…

…He woke up with a start and it was darker than he remembered. It took him a moment to figure out his bearings. “Shit,” was his reaction when he did. He wasn’t supposed to have fallen asleep, but he had, and Kili as well. His hand was still in Kili’s pants and Kili gave an unhappy groan in his sleep when he pulled it away. He felt sticky and a bit gross in his soiled underwear, but that wasn’t what had woken him up.

It was a sound. That’s right, he still heard an echo of it in his head, the way you do when a loud noise wakes you up. He had a feeling that it didn’t mean anything good.

“Kili. Wake up, you sloth.” He shook Kili’s shoulder until he opened his eyes with a grumpy look.

“Whaaat, Fee? I’m exhausted, let me sleep.”

“We can’t sleep, we’re supposed to keep watch! And I think something’s wrong. I heard something. Get up,” Fili ordered, but then helped his brother to his feet quite gently. They emerged from behind the bush and immediately noticed the source of the sound that had woken Fili. A large tree that had been very much vertical when they fell asleep, was ripped off its roots and laying on the ground. They froze to the place.

“The ponies?” Kili asked with a fearful voice.

They looked around. The ponies were slightly scattered but it wasn’t hard to tell that there were less than were supposed to be. “Fourteen,” Fili whispered after some quick counting. “Thorin is going to gut us.”

They didn’t have time to decide a next move or even unfreeze before Bilbo came down from the camp with two bowls of soup in his hands. _At least he didn’t come here while we were still sleeping with my hand around Kili’s cock_ , Fili thought with an edge of hystery. _Silver linings_.

“What’s the matter?” Bilbo asked, confused.

“We’re supposed to be looking after the ponies,” Kili said quickly.

“Only… We’ve encountered a small problem,” Fili continued.

“We _had_ sixteen.”

“Now there’s… fourteen.”

Bilbo caught up quickly and started to panic. Fili wished the Hobbit would calm down, because he was having a hard time fighting back the anxiety himself. The thought of Thorin finding out about their lapse of focus was, simply put, terrifying. It didn’t take them long to locate the source of the trouble, when they saw a large camp fire and heard Troll voices from the forest.

Fili and Kili didn’t hesitate to sneak closer, but were wary to attack by themselves. Years of hard training had managed to give them an ounce of discretion, after all. For a moment they were at loss about what to do. But Bilbo, with his bowls of soup, gave them an idea. It was a bit unfair towards the Hobbit, perhaps. But they needed to buy a little time and were rather sure that Bilbo would go unnoticed by the Trolls. It would turn out just fine.

 *

 Fili was forced to adjust his optimism when he found himself tied up in a large sack, lying face-down on the ground on his companions’ feet. After the Hobbit had sneaked towards the Trolls, the brothers had started to feel bad and decided to fetch the others after all. “We’re gonna be in so much trouble,” Kili had whined as they ran towards the camp. “And my smallclothes are a sticky mess!” Fili had suppressed another hysterical bout of laughter as they had emerged from the woods and yelled for everyone to follow.

Much to their embarrassment, their courageous attack didn’t exactly go as planned. Half of their friends were being cooked over the fire, the rest of them were unable to move or break free, and Gandalf was nowhere to be seen – Fili was starting to fear for Kili’s life, as well as his own. And suddenly Bilbo jumped up in his sack, yelled to the Trolls and started to ramble on about… wait, _parasites_?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They are all a bunch of idiots and I love them so much.


	18. Brothers by Iron - 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some more of the things we didn't see in AUJ...

A few hours later, they found themselves in a very different setting indeed. Fili supposed it was just the nature of their trip; it had started peacefully enough and then suddenly everything was moving full speed.

Bilbo’s diversion and Gandalf’s arrival had saved them from the Trolls, but Fili and Kili had barely had time to change their underwear before another Wizard arrived, Wargs started howling, ponies ran off (much to Kili’s frustration: “We _just_ got them back!”) and they were running for their lives. Gandalf led them into a secret tunnel, and at the end of the tunnel, they had seen the most surprising sight of their journey yet.

They had heard of Rivendell before, of course. And by Thorin’s example, they had learned to be suspicious of anything that had to do with Elves. But Fili couldn’t deny that it was a beautiful place and he felt safe from the moment he stepped inside the gates.

And the Elves, well, they were certainly beautiful as well. And arrogant. But after some initial hostility, they were given rooms to stay in and Fili was ready to forgive the Elves their arrogance when he found himself in privacy and in an actual bed with Kili for the first time in weeks. “I hope we stay here for a while,” he breathed between kisses as they laid on the bed, legs tangled and hands wandering.

They were supposed to be washing up and getting ready for dinner in the company of Elrond, the lord of Rivendell, but after such a long time wandering the wilds and a night full of fearing for each other’s lives, they had felt that a little intimacy was much overdue.

However, their promising session of kissing and touching was interrupted by a demanding knock on the door and Thorin’s low voice. “Open up, you two!” Kili groaned out his frustration and Fili went to let the King in. Closing the door behind him, Thorin scanned them with his familiar disapproving look and Fili realized that they were both quite flushed and breathing heavily.

“Sorry to interrupt your… preparation for dinner,” Thorin said with an icy voice, “but there was no time before, and I need you to explain to me what in Durin’s name you were doing last night to make you so preoccupied that you missed a full-grown Troll coming to steal our ponies!” Fili and Kili looked at each other and grimaced.

The next fifteen minutes were extremely unpleasant for all involved.

 *

Thorin was still fuming when they arrived for dinner, and eating nothing but salad in the presence of numerous Elves did absolutely nothing to brighten up his mood. Fili was glad that he and Kili didn’t have to sit on the same table with the King. Kili still seemed to hear Thorin’s roars of anger in his ears, and didn’t look as lively as usually. He watched the Elven musicians curiously.

Fili knew what he was thinking. This was their first time of actually seeing Elves, and Kili, who loved all things beautiful, was overwhelmed to see that the creatures Thorin hated so much were so fair and noble-looking. Fili knew this because he was feeling something similar.

He was doing a better job hiding it, though. Kili ogled at a pretty harpist and winked at her. Fili stifled a laughter at his brother’s face when he noticed that Dwalin was staring and started to mumble something dismissive about the Elf girls. His attempts to save a face were lost when he accidentally complimented a male Elf, and Fili couldn’t help but laugh with the others.

The dinner ended in a true Dwarvish manner with a merry song and a food fight, and even Thorin seemed to enjoy himself just a little bit – although that might have just been due to the horrified faces of the Elves.

Kili was still moping when they retired to their room for the night, and Fili wondered, probably for the thousandth time since he found out, how it was possible that no one realized he was Thorin’s son. The brooding was unmistakably familiar.

Fortunately, he knew how to lighten his brother’s mood – Thorin’s disapproval be damned. “Don’t be sad, Kee,” he said, hugging Kili from behind, “I’m sure that any of these Elves would have you in a heartbeat, male or female.”

Kili snorted. “Oh yeah? Are you jealous? Maybe I will take a liking to tall, pretty Elven maids.”

Fili chuckled. “That’ll be the day. And no, I’m not jealous of you, love. I know you are only mine.” He kissed Kili’s ear and the younger brother purred.

“Prove it,” Kili whispered. Fili didn’t waste any time stripping them both of their shirts and pushing the dark-haired Dwarf to the bed. Kili stretched himself out on it and smiled seductively. Fili pounced him without delay. He licked along Kili’s neck and jawline, listening to the moans and gasps.

“You’re more beautiful than any Elf,” he whispered and kissed his brother. Kili answered the kiss enthusiastically and spun them around so that he was on top of Fili.

“And you are far more easy on the eyes than any smooth-cheeked harpist,” Kili said with a smirk as he unbuttoned Fili’s trousers. He bowed his head down and took Fili between his soft lips. Fili threw his head back with a gasp and wished they would stay in this lovely place for at least a week or so.

 *

They didn’t get a full week, but the few days spent in Rivendell became Fili’s favourite part of the journey so far. Even the arrogance of the Elves was less irritating when Kili was by his side to laugh at them. The food was horrible, but otherwise he felt almost sad when it was time to leave. Especially since they sneaked off in the middle of the night. But they all soon got used to being on the road again, and the only thing he really regretted was the lack of privacy with Kili, once again.

Bilbo seemed rather unhappy that they had left Rivendell, and Fili couldn’t really blame him: Thorin was treating him colder than ever, Gandalf wasn’t present and the rest of the Dwarves were generally too preoccupied with catching food or sharpening axes to pay him much attention. The Elves, although resentful of Dwarves, had probably treated Bilbo with the graceful kindness he deserved.

But they needed to go on, and if Gandalf was to be believed, they needed Bilbo. Fili and Kili made it a habit to talk with the Hobbit when they camped for the night and build a fire, recounting silly tales of their childhood pranks and lessons.

Once or twice, when Kili got really carried away, he would grab Fili’s hand and lean against his shoulder in a fit of laughter. Fili quickly and gently pushed his hand away without making a big deal of it, but he thought he could still see a curious hint in Bilbo’s eyes.

They had been travelling a few days since Rivendell, when Fili got to experience a terror unlike anything he had ever felt. It was a raining, storming, miserable weather and they were walking along a tiny stone ledge on the Misty Mountains. Or, as Kili put it, “This is more swimming than walking!” And as if the downpour wasn’t enough, the mountains started to actually move and attack each other.

Fili didn’t even have time to get over his disbelief when suddenly, the path between him and Kili cracked and broke apart. “Kili! Grab my hand!” he shouted, but it was too late. He saw Kili’s wind-swept face on the other side of the newly appeared hundred-foot drop, and it was filled with the same horror he was feeling.

_Please no, we can’t die like this, not apart!_ screamed a voice in Fili’s head, and he was barely aware of the chaos around him. Staring steadfastly at Kili’s direction, he saw him and the others escaping the Stone Giant’s knee to the edge of the real mountain and sighed with relief. It didn’t last long, because he suddenly became aware that the rock he was on, along with the other half of the Company, was going to crash against the mountain. He saw Kili’s horrified face once more and braced himself for the impact… 

…He must have blacked out for a few seconds, but when he opened his eyes, the coldness and pain told him he was still alive. Fili looked around and saw the others, halfway buried under a pile of stones but apparently unharmed. Through the storm, he heard Thorin’s voice, full of panic: “No! Kili!”

_Kili?_ he thought. _Thorin must have thought he was on this side._ He didn’t blame the King for the confusion, he could barely see anything in this blasted rain. A second later, Thorin appeared from around the corner, met Fili’s reassuring eyes, and scanned around. He looked back and apparently realized Kili was on the tail of the other group, and relaxed visibly. So did Fili, until Bofur asked: “Where’s Bilbo?” and they saw the little Hobbit hanging onto the edge of the rock for dear life.

Before anyone else could even move, Thorin had jumped down to pull the Hobbit up. He almost fell in the process himself, but Dwalin managed to grab him and the whole thing was over in seconds. It seemed to Fili that Thorin looked a bit awkward for some reason, but covered it up by being angry and lashing out at Bilbo, like usual.

The Company started to gather on the ledge one by one, Kili being the last. His face was paler than death and when his eyes met Fili’s, he immediately ran to his brother’s side and hugged him tightly. Fili hadn’t realised how fast his heart was beating until Kili was safely in his arms. They knew they couldn’t kiss or exchange words of love, not here, not now, but just holding each other for a while and feeling the warmth of each other’s living bodies was enough for the moment.

 *

When Fili next had time to think, he came to the conclusion that the peaceful days spent in Rivendell seemingly had to be balanced out by an outbreak of life-threatening chaos. After the scary encounter with the Stone Giants, Fili and Kili were sleeping side by side on the floor of a cave, fingertips secretly touching, when they suddenly woke because the floor vanished from underneath them. Then it was falling, falling, right into the pit of Goblins.

And as if the little Goblins poking at them weren’t enough, there was a massive, ugly, disgusting one waiting for them in the center of their lair. As the Goblin King taunted them and sang his revolting songs, Fili could do very little besides stare at the back of Kili’s head and think ‘ _How do we get sucked into these situations?_ ’ to himself.

Gandalf, with his great sense of dramatic timing, managed to save them – at least in the sense that they had a chance to run. And run they did, all the way to the quickly fading daylight. It was only then that Fili and Kili properly noticed, among all the others, that Bilbo wasn’t with them.

Trust their Burglar to be small and silent enough to slip away from a group of Goblins! But Fili felt very worried all of a sudden, and by his expression, Kili did as well. What if something had happened to the Hobbit? Thorin, on the other hand, reacted as usual, and Fili was almost irritated with him. _What did the Hobbit ever do to make you resent him so much?_

But to their surprise, Bilbo appeared from behind a tree. Thorin looked absolutely flabberghasted, but Fili and Kili were pleased. Their celebratory mood didn’t last for long, though, for the Orcs were hot on their tail and it was time to escape yet again, this time up some trees.

The situation seemed desperate, especially when Thorin attacked by himself and was overpowered – but in the most unexpected turn of events yet, a bunch of giant eagles flew to their rescue. Fili and Kili were snatched onto the back of one of them and grabbed the feathers tightly. Fili thought he heard his brother let out a frightened gasp as they soared higher and took his hand.

He didn’t know how long they rode the eagles, but the sun was rising again when they were finally lowered safely to a tall stone peak in the middle of a valley, and yet Thorin was still unconscious. Fili and Kili ran to his side as soon as they got off the eagle, but Gandalf shooed them off and muttered some strange words until Thorin opened his eyes. Fili let out a relieved sigh and saw Kili’s shoulders relax, before he went to help the King onto his feet.

Once standing, Thorin turned to the Hobbit. “You! What were you doing? You nearly got yourself killed! Did I not say that you would be a burden? That you would not survive in the wild? That you have no place amongst us?” Fili was ready to roll his eyes again, but what happened next surprised them all. Thorin embraced Bilbo warmly and said with a slightly trembling voice: “I've never been so wrong in all my life.”

Fili smiled and saw Kili chuckling to himself. They saw Erebor in the distance and Fili was filled with a new hope for their quest. Even Thorin seemed happy, as rare as that was. As they began to descend down the peak, Fili and Kili wavered so that they were the last ones standing on the top. They made sure that none of the others were looking up at them and shared a short, but sweet kiss. “I’m so happy you’re not hurt, even after all this craziness,” Fili whispered and squeezed his brother’s hand.

“Likewise,” Kili said with a smile. “Let’s just hope that we won’t have to run for our lives again for a while.”

Well, it took a couple of days at least.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tall, pretty Elven maids, eh? There should be some of those in store for the next chapter.


	19. Brothers by Iron - 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We move on to the events of DOS... So you know there's some trouble brewing.

“Didn’t Gandalf say that this house would be nearby?” Bofur was panting as he ran behind Fili. The blond Dwarf didn’t waste his breath to answer. They had been running for the best part of the day, running from the beast Bilbo had seen and from the Orcs. And though Dwarves were great runners, it was starting to get to them. But they would still have a few miles left in them, and Gandalf yelled that they were almost there.

Gandalf seemed to handle the running fine, even with his age, but Bilbo didn’t look too good. He was panting loudly, his face was reddening and he kept almost stumbling over his own feet. Thorin, who was running right beside him, stopped him from falling down one or two times by grabbing the neck of his coat.

The beast’s howling was getting uncomfortably close, when they finally saw the house, in the middle of a large, lush garden. They ran to the door and after a little struggling, rushed inside and shut it on the face of a huge, furious bear. After the door was safely closed between them and the bear, Gandalf explained that it was actually the owner of the house in some kind of disguise.

Fili decided he was too exhausted to be shocked and just dumped his backpack to a pile of hay (the whole floor was covered with it, it seemed, on account of the numerous livestock that resided in the house) and stretched his aching muscles.

Kili came to his side. “Looks like we’ll stay here tonight,” he said with a smile.

“Yeah,” Fili smirked back, “unless someone decides to come and make us run for our lives again.” He sat down.

“Well, while we wait for that, I should re-do your braids, they’re all messed up…” Kili sat behind his brother and started to rake through his golden locks with his fingers, picking out little twigs and leaves and smoothing the mane.

A few of the others were already doing the same – it was a question of pride for Dwarves to have their beards and braids presentable – but for Kili, it was also an excuse to secretly touch Fili’s neck, ears and temples with his fingertips. The soft caresses eased the tension in Fili’s body and he just closed his eyes and enjoyed Kili’s closeness.

That night, the company, with Gandalf’s reassurance, felt safe enough to sleep without a guard. Fili and Kili laid down on the hay just a little bit away from the others and waited, as if by a wordless agreement, that everyone else had fallen asleep. When all they heard were soft (or sometimes less than soft) snores, they shuffled closer to each other, until their faces were less than an inch apart, and kissed for a long time. After they broke the kiss, they stayed close, lips just touching, listening to each other’s steady breathing.

Kili mouthed something against his brother’s lips. It was soundless, but Fili knew what he was saying, and mouthed the same thing back. _I love you._ They kissed again. Kili sneaked his hand on Fili’s backside and squeezed his ass, and Fili let out a little moan before he could help it. “Not here,” he whispered hastily and Kili chuckled.

“I know. Just wanted a feel.” He stroked Fili’s hair. “Goodnight.” They broke further apart, but Fili placed his fingertips on Kili’s wrist. Before he drifted off, he thought he heard the hay rustle a bit in Bilbo’s direction, but then sleep overcame him.

 *

The man who owned the house, Beorn, was huge and wild-looking, but surprisingly gentle. He gave them breakfast the following morning and even agreed to lend his ponies for them to get safely to the edge of Mirkwood. But once there, Gandalf surprised them by announcing that he would part ways with them, to go look for something. Fili had a bad feeling about it as they watched him ride away, but Thorin was already in a hurry to march off into the forest, and of course they all followed.

The forest, Fili soon decided, was a horrible place. It was dark, stuffy and ominous. It made his head spin and confused his thoughts. He struggled to keep an eye on Kili and soon found it hard to keep his legs straight under the weight of his backpack. He would have liked to lay down and sleep. They were lost, they were scared and he couldn’t even fully remember why they were in the cursed place anymore. He barely noticed when Thorin called for silence and said that they were being watched.

Suddenly, huge, monstrous creatures with too many legs were all around them. Fili winced and grabbed Kili’s arm, he felt a sharp sting in his shoulder, and then everything went dark.

He woke up to the sensation of falling down and landing on his back. He realized he was bound in some sort of sticky cocoon and panicked for a moment, but then recognized the voices of his companions around him and broke free of the disgusting material. He saw Kili, eyes wide and covered with spiderwebs but definitely alive, and his heart settled a little bit.

But then the monsters attacked again. This time, the Dwarves were prepared and put up a fight. They managed to slew a bunch of spiders before suddenly, arrows were pointed at their faces and they were surrounded by Elves. Fili strongly suspected that these ones would not offer them dinner like the ones in Rivendell.

Someone shouted behind the nearby trees. Fili took a look around and his heart turned to ice at the realization that his little brother wasn’t in the group. “Kili!” He tried to break free but the Elves turned more arrows towards him and Gloin and Nori grabbed his arms.

“Don’t!” Gloin shouted. “These Elves will shoot you!”

“I don’t care – Kili is in danger! KILI!” He struggled and threw a pleading look at Thorin, who seemed to be on the edge of running towards Kili as well.

“Let us go and help him, you useless worms!” the King growled.

“I thought the Dwarves were supposed to be tough and help themselves?” one of the Elves sneered.

Fili was about to unleash a storm of profanities at the Elf when he heard Kili’s voice: “I’m alright!” The dark-haired Dwarf was then escorted back to the rest of them by a red-headed She-Elf, whom he eyed curiously.

“What happened?” Fili asked quietly once Kili was standing by his side.

“She saved me,” Kili said, nodding at the redhead.

“She did?” Fili looked at the female Elf, who was now discussing with the tall blond Elf who seemed to be in charge. He was suddenly reminded of the dinner in Rivendell where Kili had made eyes at the Elf maiden, and felt something that he had rarely experienced since they had declared their love for each other: jealousy.

“She’s very pretty,” he said, trying to keep his tone neutral. Kili looked at him, brow furrowed, but did not get a chance to answer, for the Elves were starting to search them for hidden weapons and Fili happened to have plenty. Then they were hearded away, towards the heart of the forest. Fili saw the pretty Elf keeping close guard over his brother and his heart sank.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I love Tauriel. I would never wank about her, or hate on Kiliel shippers or anything like that, because I'm a decent human being who understands that people have different ships and my ships aren't in any way above anyone else's - ship and let ship, I say. But no amount of canon can stray me from my intense belief in Fili/Kili. So Fili's gonna get a little bit bitter here.


	20. Brothers by Iron - 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (We got a full-on movie analysis conversation going after the last chapter, didn't we? :D I didn't mean to make everyone's traumas crawl out, sorry about that, but I'm really glad to hear your thoughts of the movies, that's what the fandom is for ^^)
> 
> When I was proofreading this, I'm very happy to say that I laughed a full five minutes at my own joke about Kili liking the Elves in the fifth paragraph. Don't get your hopes up, it's not even funny. I'm just that much of a dumbass.

Once they reached the Forest King’s halls, Thorin was separated from them. “No doubt they will take him to meet King Thranduil,” Balin said. The rest of them were locked in cages – most by themselves, some in pairs. To Fili’s anguish, him and Kili were put in separate, although neighbouring, cells. The Elves found his last hidden weapon too, and he was fuming.

Then he heard Kili make some pointy and rather flirty comment at the red-headed Elf – Tauriel, he thought her name was – and she seemed to like it! Fili felt miserable. He didn’t dare to speak of his feelings to his brother, because the others would certainly hear.

After trying to kick the cell door open for a while, Fili gave up and sat on the floor. He soon heard Thorin being brought to the cells and cursing the Elf-King with a rather foul choice of words. He thought he heard Kili sniggering in the neighbouring cell and had to smile as well. Trust Thorin’s temper to get them into even more trouble. “Are you okay, Fili?” came a quiet question from Kili’s direction.

“…Fine,” Fili answered, feeling suddenly exhausted.

He considered the situation. His rational side was telling him that it was absurd to worry about Tauriel. Had he and Kili not been lovers for two decades? Had Kili not proven his love for his brother again and again? Was their love not deep and true enough not to be shaken by one silly Elf girl? But there was a fearful side to Fili as well, telling him that Kili obviously had a certain weakness for Elf maidens (or rather, Elves in general). And that maybe Kili was tired of loving in secret and in shame.

Maybe, now that he had seen more of the world, what Fili had to offer him wasn’t enough. They were still young, their whole lives ahead. Maybe their relationship had been just something for Kili to try in the recklessness of youth. Fili’s heart hurt at the thought and he felt like he couldn’t breathe.

Soon, he saw Tauriel coming back, to check on the prisoners, apparently. But she stopped in front of Kili’s cell and Fili wanted to murder her. They started talking. Kili was telling her about the runestone that Dis had given him. Fili remembered it well, it was a beautiful thing. It had belonged to Frerin, Mother had told them with a tear in her eye.

For Fili, she had given three silver hair beads that had once been their grandfather’s. “To give you the wisdom and bravery of a true King,” Dis had said to him proudly. They both had valued their gifts and kept them properly safe during the journey.

Although Kili couldn’t resist playing with the stone when he was anxious and apparently almost dropped it again. Fili shook his head tiredly. Then Kili and Tauriel went on to talk about stars and moonlight and whatnot. It sounded very much like romantic nonsense, and Fili was irritated.

But then Kili raised his voice a bit and said: “I saw a firemoon once.” Fili looked up and listened more intensely. Kili was reciting the tale of the journey along the Greenway. Fili knew it by heart, for he had been there. They had watched the firemoon together. And they had made love under its beautiful light. And suddenly he realized that even though he was discussing with Tauriel, Kili was actually talking to his brother. Fili’s heart felt warmer.

 *

It was hard to tell the passing of time in the cells, because the trees did not give way to much of the natural light and the lanterns burned all the time. Fili suspected that he had fallen asleep at some point, but was awake again when suddenly, Bilbo appeared. With a set of keys, no less. The Hobbit had an endless storage of burglar secrets, it seemed. They were freed and upon seeing his brother, Kili’s eyes flashed with the same joy that Fili felt.

By Bilbo’s advice, they marched down to the cellars. There they experienced a moment of mistrust when the Halfling ordered them to crawl into a set of large barrels, but Thorin took Bilbo’s side instantly and snapped them into action. Fili positioned himself into a barrel next to Kili’s, Bilbo pulled on a lever, and the next thing he knew, he was rolling down and splashed into water in his barrel.

There was a moment of chaos, barrels clunking against each other, water being spat out and panicked gasps. But Dwarves never hesitate for long in a time of action, and soon they were all looking out of their barrels and ready to float away with the river.

But Thorin halted them. “Wait just a moment,” he said with a hushed voice, staring hard at the wooden trap door through which they had fallen.

Fili didn’t understand. He met Kili’s eye, saw him mouth “Bilbo”, and nod at Thorin, and it dawned on him. Only a moment after, the trap door opened again and Bilbo fell down. Thorin smiled his rare smile as Bilbo grabbed a hold of Nori’s barrel, and gave them a signal to move.

Very soon, things got crazy. The Elves were on their tail, the current was violently strong, and then a bunch of Orcs appeared. The Dwarves were stuck behind a closed gate in their barrels, in a very tight spot between two enemies.

Suddenly, Fili saw his little brother jump up from his barrel and run towards the lever that would open the gate. Dwalin threw Kili a spear to help him get through some Orcs, and he was almost there when out of nowhere, an arrow struck him in the leg.

Fili’s heart stopped for a moment. Kili fell down. Fili panicked. “KILI!” he yelled. He wanted to get out of this stupid barrel, to run to his brother, his Kili, to help him… But he was in a difficult spot at the mercy of the river, unable to get to his love. He looked at Thorin, who looked incredibly scared, even though he couldn’t even see Kili from his position under the bridge.

Kili started to get back up again, and although the danger was far from over, Fili felt an immense relief wash over him. Kili was wounded, but alive. And like a true heir of Durin, the dark-haired prince stood up, ignoring the pain, and pulled the lever to set them free. He fell down again, but crawled to the edge of the bridge and met Fili’s eyes.

“Kili!” the blond shouted yet again, and Kili jumped down into an empty barrel just as they started to float forward with the current. The arrow sticking from his leg was snapped in half in the process and the look of anguish on his face hurt Fili’s heart. He tried to grab Kili’s arm, but once they got through the gate, the current took them and he had to hold onto his own barrel with both hands to stay in it.

 * 

A long chaotic blur of water, Orcs and arrows later, they floated away from the enemies and eventually made it ashore. Fili had some trouble climbing out of his barrel, but when he did, he immediately ran to Kili, who tried to protest that he was alright.

“Not a word,” Fili whispered to him. “I know when you are hurt and I must take care of you.” Kili looked uncomfortable, especially when Thorin hurried them to leave. A wave of anger washed over Fili. “Kili is wounded!” he snapped. “His leg needs binding.”

Thorin was unmoved. “You have two minutes.” Fili glared daggers the the King. _Your own son is terribly wounded and you give us two minutes?_ Thorin had seemed to be more on edge every hour now that Durin’s Day creeped closer.

With Oin’s assistance, Fili did all he could to ease Kili’s pain. But suddenly, there was an intruder. A Man. He was pointing his arrow at Ori, and Dwalin got between them with a large branch and an angry growl. The Man shot his arrow to the branch, Kili got up (Fili was so focused on the stranger that he didn’t protest) with a rock in his hand, and the Man shot that away as well (Fili winced).

Everyone was very still for a moment – except Thorin who slid a few inches closer to Bilbo, with a stern look on his face, but Fili was rather sure no one else noticed it.

Then Balin spoke, in his calm and diplomatic manner. And the Man laid down his weapon. He was from Lake-Town, apparently. He noticed the barrels and told them that he was here waiting for them. Balin hastily offered to help him carry the barrels and he accepted.

All the Dwarves except for Fili, Kili and Thorin grabbed barrels and the Man led them to his barge, which was waiting just beyond the rocks. Fili quickly finished tying up Kili’s leg and while he was helping his brother up, Thorin came by their side and whispered: “The silver hair-clasps. Take them off and hide them. Don’t let anyone see them.”

Kili looked confused. “What? Why, Uncle?”

“Do as I say! Now!” Thorin snapped. Fili decided to question later, reached for his clasp and removed it, and then gently did the same to Kili’s one.

“I’ll hold onto them, okay?” Fili said in a low voice and Kili smiled.

“Sure. They’ll probably be safer with you.” Fili put the clasps deep in his trouser pocket and then supported Kili as they walked to the barge.

After some more negotiation, the Lakeman agreed to smuggle them into his town. They got on board and started to glide across the water slowly. Balin called them all round and told them that it was payment time. “We promised him quite a lot of money for his service, so everyone, get out your wallets and throw in your gold and silver objects as well, otherwise we won’t have enough…” The Dwarves grumbled, but removed their adornments and jewelries.

Fili caught Thorin’s eye and gave a little smile of gratitude; Thorin had guessed they would have to give up their valuables, but didn’t want his nephews to lose their precious clasps. As it was, the brothers were happy to just give up the gold coins from their wallets. Thorin himself gave everything except for the ring on his finger, which was the mark of his position as King; nobody questioned that, of course.

The boat ride was rather long and the air was growing chilly. Fili was worried about Kili; his leg seemed to hurt quite a lot and he was very pale. But true to his stubborn nature, Kili insisted that he was fine and accused his brother of being a ridiculous mother hen – with a rather soft gaze in his eyes, though.

When the Lakeman – Bard, apparently – ordered them to crawl back into the barrels, Fili wasn’t happy to leave his brother’s side, but they obeyed. He was even less happy, however, when a huge heap of dead fish was suddenly dumped on him. _Curse that Lakeman._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so happy when I get to write Thorin's soft side <3
> 
> (The fish scene has creeped me out so much since I watched the DOS extras and found out that they were real. I'm terrified of fish, dead or alive.)


	21. Brothers by Iron - 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bardlings! And Bilbo! And so much hurt!

Even if he had a bit of an attitude, Bard proved to be true to his word and managed to smuggle them all into his little house in Lake-Town. He had three kids. The youngest, a little girl named Tilda, reminded Fili of Kili’s childhood years; the same wide-eyed wondering and positive approach.

But at the moment, Kili was very far from that innocent and happy Dwarfling. He was obviously in a lot of pain and Fili hoped against hope that they would stay in this place long enough for him to get better. However, they were soon reminded that Durin’s Day was only two days away and they would need to continue as soon as they would get some weapons.

Which was why Fili found himself having a fiery, yet hushed, argument with his brother as they were sneaking towards the armoury. “You should wait outside. You are in no condition to go around stealing stuff.”

Kili’s eyes darkened. “I’m not a baby, Fili! Yes, my leg hurts a bit, but I can manage!”

“Kee…” Fili looked around to make sure that the others were preoccupied before taking his brother’s hand gently. “Please be reasonable. I couldn’t take it if you were hurt further. Just stay outside while Uncle and the others go for the weapons.” He saw the anger in Kili’s eyes turn into pain that had nothing to do with his leg, and it shocked him.

“I will _not_ be left behind,” Kili hissed, yanked his hand away from Fili’s and walked to the front of the group, leaving the blond prince full of worry and guilt.

“Only five of us – the lightest and fastest,” Thorin commanded once they were under the armoury window. “Myself, master Baggins - ” Bilbo was already standing next to him and he briefly touched the Hobbit’s arm as he said his name, “- Nori, Bofur… and…”

“Me,” Kili stepped in front of him before Fili had a chance to react. Thorin hesitated for the briefest moment, but then nodded. The rest of them were ordered to form a Dwarf-ladder under the window. Fili tried desperately to catch his brother’s eye, but Kili looked sternly away. One by one, the four Dwarves and the Hobbit climbed up and disappeared.

Then they could do nothing but wait. Fili was straining his ears in an attempt to hear what was going on inside. Soft clangs of metal, hushed voices… No sounds of alarm being called. So far so good.

But just as he was beginning to think that they would make it through, there was a horrible clattering noise accompanied with Kili’s pained yelp. Fili felt like sinking into ice cold water. He wanted to get inside to help his brother, but the voices of Men were suddenly everywhere and one of the others was dragging him by his arm – but it was too late, as he noticed when he was suddenly looking right at the spears of the Lakemen.

It was beginning to snow as they stood in front of the Master’s house, apparently all of Lake-town watching them. Fili edged his way to Kili’s side as Thorin was speaking to the Men. Kili looked absolutely devastated, he wouldn’t look up when Fili stroked his arm. “Are you alright, Kee?” he whispered. Bard had appeared and started to protest Thorin’s words, but Fili wasn’t even properly listening.

Kili let out the tiniest sob. “I fell. I – I failed. I let everyone down. I let _him_ down.” He raised his gaze to look Fili in the eyes, and his own were full of tears. “I let _you_ down.” Fili felt as if the air had been knocked out of him, when he suddenly vividly remembered that distant day so many years ago, when they had first kissed.

“ _But I_ hurt _you, Fee,_ ” Kili had said back then. The same mad urge to kiss his brother struck Fili, but before he could do either that or try to comfort Kili, the mob around them started to yell and cheer, and they found themselves being ushered to a nearby inn.

There they were presented with plenty of food and ale, and the joy of getting to fill his empty stomach made Fili forget about his worries for a moment. Kili seemed a bit happier as well, as he was stuffing his face with roast beef and mashed potatoes.

Besides the ale, there was an abundance of red wine, and it was after three gobletfuls that Kili scooted very close to his brother and laid his head on Fili’s shoulder with a drunken whine. “I messed up, Fee… I fell down the stairs and they sounded the alarm and caught us,” he explained with a slurred voice. Fili patted him on the back.

“But it’s alright now, Kili,” he assured. “See, the Lake-men are celebrating us! There was no harm done. We are all in one piece, we have food and warm clothes and we escaped the Elves.”

Kili sighed and twirled a lock of Fili’s golden hair around his finger. “The Elves weren’t _so_ bad.” And there it was again, that sickening feeling of jealousy.

“Are you talking about that Elf girl, Tauriel?” Fili asked quietly, but couldn’t help noticing that Bilbo was discreetly listening to them from Kili’s right side.

“Hmmmh?” Was Kili’s intelligent answer. “Tauriel? I don’t know. Maybe. She seemed nice.” When Fili didn’t answer, Kili let out a drunken giggle. “Are you jeeeealoooous, Filiiii?”

“Keep your voice down!” Fili hissed. “This is not the place, Brother.”

Kili’s eyes were closed now, and he snuggled even closer. “You don’t have to be jealous,” he murmured. “You moron.”

Fili couldn’t help but argue back: “She seemed to like you very much.”

“Oh yeah? Maybe she looooves me. It doesn’t matter. I’ll never even see her again. She’s in another world. My world is here.”

Fili wasn’t exactly sure what to make of this intoxicated outpour of words, but before he could coax Kili to talk any further, he had fallen asleep and was snoring lightly against his shoulder.

“Let him sleep,” Bilbo said with a low voice and scooted closer. “His leg needs rest and so does his mind.” Fili nodded. For a moment, they sat in silence, listening to the raucous yells and songs around them. Then Bilbo spoke, still with the low, gentle voice. “He’s very dear to you.”

“Aye,” Fili said and brushed a strand of dark hair away from Kili’s face.

“Would I be correct if I guessed that you share a bond more close than that of brothers?” Fili tensed; he didn’t know what to answer. “Oh no, don’t be alarmed, you can trust me. I’m not judging you and I won’t tell a soul, I promise.” Bilbo smiled reassuringly. “We can’t help who we love.” He looked down and there might have been just a hint of redness in his ears; but maybe it was just the wine.

Fili decided the Hobbit was trustworthy. “Thank you for your discretion, Bilbo. This is a very private matter indeed.”

Bilbo nodded. “Does anyone else know?”

“Only our mother and Thorin. It’s been like this almost twenty years, but we have been very careful.” Now that he had opened up to the Halfling, Fili found that he didn’t mind talking about his secret love with him. In fact, it was quite refreshing because he had never actually had a chance to talk about it to anyone. And so they discussed softly while everyone around them was making as much noise as possible; Bilbo asking politely interested questions about their life, and Fili describing his deep love for his brother, who slept peacefully by his side.

It was only when Thorin ordered them all to get some sleep (“We have an early start tomorrow!”) that Bilbo squeezed Fili’s shoulder and retired to the room that was shown to him, and by then, Fili’s heart felt incredibly peaceful and his mind clear. Who would have known that just talking about his beloved to someone who listened with compassion would make him feel so good? He waited until almost everyone (save for Bofur, who was having his fifth glass of mead and singing some melancholy song) had gone and then, very gently, scooped Kili into his arms and carried him to bed without waking him.

 * 

They woke up at the crack of dawn and Kili was pale as death and trembling slightly. Fili was incredibly alarmed – he had seen Kili hungover before, and this wasn’t it. The wound on his leg was emitting a slight but foul smell. “Are you… how are you feeling?” Fili asked warily, not wanting to upset Kili like the night before.

Kili hissed in pain as he stood up, but took a few deep breaths and said: “I’ll be fine. We’re almost there, you know.” He smiled and gave his brother a quick kiss before they left the room. Fili wasn’t convinced, but followed him anyway.

They gathered to the docks in a hurry, yet it seemed that the entire population of Lake-town had been informed of their departure and had come to send them off. It was very uplifting, no denying it, and Kili flashed a brilliant smile as he followed his brother to the boat.

But suddenly, Thorin’s hand stopped the young prince. Both brothers looked at Thorin with confusion. “Not you. We need to move with haste, you will slow us down.” Fili couldn’t believe his ears. _This can’t be happening!_

Kili still tried to smile. “What are you talking about? I’m coming.”

“Not now.” Thorin was adamant. Kili’s jaw was set determinedly, but his eyes were growing huge and watery.

“I _will_ be there when those doors are opened. When we first gaze upon the halls of our _fathers, Thorin_ -”

It was only for the tiniest moment, but Fili was sure he saw Thorin flinch at those words – _As he should_ , he thought. Thorin touched Kili’s hair – a rare gesture of affection from him, and it seemed to shock Kili. “Stay here. Rest. You’ll join us when you’re healed.” Thorin turned his back to Kili and Fili was certain he had never been so immensely angry with his uncle. He almost didn’t hear Oin offering to stay behind with Kili, so loud was the rush of blood in his ears.

He tried to reason with Thorin. “Uncle.” He already saw the warning glare in Thorin’s eyes, but went on. “We grew up hearing the tales of the Mountain, tales _you_ told us!” Fili snapped pointedly. Kili called his name weakly but he was too angry to stop. “You _cannot_ take that away from him! I will carry him if I must!”

Thorin looked angry and stern, but Fili, knowing him as well as he did, could sense a tiny bit of hesitation in his gaze. But then even that passed. “One day you will be King, and you will understand. I cannot risk the fate of this quest for one Dwarf… Not even my own kin.”

Fili felt like he had been punched in the stomach.

_Your own kin? Are you trying to say YOUR OWN SON? Because that’s what he is, and you’re abandoning him!_ Fili wanted to shout all this from the bottom of his lungs. He wanted to smack Thorin right on the self-righteous nose.

But he did nothing. He saw in his mind how Thorin, tears in his eyes, had begged him to keep Kili happy and safe. How different was this Dwarf that was standing in front of him now. Fili looked at his brother and heard in his ears Kili’s angry words from the night before: _I will not be left behind!_

He stepped out of the boat. Thorin stopped him with his arm like he had stopped Kili only moments before. “Fili, don’t be a fool. You belong with the company.”

The anger flared inside Fili again and he shook Thorin off, telling him: “I belong with _my brother_.” He didn’t linger to see Thorin’s shocked face. He walked straight to his brother and bowed down to whisper into his ear: “ _It’ll be alright. I love you._ ”

Fili and Kili watched in a deep state of disbelief how the boat started to slide towards the open water of the Lake, towards Erebor, carrying their King and Uncle and most of their friends on this journey. Without them. It was hard to take. Kili’s breathing was becoming more pained, when the hungover-looking Bofur appeared out of nowhere, having apparently overslept.

Fili was just about to explain why they weren’t on the boat when Kili suddenly collapsed. “Kili!” he yelled as he caught him.

“We need to get him indoors, somewhere where he can lay down,” Oin said determinedly.

“Back to the inn, then?” Bofur asked with an edge of worry in his voice.

Fili tried his best not to let his panic show as he hoisted his brother back on his feet and said: “Come now, Kili, we need you to walk for a little bit.” With Bofur supporting Kili from the other side, they made for the inn – only to discover a very displeased innkeeper roaring about the mess they had made of his kitchen and dining room. It was very clear that staying there was not an option.

“Maybe the Master would help us?” Fili tried in his desperation, but Oin let out a snort.

“That greedy, pompous good-for-nothing? No lad, that one helps none but himself.” Kili let out a small wince of pain and Fili was starting to feel on the verge of tears.

“There’s only one option,” Bofur said somberly. “Bard.”

“Are you insane? After his debate with Thorin last night, he’s not likely to have any good will toward us!” Oin argued.

“Aye, but I still think his heart is in the right place. It’s our only choice.” The words gave Fili chills in their finality, and one look at Kili’s pained half-lidded eyes was enough to make up his mind.

“Let’s go.” They began to clumsily make their way towards Bard’s house, and by the time they got there, Kili was clinging to his brother with both hands.

Luckily, Bofur had been right about Bard – after the initial rejection, he was convinced by the sight of Kili’s face and let them in. “Put him on the bed on the corner,” Bard pointed. Fili all but carried his brother there.

While Oin was busy generously thanking Bard again and again and Bofur explained the situation to his curious children, Fili took his chance to softly stroke Kili’s cheek and press a quick kiss to it. “We’ll fix you, I promise. Just hold on.” Kili, his eyes closed and sweating slightly, nodded and squeezed Fili’s hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> But wait! There will be more hurt! (Ahahaha I'm sorry.)


	22. Brothers by Iron - 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey you remember back in the comments of chapter 12 when I said that I might write a timestamp for it, from Dis' POV? It's up now. http://archiveofourown.org/works/3176050  
> But hey, let's have some more fun and games in Lake-Town!

Fili had known agony and panic before, but he found a whole new kind of pain while he watched over Kili for that day and night and the next day as well. Oin did his best with what herbs and liniments he had in his secret pockets, but most of his medicines lied somewhere in the halls of the Woodland Realm, where the Elves had taken away their bags upon capturing them. He did manage to bring the pain in Kili’s leg down marginally, and to help him sleep – even though it was mostly a feverish slumber that brought no great relief.

When it was nearing midnight of their second night in Lake-Town, Kili was breathing shallowly and sweating but he was sleeping a bit more soundly this time, it seemed. Fili was sitting by his side on the bed, because Kili would not let him move away and was holding onto his shirt even in his sleep. Bard’s son and daughters were all sleeping in their own beds in the little bedroom, Bard himself had occupied a semi-comfortable chair and was sleeping in a sitting position because Kili was in his bed, and Oin and Bofur, like the travel-hardened Dwarves they were, were sleeping on the floor a short distance away.

Fili was the only one awake, he couldn’t have slept even if he wanted to. He was absent-mindedly stroking Kili’s hair and every once in a while, put his hand over the wounded leg. It was very hot, radiating so much heat that he felt it even though he didn’t dare to quite touch it, in fear that he would hurt his brother. It was obviously infected with something more foul than just the filthy Orcish iron of the arrowhead. Fili wished from all his heart that he could do something to help, but didn’t know what.

Although Kili’s sickness was the first thing in his mind, he also found himself wondering about the rest of the company, on their way to the Mountain. They had probably gotten to the other side of the Lake by midday and continued by foot from there. Had they made it to the Mountain yet? Not likely. Balin had told him that it would be almost a two-day journey from Lake-Town. Durin’s Day would be the next day, would they make it in time?

Fili realized, for his mild surprise, that he didn’t care as much as he used to. Kili’s pain had taken the priority in his mind and everything else was less important. Now that he really thought about it, he wasn’t sure if reclaiming Erebor had ever been his priority. Going on an adventure was exciting and wonderful, yes, but hadn’t their life been good enough in Ered Luin? Fili couldn’t remember ever being especially unhappy about not having a huge hoard of gold and treasures, but Thorin seemed to be very determined to get back the Mountain, the gold and the Arkenstone.

Thorin. Fili’s stomach felt a little uneasy when he remembered the look on his uncle’s face when the boat had started to slide away. It reminded him of the one Thorin had made incredibly long ago, when Fili had told him that he didn’t want to be his heir… An expression of mixed betrayal, sadness and shame. The quest to take back Erebor was really Thorin’s personal one, wasn’t it? And they had all been happy to go along, but the further they got, the more consumed by it Thorin seemed.

The change had been so subtle that no one had really noticed, but now when Fili thought about it… Before they started this journey, there was no way Thorin would ever have left Kili behind. Ever. Even if their true relationship was the most well-kept secret in the history of the Durin line, those who knew the King could not miss the soft spot he had for the younger prince. Fili had watched them his whole life, and he had always known how Thorin would react to Kili.

Until now. Now, Thorin had changed, he was colder and more possessed by the thought of his long-lost home. Or the Arkenstone. And even though Fili had felt nothing but fierce anger at his uncle in the morning, it was now replaced with worry… and fear.

His deep thoughts were disturbed by a soft patter of bare feet. Tilda, the younger of Bard’s daughters, was rubbing her eyes as she walked sleepily towards the downstairs toilet. After a while, she climbed the stairs back up and noticed Fili being awake and watching her. She waved at him and he waved back half-heartedly. Kili gave a little pained moan in his sleep.

Tilda hesitated a moment and threw a quick look at her sleeping father before sneaking towards Fili on her tiptoes. _What on Earth is she doing?_ Fili wondered. Tilda stepped carefully around the snoring pair of Dwarves on the floor and stopped by the bed. “Can I sit with you?” she whispered, eyes large in the moonlight shining from the window.

Fili nodded, because he didn’t know what else to do. “Just be careful so you don’t wake him up,” he whispered with a gesture towards sleeping Kili. Tilda climbed to the bed with extreme care that was amusing to see in such a young person.

Once she was sitting opposite Fili, her feet tucked under her, she asked: “Can’t you sleep?”

Fili shook his head. “I need to watch over him. My little brother is quite ill, you see, and it’s my job to take care of him.”

Tilda nodded in a very serious manner, like it was something she had heard often. “How much older are you?”

“Five years.”

A smile spread on the little girl’s face. “My brother is five years older than me too! And Sigrid is three years older than Bain. But Bain looks a lot older than me and he’s almost as tall as Da. You two look the same age.”

Fili smiled. Tilda’s excited manner of speaking (or whispering, as it were) reminded him vividly of Kili as a Dwarfling. “Well, five years apart is actually a very short time for Dwarven siblings. Usually siblings are born at least fifteen or twenty years apart – Dwarves live much longer than Men, you know. But we happened to be born close apart. Maybe that’s why we have always been so dear to each other,” he added more to himself than Tilda.

The girl just stared at him for a while, and then scooted an inch or two closer, like a conspirator. “Me and my sister and brother are very close too. You know, my Ma died when she was giving birth to me,” she whispered with a very stern look into Fili’s eyes, “so I never knew her. Da never talks about her. But Bain says she was beautiful and smelled like freshly baked bread, and Sigrid tells me stories about her sometimes when I’m sad. Sometimes I’ve wondered if it was my fault that she died, but they never blame me.”

Fili suddenly wanted to hug the little creature, but Kili was still holding onto his shirt so he didn’t dare to move, he just patted the girl on the head. “My father died too, when Kili and I were young. It was awful. But such things happen. And once you get over the grief, you will be stronger.”

“You will never forget the ones you’ve lost, though.” Tilda’s tone was eerily sad for a girl of her age.

Fili thought of Father, and of Dis speaking about Thror and Frerin, tears and shame and love in her eyes as she told him the tale of Kili’s origins… “No,” Fili breathed. “I guess not.”

Tilda wiggled her legs out from underneath her and softly stepped on the floor. “You should sleep. He will be sad if you don’t get any sleep because of him.” And then she walked away softly, back to the bedroom. Fili stared after her. Such a little girl. Such a strange mind. And yet, he found some comfort from it.

Sighing, he now felt the weariness in his bones and very slowly settled himself into a lying position beside his brother. Careful though he tried to be, Kili still opened his weary eyes and looked at him. “Fee,” he murmured. “Is it morning yet? It’s dark…”

“It’s not morning yet. Try to sleep some more, Kee.” Kili closed his eyes again and snuggled closer to his brother, as best as he could with his bad leg.

“It hurts, Fee,” he whispered so quietly that Fili barely heard it.

He felt tears in his eyes but very determinedly blinked them away. “I’m here, Kee, right here, I won’t leave you.” With some effort, Kili lifted his head so that he could press a soft kiss on Fili’s lips. A hot wet tear fell on Fili’s cheek and it took him a moment to realize that it didn’t fall from his eyes, but Kili’s.

 *

Things got multiple times worse as the next day progressed. Kili’s pain was growing more intense and his fever spiked. Oin tried to treat him with every manner he knew, but to no avail. Bard and his children offered their help, but there was not much they could do except for bring fresh water and wipe Kili’s sweaty forehead. Fili felt more lost than ever before. He was desperate to do something, _anything_ , but knew that he couldn’t leave Kili’s side.

The night was starting to fall, when Oin thought to ask for Kingsfoil. After hearing that there was some in the town, even if reserved for pig food, Fili dared to feel the slightest sliver of hope. As Bofur ran out of the door, Kili was already starting to forget his surroundings and whisper nonsensical things. Fili held his hand tightly.

Then they heard a very distant, very low sound, as if a roar coming from underground, and a sudden coldness that settled into Fili’s heart told him that it could only mean one thing. _The dragon is awake_.

He told Bard to leave, even though he knew that if Smaug was truly to emerge from the mountain, there would be nowhere to run. Bard knew that too. He pulled out a Black Arrow, to everyone’s surprise, and took his son with him and left. For a moment it was very silent; Kili’s whimpers had diminished under a delicate layer of feverish sleep. Sigrid looked uneasy, but Tilda very determinedly changed a new cold cloth on Kili’s forehead. Fili smiled at the little girl.

A while later, Bain came home saying that Bard had been arrested. That was bad news.

Soon after that, the Orcs attacked. That was infinitely worse news.

Everything was chaos. Fili did his best to protect Kili and the children and Oin, but the Orcs were overpowering them. He didn’t notice the Elves until they shot an Orc that was trying to chop his head off. Fili looked around wildly and saw Tauriel – _What is she doing here?_ – and the blond Elf princeling.

The sharp sting of jealousy in his heart aside, he was happy to see that the Elves dealed with the attackers like it was nothing. Once the vile creatures lay dead, he sprang to Kili’s side; he had fallen on the floor and was gasping in pain. Oin came to them and Fili silently prayed for him to help. But the old Dwarf looked crestfallen. “We’re losing him.”

The world around Fili seemed blurry for a moment. He didn’t see the blond Elf leaving. He didn’t notice Tauriel hesitating on the door. Neither did he realize that Bofur appeared with Kingsfoil in his hand. All he saw was Kili, who was obviously fading away from him. Then something caught his ear: “I’m going to save him,” Tauriel whispered, and the world sharpened again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is something I wrestled with for ages while I was writing: in DOS, when they arrive to Lake-Town, Balin clearly says that Durin's Day will fall "the morn after next", so in other words, there's two nights to go before that. We know they all spend at least one night in Lake-Town, but it's never specified whether the group (minus Fili, Kili, Oin and Bofur) leaves the next morning and takes two days and one night to get to the Door, or whether they're actually all in Lake-Town for two nights, and leave on the morning of Durin's Day. I'm still not sure about the answer, but I decided to go with the first option here, be it right or not...
> 
> Also, this chapter illustrates one of the things that I love most about writing fiction: I didn't plan on Tilda waking up and coming to speak with Fili, it basically just happened as I was writing away and I was just as surprised as Fili was. The story and characters taking on a life of their own as you're writing is one of the best feelings there is.


	23. Brothers by Iron - 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, like I said at some point before, the majority of this story was written before BotFA came out. Which means that as we reach the end point of DoS here, we enter the wild realm of "what I think could have happened". Enjoy it!

Obviously it was magic. Elven spells. Beside him, Oin and Bofur were watching Tauriel in wonder. But Fili had no time to be impressed. He stared Tauriel hard, his eyes giving a very clear message: _Save him, or else_. He was holding Kili, his face half buried in the dark mane of his hair.

As Tauriel was chanting her Elvish words and rubbing the herbs in Kili’s leg, Fili whispered softly into his ear: “ _Come back to me, please, I can’t live without you, I don’t want to go on if you’re not by my side._ ” Kili was staring at Tauriel, but Fili suspected that he wasn’t fully conscious. When the Elf girl stopped her chanting, Kili sighed deeply, closed his eyes and seemed to fall asleep.

Fili was scared for a moment, but then he saw that some of Kili’s colour was returning on his face. He looked up at Tauriel, who smiled weakly. “He should be fine.” Fili laid his forehead down against Kili’s shoulder and gave a long, trembling sigh of intense relief.

It took Bain and Bofur a while to help the scared girls calm down. Oin was going on about the wonders of Elven healing and Tauriel was starting to glance restlessly at the door – probably worried about her blond friend, who hadn’t returned. All of a sudden there was a weak voice; and it was the voice that Fili loved more than any other voice in Middle Earth, but it was saying the wrong thing.

“Tauriel.” Fili felt like one of the Elves’ arrows had pierced his heart. Why was Kili calling her name? Was he in love with her after all? He tried to shake that thought and just rejoice that his brother was still alive, but it was hard when he heard Kili’s next words.

“You cannot be her,” Kili mumbled to Tauriel. “She’s far, far away from me… She walks in the starlight in another world…” Fili saw Kili’s hand rising slightly to caress Tauriel’s delicate fingers. “Do you think… she could have loved me?” The hairs on Fili’s neck stood upright.

Everything seemed to stay still for a moment. Then Tauriel moved away and looked at Fili. “Master Dwarf,” she said quietly. “I think your brother needs you.” Fili didn’t need to be told twice. He walked to Kili and took Tauriel’s place by his side.

Kili moaned unhappily and squeezed his eyes shut for a moment. Then he relaxed and opened his eyes again, slowly. “Fee…” he gasped, a smile spreading on his face, and Fili wanted nothing more than to kiss him.

“I’m here.”

Suddenly, everything trembled. Tilda let out a little scream. Kili looked sick. Fili grabbed his hands tightly and tried to convince himself that the trembling did not mean what he knew it to mean. “What is that?” Sigrid winced.

“Smaug,” Fili said with an edge of desperation. “Sounds like he’s left the mountain.” Everyone was very quiet for a moment.

 *

“It’s our best chance,” Bain had argued very heatedly. All of the Dwarves had looked to Fili – he was the future King, after all. But he didn’t know what to do. And the time was almost out. So he agreed to go with Bain’s plan, and Tauriel offered to help, for which he was grateful despite his current distaste for the Elf.

So he ordered Oin, Bofur, Kili and Bard’s daughters to flee the town as quickly as possible, to hide somewhere on the shores of the Lake. Kili protested, but in his condition he couldn’t fight back when Oin and Bofur carried him away. Fili watched him go with a heavy weight on his heart, but there was no time for guilt.

In no time at all, Fili and Bain had sneaked behind the town jail. They heard Bard banging on the jail door and yelling at the guards to let him go. “Be ready to run,” Fili whispered. Tauriel was supposed to draw away the guards’ attention, while Fili would break the wooden wall of the jail with one of the makeshift hammers from Bard’s hidden stash.

But as it turned out, Tauriel’s diversion was not needed. A furious roar filled the air and suddenly, the night was aflame. The building right behind them had been set on fire, and when Fili looked up, he saw a massive form, glinting with gold here and there, flying over them. The dragon.

Fili stared at the passing beast with his mouth open and heard Bain gasping next to him. Then the screaming started – the whole town was suddenly in a state of panic. The guards ran out of the jailhouse and almost knocked the Dwarf and the boy over, and that’s when Bain snapped back to what they were supposed to be doing. “Hurry, Master Fili!”

Feeling a very real sting of panic himself, Fili lifted the hammer and started to slam it against the wall. The wood was softened from the proximity of water and it didn’t take long before it gave in. “Da!” Bain yelled.

“Bain?” came the incredulous answer, followed swiftly by a determinate “Step aside!” They did, and a second later the wall cracked further when Bard rammed his shoulder into it. A few more hits, and he broke through. “The Black Arrow?” he asked his son, cutting all the niceties.

The fire was spreading and people were running around. Bain lead his father away, and Fili headed towards the edge of the lake to find his brother without a second thought. On his way he shouted all the people he met to follow him. He saw Tauriel, who was doing the same and helping the wounded. He kept running.

 *

Fili’s heart didn’t settle until he had crossed the long bridge an found Kili and the others, huddled between a formation of large rocks by the waterfront a little way from the town. Kili was still struggling weakly to get up, but when he saw his brother, he relaxed and burst into exhausted tears. “I was so afraid,” he whispered when Fili kneeled next to him. “Everything’s on fire. I thought I’d lost you.”

Fili hugged him and whispered soothing things into his ear. He was here, and Kili was here, alive, and nothing else mattered right now. But the rest of the world needed Fili’s attention. “Our father,” Sigrid demanded, “did you get him out? Where is he?”

Fili explained briefly what had happened, and saw that more and more people were escaping the burning town and joining them by the edge of the lake, while Smaug’s furious form still roamed the sky over Lake-Town. Scanning the crowd, he estimated that maybe half of the town had escaped. He felt a chill go down his spine and felt Kili’s hand shaking in his own.

Suddenly, the roar of the dragon turned into a low laughter. Then it spoke, and Fili felt the massive voice tremble his very bones. “You miserable worms… You think to challenge me with your pitiful arrow? It did not work when I claimed the Mountain and it will not work now!” Tilda was gasping, Sigrid was sobbing, and Fili realized that Bard must have gotten the Black Arrow to the Windlance.

Smaug laughed yet again and flew higher and higher… “BURN!” he roared and swooped down. Many women and children in the crowd screamed. The dragon opened his mouth and Fili saw fire starting to gather in its belly –

Something snapped through the air so fast that there was a whistling sound. The Black Arrow. Fili barely had time to wish for the best – and Smaug screeched and faltered in mid-air. Fili’s heart was racing yet again. The fire died in the beast’s throat, he gave out a long, anguished roar of anger and pain, and started to fall. It felt like everyone was holding their breath. Then Smaug crashed into the middle of the town with an ear-splitting noise. He trashed and roared for a while. Then, gradually, everything fell silent.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Truth be told (BOTFA SPOILER AHEAD!), I felt a little weird about the fact that they explicitly showed us the Windlance in DoS, but ended up not using it in BotFA. Not that I mind terribly, because what they eventually did was pretty cool.


	24. Brothers by Iron - 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's not many more chapters to go... I didn't want to get too much into the details of the BotFA time period because of my anal need to stick close to canon, so I'm just doing a few chosen bits. Also, the last chapter will be an epilogue.

“We have to get to the Mountain as fast as possible,” Oin had whispered to Fili as soon as their first shock had settled. “The people of Lake-Town will very soon be asking how the dragon was set loose, and it’s not safe for us here then.”

Fili had agreed whole-heartedly. He felt terribly guilty and weighted down by what had happened to the town, but his first priority now was getting Kili to safety. He was starting to look better, with Fili’s help he could stand again, even if his legs trembled still.

Sigrid and Tilda had ran off to find their father and brother as soon as the dragon had died. More people kept emerging from the ruins of the town, although not very many of them, and Tauriel finally appeared among them, her red hair slightly singed but otherwise unharmed.

“I need to talk to her, just for a moment,” Kili said as the Dwarves were preparing to slip away. Fili frowned but Kili gave him a look that said _trust me!_ with such intensity that he had to obey. So Kili, walking slowly and carefully, went to Tauriel and lead her away from the others. Fili watched with jealousy that burned his heart like acid. They talked. Tauriel gave a sad smile. Then they laughed. And hugged. Then Tauriel gave Kili her bow and arrows. He took them, bowed and walked back to his brother.

Fili opened his mouth to ask, but Kili silenced him with a stern “Later, Fee, we need to hurry now.” So, careful not to raise the attention of the wounded and wailing Men of Lake-Town, the four Dwarves slipped quietly to one of the boats tied up on the shore and started the way across the early morning mist on the water.

 *

Bilbo was the first person they ran into, right outside the main entrance which had now been smashed into a gaping hole on the side of the mountain. The Hobbit was almost panicking and demanded to know what had happened. The moon had risen up again, and Bilbo had spent the entire day since Smaug’s escape outside the mountain, pacing around and worrying, not daring to leave.

When the four Dwarves told him that Smaug was done with, his expression became slightly more relaxed, but not by much. “Fili, Kili, I think you should go talk to your uncle.” He shifted his feet uneasily. “You’ll find him from the… the treasury.” The Hobbit was obviously upset about something, and the brothers exchanged a worried look. What could possibly bother Bilbo more than the dragon?

Oin and Bofur decided to stay with the others – they were all extremely happy to found that everyone was in one piece, and Kili, whose steps had become increasingly stronger and more lively during their journey from Lake-Town, was greeted especially enthusiastically. Fili and Kili were pointed towards the treasury, and on the way, Fili decided to ask about the thing that had been bothering him, since they were alone for a change. “Kili. About that Elf… Tauriel.”

Kili stopped and turned to his brother, and smiled softly. “Yes, I know. She’s beautiful. I admire her skills with bow and arrow. And she saved my life, on more than one occasion. So maybe I got a little… fascinated. But that is all.”

Fili frowned. “Really?”

“Really. It’s not unnatural to be sometimes attracted to more than one person at once, I would think – but even if I took a shine to an entire group of pointy-eared archers, it wouldn’t matter. Because you, Fili, _you_ are the only one I ever have and ever will love with my entire being. _Your_ voice in my ear was what brought me back from the land of darkness, before I could even see her. How could I possibly need anyone but you?”

This was said with such determination and sincerity that Fili felt a weight being lifted from his heart. He grabbed his brother and they embraced in the dark hallway, forgetting everything else for a while.

Approaching the treasury again a moment later, they soon saw the faint golden light that fell from it. They turned from the last corner, appeared on top of a staircase, and froze in place. Fili heard his brother gasping, and was pretty sure his own mouth was gaping open. The gold… It was everywhere. Huge, enormous piles of golden coins as far as the eye could see.

He had thought that the dragon was gigantic, but this treasury would have easily housed at least three or four of them without getting cramped, and gold filled every corner of it. Some of it was melted and cooled down into huge lumps – a memento from Smaug’s fury, Fili guessed, but it would be a child’s play for the Dwarves to mold it into coins again.

The sight of the treasury was so overwhelming to them that it took them a moment before they noticed Thorin. The King was crouched on top of one of the gold piles not very far away from them, muttering to himself, throwing gold coins and objects over his shoulders as he dug through them. “Thorin!” Kili squealed happily, and they began to descend down the stairs to meet him.

Thorin turned around at the sound of his name, but for a moment there was just an empty gaze in his eyes. Then he blinked and a smile spread on his face. “Kili! You’re alright? And you, Fili? How good to see you!”

He walked down from the gold pile to meet them, and to both his and Fili’s surprise, Kili flung his arms around Thorin and hugged him tightly. “I was afraid that the dragon had bested you, Uncle.”

Thorin patted him on the back a little awkwardly, but when Kili let go, his eyes sharpened. “Smaug. Where is he? Did he come to Lake-Town?” Fili explained, once again, how Smaug had met his end, and Thorin’s face was nothing short of ecstatic. “This is the best news that the line of Durin has received since the discovery of the Arkenstone! We must celebrate!”

Fili and Kili were happy to see their Uncle so joyous, but Fili had to ask: “Have you found it yet? The Arkenstone?”

Thorin’s smile dropped a little bit. “Not so far. For a moment, I thought –” he stopped and shook his head, as if to get rid of an annoying thought – “but I’m sure it’s here somewhere. Let’s eat and drink tonight, and tomorrow we can all look for it. I’m sure that Master Baggins will also be of great help, he has sharp eyes.”

As he spoke of Bilbo, something caught his attention. He took a few steps and kneeled on the gold and started to dig up something silvery white from underneath it. “Look at this,” he said fondly as he raised it from the pile of gold. “It’s a mithril shirt.” It was a beautiful garment indeed, although judging by the size, probably not meant for a full-grown Dwarf. “This should suit our Burglar very well.”

Some time later, when Fili would remember the expression on Bilbo’s face as he was gifted with the shirt, the happiness mixed with the embarrassment and with something incredibly broken, he would know what had caused it and his heart would ache for the Hobbit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, Bilbo...


	25. Brothers by Iron - 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you really think I was done with the secrets?  
> (The context of Thorin's dragon sickness for this chapter is that since Bilbo left, he's been wrestling with his conscience and has some clearer moments - this is one of them.)

It was the night before the battle. They knew that a battle was to happen, because Thorin himself had declared it. The mood among the Dwarves was sour. Bilbo was gone, having betrayed them (in Thorin’s words) by hiding the Arkenstone and giving it, of all people, to Thranduil.

The Elves and Bard’s Lakemen were gathering against them. Gandalf was nowhere to be found. Their reinforcement, Dain’s warriors, had yet to arrive. Thorin was furious at everyone and wandered around the treasury in solitude, harbouring dark thoughts about war. Everyone knew that he was not alright, but no one dared to question their King.

Or maybe someone would.

Fili and Kili had tried to make a case for Bilbo, feeling a little disappointed in his actions but understanding that he had tried to do what was best. Thorin, on the other hand, didn’t see the situation that way at all and had reacted in a very exaggerated fashion.

“He’s hurting himself more with this ridiculous battle than anyone else possibly could!” Kili snapped to his brother. They were in the room that they had conquered for themselves a few days earlier when they had arrived – it was small and looked like it had previously been some servant’s home, but it had a bed and a fireplace and it was not singed to oblivion like so many other rooms, so it suited them just fine. Both of their suits of armour laid on the floor, ready for the following day, and looking at them made Fili sick to his stomach.

“I know. And I don’t want to fight. I’m afraid – I’m afraid for you and me. These are not the people we should be fighting. And Thorin’s anger and greed are not the reasons we should be fighting for. This is all such a mess,” Fili sighed.

Kili stood up from the bed. “I’m gonna go talk to him!” Fili opened his mouth to protest – what good would it do? – but to their surprise, there was a knock on the door before Kili could get to it. _Always with the dramatic timing_ , Fili thought when the King Under the Mountain, in his majestic outfit, entered the room and closed the door behind him.

“We need to talk.” Thorin walked in front of the fireplace and paced there for a moment, before finding his words. “I’m – I’m sorry.” Fili wasn’t sure if he had heard correctly, but Thorin continued. “This battle, this war… It’s my choice, and I have good reasons for it, but I remember when I was young and had to face battles… Horrific battles that I was not ready for. And now we’re here, and I fear you’re not ready for this. And I’m sorry.” There was a short silence. This was the last thing Fili would have expected to hear from Thorin, and it made something inside him stir; a fierce loyalty to his Uncle and King, the Dwarf who had sacrificed so much for them, done everything for his people. He saw it in Kili's eyes too.

“We will fight anyway,” Kili finally said.

Thorin nodded. “I know. I just wanted to tell you that. And… and whatever happens tomorrow, I want you to know how incredibly proud I am of you. Both of you. And so is your Mother, and so would your Father be if he was still with us.” Fili gazed down at that, but Kili looked unblinkingly at Thorin.

“And…” Thorin hesitated, but with some difficulty, carried on. “I give my blessing for the two of you, for your union. After the battle is over and everything settles, I will do it publicly, if you wish. I will have the power to change things, and I want you to be happy. We will figure it out.”

Fili’s heart was pounding, he could not believe his ears. Kili looked like he was almost in tears. He stepped to Thorin and grabbed one of his hands with both of his own. “Thorin,” he whispered. “Thank you, thank you for this. This is the best gift you could have ever given us…” He fell into silence for a moment, seemed hesitant, but then let out one more word that made both Thorin and Fili freeze. “…Father.”

“What did you say?” Thorin demanded, when he remembered how to breathe once more.

Kili looked a bit sad, but he was smiling. “Don’t look so shocked. I know the truth. I’ve known for decades.”

“But _how?_ ” Thorin gasped.

“Little things. You get so ridiculously angry at me sometimes, yet you always feel bad about it. And Mother always got so uncomfortable when I asked her about you or Father… well, Fili’s father – when I was small. And when Fili found out, I knew he was troubled. And everyone keeps saying how much we resemble each other. But most of all, I’ve just always felt it somewhere deep inside. Ever since I first saw you.” Kili was still holding onto Thorin’s hand and Thorin looked pale.

Fili found his voice again. “Why didn’t you ever tell?”

Kili looked at his brother and laughed a little. “I didn’t see the need, really... Everything was fine as it was. And you were all troubling yourselves so much to not let me know. It was a little funny.”

Fili was awestruck. Thorin, it seemed, was doubly so. “I’m so sorry,” the King finally said. “If I could have done something differently… I never wanted you to feel… I… I always wanted to tell you.” Kili nodded, and Thorin bowed his head down. Fili suspected that this was a good time to step outside for a moment, and left the two of them alone.

He didn’t stand outside the door for more than ten minutes, before Thorin came out. His eyes were a bit red, but he was as composed as ever. “Goodnight,” was all that he said, and then he was gone.

Fili stepped back inside. His stomach was squirming with guilt and shock. He looked at Kili, who was staring at the flames in the fireplace, wiping a stray tear away from his cheek. He had to say it before he would lose his nerve. “Kili, I’m so sorry I never told you, I should have told you, I – I feel like I’ve betrayed you, Kili, can you ever forgive me?”

Kili looked at him and smiled. “You are so simple sometimes, Fee. I understand why you didn’t tell – you wanted to protect me, and it’s really sweet of you, even if I’m not the damsel in distress you seem to consider me. I don’t feel bad about it.”

Fili gave a sigh of relief. Then he smiled deviously. “You’ve known for _decades_?”

“Longer than you, at least.”

“People don’t give you enough credit, you know.”

“I know.” Kili smirked. “I like to act a bit simpler than I am, it puts them off their guard.”

Fili laughed from the bottom of his heart and took his brother in his arms. “Do you have any idea how much I love you?” he whispered, holding Kili tighter, never wanting to let him go. Kili smiled and brought their lips together.

The kiss grew hotter and hungrier, and there was an edge of desperation to the way they tore each other’s clothes off as they neared the bed – the battle loomed over them like a shadow of death, and what if – but Fili wiped those thoughts out of his mind as Kili straddled him, naked and beautiful.

The younger prince cupped Fili’s balls with one hand and rubbed their erections together with the other. Fili mewled and arched his back. “You little tease,” he breathed. Kili smirked and circled the head of Fili’s cock with his thumb. Fili put two fingers in his mouth to wet them with saliva and reached to Kili’s backside. He slipped them easily inside his brother and watched Kili throw his head back with a moan as he finger-fucked him.

“I’m going to ride you now, Fee…” Kili said with a breathy voice that made Fili’s member twitch. He pulled his fingers out (Kili let out a whine) and put his hands on Kili’s hips. The dark-haired Dwarf settled himself and guided Fili’s cock inside with his hand. Both brothers moaned with enjoyment as Kili lowered himself down. When he was all the way down, they stayed still for a moment and took deep breaths. Then Fili squeezed Kili’s hips gently and Kili started rocking up and down, slowly.

The room was filled with their moans and gasps, on top of the crackling of the fire. They made an effort to stay quiet, in case someone would happen to walk past their room, but it was hard. During all of their long, tiresome journey, there had been so few times when they could enjoy each other’s bodies like this. Fili had almost forgotten how good it felt to have Kili ride him into oblivion, and he closed his eyes when Kili sped up his pace.

Kili’s moans turned into ecstatic whimpers as Fili moved one hand to stroke his cock. Kili took Fili’s free hand into his own and squeezed it hard. Fili opened his eyes and his breath almost caught in his throat. Seeing Kili like that, skin glowing in the light of the fire, eyes fluttering with enjoyment, rocking on top of him… Fili knew that he could search every corner of Middle-Earth and never find anything that would even come close to the beauty of this sight.

Kili scrunched his face in a way that was very familiar to Fili – he was close, and Fili knew he would only last a moment himself. “Come for me, Fili, my King,” Kili purred.

“You should be the King,” Fili gasped back.

Kili squeezed his hand again. “We will both be Kings.”

Fili could feel the orgasm gather inside him. “Kee, Kee, I wanna hear you – damn the others, let me hear you – ahhh…” Then he was coming, back arching, shooting his seed inside his brother. And above him, Kili obeyed his wish and came with a high-pitched wail, his muscles spasming and milking every last drop out of Fili. Their ears were ringing, their bodies in harmony, they were one soul instead of two. It was bliss.

When he was able to think again, Fili wiped the mess from Kili’s orgasm from his stomach with the corner of a blanket. Kili lifted himself off his brother’s cock with a grunt and collapsed next to him. They clung to each other, kissing lazily, breathing each other’s scent, touching, caressing. Exhaustion was starting to take over them, but Fili still needed to know something.

“Are you sorry that we’re not really full brothers?” he whispered, stroking Kili’s cheek.

Kili smiled. “You told me something once. _‘I will always, no matter what, be your brother.’_ No matter what, Fee. You are my brother, in heart and soul, in every way possible, and you always will be.”

Fili buried his face in Kili’s shoulder and hugged him tighter. There was no need for further words – except for the three that they whispered together before falling asleep.

“I love you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One of the things that I have planned to write next will be a sort of balancing story - this one is so heavy with Fili and Kili, and occasionally Thorin, and I really wanna do something that stars all the other Dwarves, and I have the perfect thing planned once I get my mind to it. And I'm just telling you this now because this chapter makes me so sad that I can't really think of anything to say about it.


	26. Brothers by Iron - 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I kind of cannot believe we're here. The epilogue is very short, so I'm gonna upload it right after this. Buckle your seatbelts, please.

The battle.

The clanging of metal was deafening. And that was nothing compared to the screams. The low growling of Dwarves, the cries of clear Elven voices, the animalistic screeching of Orcs. All hurting or dying or killing. All Fili heard was chaos. All he saw was chaos. And blood. Where was Kili? He didn’t see Kili. He didn’t see anyone familiar. Had he had any time to think about anything but how to get to his brother, he might have recognized the emotion running through him as homesickness.

He ran wildly, sword held high, blocking some stray strikes from Orcs as he went. The hill, he needed to find the hill. That’s the last place he saw Kili, before they got separated in the heat of the battle. But his sense of direction was lost. He ran, and suddenly there was a familiar face – Gloin, and he was being attacked by three Orcs at once. Fili charged and managed to just block a blade of one of the Orcs that would have taken Gloin’s life. “Much obliged, Prince Fili!” Gloin shouted and kept on swinging his axe at his opponents, now more evenly matched. Fili continued to run. He heard an enormous, feral roaring from the distance, like a wild bear.

There it was, the hill. It was crawling with Orcs and Dwarves and Elves and Men, fighting. The ground was slippery with blood. He didn’t see Kili. But Thorin was there, in full armour, slaying Orcs left and right, shouting orders and offences in Khuzdul, looking more like a King than Fili had ever seen him look. Fili fought his way to Thorin. “Uncle! Have you seen Kili?”

Thorin barely glanced at him. “Not for a while! He can take care of himself, now fight!” he roared and impaled an Orc. Fili obediently took his place by the King’s side and fought the enemies that just kept on coming. At one point, he thought he saw an Orc headed for Thorin just fall down, like he had tripped over something, but there was nothing but thin air to be seen.

Suddenly, Kili was by his side. “Brother! I was worried!” Fili greeted him.

“No need, I was just helping Dwalin bring down some trolls!” Kili smirked. The brothers, together, invincible, charged against the Orcs.

Side by side they danced around Thorin, swords clanging against swords and hitting Orc-flesh. Like a force of nature, they brought the vicious creatures down in piles. But their numbers never seemed to diminish in the slightest. The brothers were standing on piles of bodies now, when Kili yelled “Thorin!” The King was faced with an unusually large, unusually pale Orc, one that they had seen before. Azog the Defiler.

There was an ugly smirk on the Orc’s face and Thorin was snarling insults at him. They were circling each other, not yet in full battle, waiting for the right moment. Fili’s skin was crawling at the sight; the Orc was so very tall compared to the King, and in the place of his missing hand was a deadly-looking blade, and in his remaining hand an equally merciless sword. But Fili had faith in his Uncle, and rightly so – Thorin was the first to pounce, and he managed to slice a nasty wound on Azog’s already scar-riddled face, before the Orc could react. Then they were clanging their swords in earnest.

Fili and Kili were fighting their way to get closer to Thorin again. The King fought like a hurricane, never giving in to his adversary in the slightest. Many more cuts appeared on Azog’s sick-coloured flesh. Some of Azog’s merciless blows ripped on Thorin’s clothes, but he was quick to avoid the worst of it, and his determined expression never faltered. Then, something came flying – a rock, thrown by another Orc a short distance away. It hit Thorin on the shoulder, hard. The King roared in pain and dropped his shield, his arm numb with the impact. Azog saw his chance and thrust his sword – he aimed at Thorin’s heart, but Thorin dove down. The blade pierced his sword-wielding arm and he fell on his knees with a yelp.

Azog the Defiler, sneering with the sense of victory, raised both of his blades. Thorin saw his evil face high above his own, through the haze of pain. Azog brought his blades down –

_**KLANNGGG.** _

Fili, sweat-faced and panting, shaking with effort, crouched over his uncle, holding his shield above his head, where it had stopped Azog’s blades. “Hold on, Thorin.” He thought he saw a fleeting smile on his uncle’s agony-ridden face. Azog growled in frustration. Fili felt the weight disappear as the Pale Orc raised his weapons again, and took a deep breath. Azog, prepared to strike so hard that he would shatter the shield and the insolent Dwarfling as well, raised his arms high, higher… And Kili, faster than an attacking wolf, jumped seemingly out of nowhere between the Orc and his brother and impaled the villain’s abdomen with his sword. Azog’s eyes widened and he faltered. Kili stepped to the side and Fili bounced to his feet. With one swift motion, the heir to the throne spun around and sliced Azog’s throat open. There was a rasping sound and Azog, the Commander of Legions, fell down and moved no more.

Fili and Kili stared at the ugly corpse of an Orc for a moment. Next to them, Thorin, still lying on the ground, seemed to be on the verge of passing out from exhaustion, but was largely uninjured except for his arm. The battle was still raging on around them, but it seemed almost distant now. They looked at each other with the wild fire of victory in their eyes – brothers, lovers, companions-in-arms. For a moment, there was nothing and no one else in the world.

Something hit Fili in the middle of his back, and he stumbled a couple of steps forward. It was strange, suddenly the whole world had gone quiet, the sounds of the battle silenced. Fili looked down and saw the sharp head of an arrow poking out from his chest. He didn’t feel anything out of ordinary. Then he looked up, into Kili’s face, and saw it twisted with horror and agony. Only then did the pain come over him. All the sounds came back, and it was hard to breathe. He started to fall; Kili caught him and kneeled slowly with him, panicked, nonsensical whispers falling from his mouth.

“No no no, Fili no, not like this, you can’t, I won’t let you, I won’t let them, you’ll be King, we’ll be kings together, you and me, Thorin said he would, please, not like this… Fili.” The words were ringing in Fili’s ears, but it didn’t matter, it was pleasant to listen to Kili’s voice, and the pain was starting to fade too, replaced by a dizzying warmth. He felt like he was falling asleep, and then startled awake again by Kili’s hand on his cheek. He tried to focus on Kili’s teary, shouting face, but found his gaze being fixed on something behind Kili – an Orc. Azog’s spawn, what was his name? Bolg? Bolg.

Bolg, with a quiver filled with arrows exactly like the one that had pierced him, moved directly behind Kili and drew his sword back. Fili, gaining some of his senses, tried to warn his brother, but his mouth was filled with something warm and salty, and no words came out. Then Bolg moved again, Kili’s eyes went wide, and Fili felt a pain much more intense than the one before, much more intense than all the pains in his life put together. He distantly noticed Thorin getting up on his side, roaring and charging at Bolg with his sword in the wrong hand, but then they both disappeared from his sight, and it didn’t matter anyway.

Kili was sobbing. Fili grabbed his hands hard. He looked into Kili’s eyes ( _not down, don’t look down, don’t look at Kili’s heart because it will be broken beyond repair_ ), he saw Kili’s mouth being filled with the warm and salty too and he saw that it was red. And when the darkness started to close in on him again, he knew that it was okay, because they were together, because they were here, neither of them would go anywhere without the other. So he stroked the tears away from Kili’s face and kissed him tenderly, finding that Kili’s blood tasted no different to his own. He was happy about it.

Darkness fell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry.


	27. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The fact that Dis is still standing after all her losses makes her probably the strongest character I know. But each tragedy leaves its mark.

The stairs to the lower levels were neither dusty nor cold; they were kept in good condition, for they were used daily. Of that, Dis was particularly strict. She did not want a single day to pass without fresh flowers being delivered and new torches being lit. Dain Ironfoot was glad to give her her wish. He was glad to give her anything she wanted, really, and although it had been a year already, not a day passed by without him telling her how sorry he was. She appreciated it, although she didn’t know if all the sympathies of the world could ever bring a smile upon her lips again.

Dis arrived in the large room, beautifully decorated and lit with torches. She walked to the largest tombstone, the one in the middle, and knelt in front of it. She didn’t look at the inscription on it, she knew it by heart, her brother’s name and title written in Khuzdul sometimes haunting her dreams. She bowed her head and rested it against the cold stone. “Were you happy, Thorin?” she asked quietly. It was one of the questions she had asked most frequently. “You had your mountain and your gold, but were you happy? Would you have ever been happy? I can’t remember if I ever saw you happy.”

Dis ran her fingers through her hair. A little over a year ago it had still been mostly deep black – now it was pure silver. “They were plenty happy, though. My boys. Always so happy together. I always feared for them. Feared that their love would be revealed. Feared that the world would tear them apart. Feared that they would anger you so much that you finally disowned them. It seems I was fearing all the wrong things.”

She stood up. She ran her hand gently across Thorin’s tombstone. Then she walked out of the room and started the long climb up the stairs. Dis never kneeled in front of the other two tombstones on either side of Thorin’s. Never even touched her sons’ tombstones. That was because she was the only person in Erebor, outside of the tomb-builder, who knew the Secret. Fili and Kili weren’t buried under their tombstones on Thorin’s either side. Instead, several feet under Thorin’s tomb, there was another one, large enough for two Dwarves. That was where the brothers lied in their eternal sleep, hands linked together by Dis. They had always been together in life. She would not have them be apart in death either.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My sincere thanks to anyone who has bothered to read this whole thing, but especially those who took the time to comment things along the way - some of you several times! You have made publishing this story such a rewarding experience, and helped me remember how much I really love sharing my writing with others. I would apologize for all the feels and drama, but you wouldn't be here if you didn't enjoy them. Love you all!

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Obsidian](https://archiveofourown.org/works/3176050) by [Foxstress](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Foxstress/pseuds/Foxstress)
  * [Sideways](https://archiveofourown.org/works/3352250) by [Foxstress](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Foxstress/pseuds/Foxstress)




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